Is A Sleep Divorce Right For Your Relationship?

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If you’re used to sleeping alone, sharing a bed with another person could be difficult or even impossible.

There is this stigma around couples who sleep separately, but snoozing side-by-side is not a necessity of a healthy relationship. In fact, for some couples, it’s the very thing that causes their relationship to unravel.

People need their sleep and not everyone sleeps well next to another person. That’s why more and more couples are considering a “sleep divorce.”

A sleep divorce is simply the decision to sleep separately, but remain together. One survey conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Slumber Cloud found that 19 percent of people say their partner is the biggest obstacle to a good night’s rest. And an astounding 46 percent say they’re open to a sleep divorce. So, is a sleep divorce right for you? Here are things to consider.

Well-Rested Couples Are Happy Couples

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You might fear that sleeping separately could harm your emotional bond, but sleeping poorly can also have that effect. A study reported on Science Direct found that couples who sleep less than seven hours per night are more likely to fight than those who clock seven plus hours of Zzz’s. When you don’t sleep well, you become more irritable and more reactive to conflict. That’s not good for a relationship.

Sleep Is Essential To Health

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Generally speaking, people with healthy ideas about relationships do not believe that their partner should be a danger to their well-being – physical, mental or emotional. We discourage loved ones from being in toxic relationships. We warn friends dating smokers that second-hand smoke can kill them. We even worry when someone we love is dating someone who is financially irresponsible, as that can ultimately cause our friend stress. So shouldn’t we extend this same idea – that your relationship shouldn’t harm your health – to the concept of sleeping?

Sleep is essential to health; diet, exercise and sleep are the three holistic pillars to wellness. Poor sleep can lead to all sorts of problems including depression, obesity, heart disease, poor immunity and even an increased risk of diabetes, according to Nature and Science of Sleep. The cause of your poor sleep does not impact your risk factor for sleep-deprivation-related health issues. Translation: “but we want to be close” is not a good reason to sleep badly and take on health risks.

Common Reasons For Sleep Divorce

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Every couple considering a sleep divorce has their own reasons why sleeping side-by-side isn’t working. However, common ones include:

• A snoring partner
• Different temperature preferences
• Movement sensitivity
• Different sleep schedules
• Different mattress type preferences

How To Avoid A Real Divorce

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We can’t talk about sleep divorce without talking about real divorce. The bed is sacred in a relationship. It’s where cuddling, connecting and sex happens. It’s a place of intimacy – both physical and emotional. It’s normal to worry that if you get a sleep divorce, you’ll eventually get a real divorce.

Again, every couple is different. Getting a sleep divorce does not have to negatively impact your bond with your partner. The important thing is that sleep divorce isn’t a symptom of underlying issues. If you know for a fact that you are only sleeping separately so you can get good rest, then you likely have nothing to worry about. If, however, you’re sleeping separately because you want more time away from your partner, then that’s another issue.

So long as you still make time to have sex, cuddle, be intimate and connect, you don’t need to sleep next to each other to feel close.

Alternatives To Sleep Divorce

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Some couples are opposed to sleep divorce, even if they aren’t sleeping well next to each other. If this is you, there are some alternatives you can try. These will only work in certain situations. In others, the only way to get a good night’s rest is to sleep separately. But, try these first:

• A custom mattress. If mattress conflicts are causing bad sleep, invest in a customized mattress. Many companies are happy to make these for couples today and they can appeal to both of your mattress preferences.
• Separate beds but not rooms. If it is just movement sensitivity keeping you awake, consider getting separate beds in the same room. You can even push them together, so you can easily cuddle at night, then roll onto your respective beds when you’re ready to sleep.
• Great earplugs. If noise issues are keeping you up, spend some time (and money) exploring the best earplugs. Look up the ones that people who work at concerts or on airport runways use. These block out very high decibels.
• Sleep apnea treatment. Snoring can be a sign of an underlying issue like sleep apnea that should and can be treated. That would be best for the health of the snorer, and then their partner can get some sleep, too.
• Get on the same schedule. If it’s different bed/wake times that are causing issues and you’re determined to sleep together, then you might have to compromise. Decide on a bed or wake time that works for both of you.

Sleeping together can be great for some couples but detrimental to others. You ultimately have to ask yourself what is most true for your relationship. Do you feel emotionally distant when you sleep separately? Or, do you feel closer, because the sleep-deprivation-fueled fights come to a stop? Only you know what’s right for your relationship.

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