You hear so much about what’s acceptable to deal with in a relationship with a man, but sometimes a sista needs that same wake up call when it comes to her relationship with her friends. As in most relationships, people get comfortable and start treating people any old way, and when they do, you have to do something about it. But what’s tolerable and what things are you overreacting about? The situations discussed in this post could warrant the dismissal of a friendship, but they can also foster a good conversation that could help it improve and grow. If all your girlfriends are your ace boons for life in your mind and they do no wrong, then kudos! But if Tenisha that you’ve known from down the block since 5th grade is acting up too much (and it happens all the time to longtime friends), then this one’s for you.
People Forcefully Putting You in Their Drama
There’s a difference between someone wanting your opinion on the drama in their lives, and them actually putting you in it. Whether you’re caught in the mix of some he said/she said because your “bestie” decided to tell her boyfriend YOU were the one who saw him getting a bit too friendly with chicks at the gym, or if it’s you caught in between two of your friends, that’s not right. As if you don’t have enough of your own drama, a friend who brings you a lot of confusion is someone who might not need to be a part of your life anymore.
Dating an Ex-Boyfriend of Yours
It’s true: you don’t actually own anybody, and staking claim in human beings went out of style hundreds of years ago. However, if a good friend of yours wants to all of a sudden find love in a hopeless place with the fella that you once laid down with, shared secrets with and possibly were in love with at one time, that’s a little bogus. I know there might be a shortage of successful studs in their mind, but why go for the fish in the sea so close to home? I only say this in the case of a very good friend and not a random associate just because, if you were never really close with that person, that’s different. But as for your girl going for your old guy, it just comes off suspicious. You never know if these out-of-the-blue genuine feelings may have grown while you and your ex were still together…paranoia time! You all might need to have a deep talk about that one.
Making Disrespectful, Unwarranted Comments About Those You Love
So your girl isn’t a fan of your new boyfriend. Maybe they fell out about something and now she has beef, or maybe she just has beef because she thinks you can do better. It happens. But a friend who consistently tries to put the bug in your ear that said boyfriend isn’t this, isn’t that and is a piece of you know what–well, that needs to stop. Same goes for a girlfriend who thinks she’s slick and makes under her breath comments about other friends you have or even worse, those in your family. This type of chick is the one you might want to leave behind, because as much as she talks about others, who really knows what she’s been saying about you?
Trying to One Up You on Everything
Congratulations! You accomplished a major feat–obtained a job promotion, you’re engaged, you won some type of award! And while your family and others are geeked up and happy for you, your girlfriend is waiting for her turn to speak so she can s*** on your accomplishment. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but…” Just when you thought it was your moment to shine and have something of your own, homegirl is trying to be the center of attention. If she doesn’t have an accomplishment to match yours, then for some reason, she’s not really happy for you. What’s that about? She’s selfish. It’s definitely something that can be addressed before a friendship has to be disposed of, but do something fast–because that mess is not cute.
Sharing YOUR Business With Others
Remember the time you told your homegirl about your little rendezvous with the cute guy that lives downstairs in your building? Well, now he knows that you think he’s horrible in bed and is now dissing you to anyone that will listen. Sure, you only told said homegirl, and did so in confidence, but she somehow brought it up in a conversation and the allegations of his lack of foreplay spread like wildfire. This kind of friend is a danger–not only to your reputation but to your sanity. Friends are individuals you should be able to trust in and ultimately be able to confide in, but the one who always has to apologize for bumping her gums will probably hurt you more than help you.
Not Being a Team Player
A main factor in being a good friend is being there when people need you. However, an even better friend (not just the bare minimum homie) is one who makes an effort to be around in general to hang out. You have all these ideas of great bars for you all to check out, poetry events to kick it at, movies to see, but everytime you bring them up she’s not feeling it. Not because she can’t afford to come along, or because she always has other plans, but because she just doesn’t have an interest in compromising or doesn’t feel like it–consistently. While I’m never really feeling the idea of going to see a Harry Potter film with a grown a** woman, if said grown a** woman is one of my good friends, I can find it in my heart occasionally to sit and chat about wizardry and Quidditch (look it up).
Not Considering Your Feelings
As with a boyfriend, it’s one thing for people to hurt your feelings, talk about it, apologize, and move forward. However, we all know it’s unacceptable for that same scenario to play over and over…and over. Same goes for a good friend. Someone shouldn’t have to remind you 800 times why certain things, jokes, whatever, make them uncomfortable. It should be understood at some point, and if you’re down to be a good friend, accepted. Those who just continuously do what they want and apologize only when things have blown way out of proportion (and need to be talked to by outside people) can’t really care as much as they pretend to. You live, you learn and then you let them go.
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