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The holidays are supposed to be a time for unwinding, reconnecting with loved ones, reflecting on the year and generally relaxing, joyous activities. They’re supposed to be – but that doesn’t mean that they always are. If you struggle to get in the holiday spirit, you’re not alone. Sleep research company Sleepopolis conducted a survey on what keeps people up at night this time of year. It found that 66 percent of respondents feel more stressed out around the holidays.
The reality is that, life doesn’t slow down around the holidays. If anything, it gets busier. We’re expected to handle regular workloads on compressed timelines, all while attending holiday parties, traveling to visit family, gift shopping and more. That can make this time of year particularly stressful for people pleasers, whose attention and energy is being pulled in more directions than usual. If you know you’re a people pleaser, it’s especially important to be aware of your energy levels and to enforce boundaries around the holidays. Otherwise, you could enter the New Year feeling burnt out rather than refreshed. Here are people-pleasing habits to avoid during the holidays.
Traveling Too Much
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If you have friends or family living in different parts of the country (or the world), then you could easily find yourself jet-setting during the holidays to make everyone happy. If you have divorced parents who now live in different places, this can become a major stressor on your life. Everybody feels entitled to your time. Everyone claims they “need to see you” for the holidays. Suddenly, you have six flights booked. It’s not only incredibly demanding on your time and energy, but also your finances. Plus, holiday travel is stressful. According to a poll conducted by OnePoll on behalf of SpotHero and reported on SWNSDigital, people face an average of eight stressful moments during holiday travel. And that’s just for one trip, so if you’re taking several to make people happy, you’re welcoming a tremendous amount of stress.
Overspending
You’re invited to three white elephant parties, asked to participate in two secret Santa exchanges, and requested to go in on a pricey gift with friends for another friend. Before you know it, you’ve gone way over your holiday spending budget. Set your budget. Purchase the gifts for the people who really matter to you, and then assess what’s left over for the secret Santa exchanges. It is okay to say, “I’ve already used up my holiday gift budget for the season.” You don’t want to enter the New Year feeling financially behind because of holiday overspending.
RVSPing Yes To Everything
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This is a time to get together with loved ones, so, keep that in mind – loved ones. You don’t need to be a people pleaser and RSVP yes to every holiday party that every neighbor, coworker, client or acquaintance is hosting. Over-socializing with surface-level relationships can leave you feeling exhausted. However, spending quality time with people to whom you’re close can enrich and uplift you. That’s what the holidays are for — -not for the cookies and champagne party your spin instructor is throwing.
Over-Hosting
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If you have a spare room or a home everyone loves to hang out at, you could face a lot of hosting requests. This friend wants to visit for a few days, this family member doesn’t have the space for their guest – can they stay with you? Your place is the only one big enough for the holiday party. It goes on and on, and even though everyone says they’ll “help out,” you’re stuck doing most of the work of cleaning, preparing, and buying everything. Hosting burnout is real, and it’s okay to say, “I’ve met my hosting limit for the year.” You can even say, “I actually won’t be doing any hosting this year.”
Accommodating Special Requests
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So you are graciously putting on the big holiday meal or party. That means the special requests might start rolling in. One person has dietary requests, another is allergic to dogs and asks you vacuum thoroughly before they come over. Several people have requested a plus-one, someone wants to bring their kids. You know what? It’s your home and you make the rules. Nobody has to come over if they don’t want to. Food allergies and childcare shortages are not your problems to solve. Solving them is a people-pleasing tendency. You are allowed to say, “I actually am a bit overextended right now and can’t accommodate special requests – thank you for understanding.”
Engaging In Every Conversation
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One reason the holiday season can leave people pleasers so exhausted is all of the small talk. You’re thrown into so many conversations – expected and unexpected – that cause you stress or fatigue. But you aren’t entitled to engage in every topic. If people get into a political debate that upsets you, you can excuse yourself. If someone asks you about something you don’t want to discuss, you can say, “I’d rather not talk about that right now.” Create conversational boundaries because the information you share and consume affects your energy levels.
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