Source: Anna Frank / Getty
Does success change people? Some studies say it does. The Journal of Vocational Behavior found that an increase in prestige makes someone less extraverted, while an increase in income makes someone less neurotic. Further research out of University of California, Berkeley, found that the ultra-wealthy may be less empathetic than those of a low income. The study showed that the wealthier people become, the worse they get at reading people’s facial expressions. Another study out of UC Berkeley found that those who drive luxury cars are less likely to stop at pedestrian crosswalks. Research out of the University of Utah found people are more likely to lie after simply hearing or speaking about money.
We may not like it, but the data is all there: money does change people. Of course, money is just one part of it. There’s also notoriety, fame, status, prestige, access, clout…the list goes on. These are all things that often come with money, and play into the psychological and behavioral changes discussed above. None of this has to change a person. You’re always in control of your destiny. But if your circumstances do change for the better, and rather suddenly, it’s important to remember who you are. Here are ways to keep your priorities in check after success.
Put your old friends first
There will be a lot of new friends when success comes. They aren’t all fake. Some of them you just didn’t have the chance to meet until you started getting into certain spaces. It’s natural to want to have friends who are at your career level and understand your hustle. That being said, your old friends should always come first. They already proved their loyalty to you has nothing to do with your success because they were there for you when you had no success. Making less room for old friends and more room for those who showed up when you became “somebody” is the quick path to loneliness. Most of those friendships will waver as frequently as your accolades do.
Don’t ask old friends to change
Your old friends shouldn’t have to behave in a new way in order to hang with you. Anybody who wants to be in your life should accept your old friends the way they are, and see what you find so lovable in them. If you consistently find yourself in social settings where your old friends wouldn’t “fit in” – it’s not your old friends who need to change, but rather your choice in social settings that needs to change. Be proud of your old friends, just as they are, in the same way they were always proud of you before you were a big deal.
Work with people’s budgets
Once you’re working in a whole new income level, you can go to $400 dinners. But maybe your old friends can’t. You might just try to pay for everyone, so you can still enjoy your preferred luxury settings. But if your old friends insist you not pay for them, don’t see it as a nuisance – see it as a great sign. They aren’t mooches. They aren’t going to take advantage of you. They don’t want things to change. So go with them to the old place you used to all hang out with the $3 tacos. Have a drink at the place with two-for-one cocktails. Be grateful your friends don’t expect you to foot the bill.
Give fishing rods; not fish
Once you have a lot of money and success, there will be people who ask for things of you. They might ask for money or a place to live or a job. Make sure you’re instilling the same values that got you where you are, in those around you. You didn’t get where you are through handouts. You worked hard. Nothing came easy and nothing was free. You do loved ones a disservice by giving them handouts. Every situation is different, but make sure you’re giving loved ones fishing rods instead of fish so you can help them be self-sufficient rather than reliant on you. One example of a fishing rod is a job, instead of a handout when someone can’t pay their rent. It’s an investment in someone’s business (for which you expect to see business plans, reports, receipts etc.), instead of a cash gift.
Build generational wealth
There’s obviously temptation to treat yourself to some things you never had before when success comes your way. And, there’s definitely room to play and enjoy the finer things. But one thing that is so, so important is building generational wealth. Before indulging in some of the luxury items, meet with a financial advisor and get your ducks in a row so you can be sure your money continues to grow, rather than goes down a drain of nice cars and vacations. You can definitely have both, but planning is required.
Remember your greater purpose
Your greater purpose is why you became successful. Keeping an eye on one’s greater purpose is the drive that makes anybody great. Maybe yours is about elevating mental health issues or making people happy or furthering equality. Whatever your bigger purpose is, it’s hard to keep an eye on it once you become successful. You’ll then be offered opportunities that seem amazing…but aren’t in line with your greater purpose. The more you steer from it, the less access you have to that drive and passion that got you where you are. Furthermore, remembering your greater purpose will help you through the lows when you don’t get the superficial recognition you want.
Edit your circle for morals
This is connected to your greater purpose. The bigger you get, the more people will want to work with you. But they won’t all share your values. They won’t all connect to the same greater purpose. In fact, many won’t have a greater purpose. They’re all about money and fame. You don’t have to say yes to everything that comes your way, or everyone that comes your way. One great way to secure a lifetime of success is to only work with people who share your values. Build that tight circle of people with the same or similar greater purpose, and you’ll always feel inspired, and the right opportunities will find you.
Be there for your friends’ big moments
Remember the small stuff that was a big deal to you? If you’re a major artist now, it started at open mics, and then getting that first booked spot at a small bar show. You were so excited about that bar show. It meant something to you. And your friends came out to support. So if you’re now doing arenas, don’t forget that your good friend’s first bar show is still a big deal to her – even if it seems small to you now. So be there. And be there for the weddings, and the graduations, and the art gallery openings, and the performances. Your friends’ milestones may seem small in comparison to what you have going on now, but it’s big to them, so be there.
Look everyone in the eye
You’ll remember from the intro that the wealthier people get, the worse they become at reading others’ facial expressions. Could it have something to do with not looking at people’s faces as much? Like the server, the valet, the barista, your assistant, your driver…you may have a lot of people working for you when you become successful, and engaging in a meaningful way with all of them can feel tiring. However, it’s a slippery slope when you decide to stop that engagement. Then you become the wealthy person who doesn’t even say hello to the valet and just walks right passed them. Look people in the eye. It reminds you that they are you, and you are them. Just people.
Keep gratitude for the small stuff
Start every day with a gratitude list for the small stuff. Your health. A roof over your head. Not living in a war-torn country. Your friends. Your family. Food. Your pets. Your mental health. Your sense of humor. Nature. It’s amazing how we can feel like our cup is overflowing with gratitude when we just count the stuff that nearly everyone in the world has access to. And it reminds you that money and success don’t really make you different. They’re just stuff. Fake stuff. You can derive joy from the same, free stuff that everyone else does. It’s grounding to remember that.
