7 Times It’s Perfectly Fine To Be Selfish

Cheerful black woman sitting on couch enjoying being selfish

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It’s time we rethink the meaning of the word selfish—or at least the way we use it. Oxford Dictionary says a person is selfish if they are “lacking consideration for others” and “concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.”

But, think of some of the times you’ve been called selfish. You probably weren’t having the time of your life, laughing at others’ misery. If anything, you were probably just trying to prevent your own misery. That distinction matters.

People tend to use the word selfish in a manipulative way. When you just try to maintain your peace or look out for your well-being, you’re called selfish. How about this: it’s selfish for people to call you selfish. Often, that’s a tactic to get what they want out of you.

Let’s flip the script and recognize that there are some acts of selfishness that are perfectly healthy. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad about them.

Staying In A Hotel + Not With Family

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You do not need to stay with your family if it leaves you feeling stressed, exhausted or in any way unwell. You’re a grown adult who is allowed to say to your family, “I’m getting a hotel. I need my rest and will be more comfortable there. It’s not personal.” And you can stick to that, even when the guilt trip begins.

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Curating Your Vacation Group

A small group of women jumping into a villa swimming pool

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Your vacations are precious. They are a time to unwind and recharge. You don’t need any bad energies ruining your vacation. You do not have a limitless supply of time off or vacation funds, so creating a great vacation matters. That can mean not inviting people who kill your vibe. It’s your vacation. Protect it.

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Screening Calls

African female wearing sportswear writing message on her smartphone while working out

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You have people in your life who are just takers. They are emotional vampires. Every time you talk to them, you feel drained. They always have some drama going on, and need to vent. Maybe you decide that on certain days and at certain times, you screen their calls. You have your time set aside for peace and self-care, and you just can’t let certain folks rob you of it.

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Saying “No,” So You Can Do Nothing

African american woman holding book lying on sofa sleeping at home

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You are actually allowed to turn down an invitation because you’d rather do absolutely nothing. That is okay. You are not selfish for looking at your calendar, seeing you have nothing going on, and keeping it that way. Everybody needs some unstructured, unscheduled time for their mental health..

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Not Helping Others Who Won’t Help Themselves

Two young women best friends sitting on the sofa at home drinking tea or coffee complaining on her boyfriend or husband to how he changed and become jealous

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You know you just have some people in your life who invite trouble. It’s that cousin that keeps losing a job because she can’t show up on time. It’s that coworker who is behind a deadline because they mismanaged their time. You see them repeating mistakes and never learning. You don’t need to go in and clean up their mess. If they refuse to learn, it’s a wasted effort, and it’s a waste of your precious time and energy. Keep your energy to help those who are also helping themselves.

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Keeping Your Celebrations Celebratory

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Whether it’s your wedding day, your birthday or the celebration of the launch of your company, it’s your day. Sometimes, the focus should be on you and the vibes should all be positive. So it’s okay to call friends to announce your engagement and say, “Today, I really just want to celebrate this. I’d love to hear your updates next time we talk.”

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Protecting Your Brand Or Reputation

Portrait of friends in businesswear waiting for tram in city

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You’ve worked hard to build your brand, your reputation and your connections. Sometimes, someone will ask you to do them a favor that is not in line with your professional image. You don’t have to do what they ask. If a friend asks you to share their post, but it is not on brand for your social media presence, it’s okay to say that.

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