How To Recover From Infidelity In Your Relationship
Is It Possible To Recover From Infidelity In Your Relationship
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If your long-term partner has cheated on you, then you might be experiencing some of the worst pain a person can go through. According to PsychCentral, suffering infidelity is so traumatic that it can cause symptoms in line with post-traumatic stress disorder. Just when you’re reeling from the extreme heartache of betrayal, you’re then forced to make one of the toughest decisions: whether or not to stay with the cheater. Infidelity is, unfortunately, common. It’s difficult to pin down exactly how many couples go through it, perhaps because not all cheaters confess, not all who are cheated on open up about it, and people have different definitions of cheating. The Institute For Family Studies reports that 16 percent of married people in America have cheated on their spouse.
The rate at which couples survive infidelity is also a bit of a mystery. There is mixed data between married versus non-married couples. Plus, there are couples who do “work it out,” but ultimately divorce or split up later. Research reported on BestLife states that married couples are more likely to work things out after cheating than non-married couples. Whether you are married or not, if your partner has cheated on you and you want to try to work through it, there are things you should know. Specific steps have to be taken if the relationship has a chance of not just surviving but thriving again. Here is how to recover from infidelity.
The Nature Of Infidelity: Long-Term Affairs Vs Flings
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The first thing to understand is that the nature of the cheating is greatly linked to whether or not the relationship will survive it. According to Couples Academy, co-founded by an infidelity recovery specialist and a marriage coach, long-term affairs are much more damaging to a marriage than one-night stands or short flings. Brief encounters can be blamed on a short lapse in judgment. However, long-term affairs imply the ongoing decision to stray and come with webs of lies that deeply damage trust in a marriage.
The Cheater Must Come Completely Clean
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Multiple experts assert that if a couple is going to have a chance of overcoming infidelity, the cheater must come clean, completely. If the cheater is still denying what they’ve done, in spite of evidence that’s piling up, or they’re still telling half-truths, you cannot begin the path to recovery. Complete, unedited, unfiltered honesty from the cheating party will be crucial to recovery.
The Cheater Must Cut Contact
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Another condition that has to exist is that the cheater must cut off all contact with the person (or people) with whom they were cheating. If the cheater is still entertaining the idea of being with someone else, their primary relationship stands very little chance of survival. A full and explicit commitment to the primary partner is essential to the path to recovery. The cheater needs to eliminate all forms of communication with outside parties and show their partner that they’ve done this. This might include showing an email or message sent, ending things definitively with the outside party.
The Cheater Must Be Willing To Put In The Work
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Recovering from cheating is not as easy as saying, “I forgive you.” The pain runs deep and the trust is broken. Healing those wounds and rebuilding that trust can be a multi-month (or longer) process. The cheater needs to be prepared to put in the work, and know that this will be an uphill battle. They do not receive their partner’s full love and affection back overnight. Things don’t just return to normal in an instant. Going to couples counseling will be critical. Making daily gestures to prove their honesty and commitment will be necessary. The relationship will not feel easy for the cheater for a long time – they lost their privileges to an easy relationship when they cheated.
Proof Of Transparency
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The only way for a partner to completely believe that the cheater is now being honest is for the cheater to give their partner access to everything. That means passwords for phones, email accounts, social media accounts and any other way they might have communicated with outside parties. This is a gesture the cheater has to offer up if their partner can ever trust them again.
The Cheater Can’t Play The Blame Game
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This step is complicated. There is never an excuse to cheat. However, when cheating has occurred, it could be a symptom of an underlying issue happening within the relationship. That doesn’t excuse what the cheater did. But, if the couple wants a chance at rebuilding their bond, they will need to work through any underlying issues in therapy. That being said, another condition that will be important to healing is that the cheater doesn’t play the blame game. If the cheater is asserting, “I cheated because you insert accusation here,” that suggests that the cheater feels their actions were justified. It is important that the cheater understands nothing justifies infidelity.
