How To Deal With Friends Who Won’t Get Vaccinated
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As of July 4, 2021, nearly 70 percent of American adults received at least one dose of the COVID-19 vaccine, says the Kaiser Family Foundation. That’s the good news.
However, while rapid dispersion of the vaccine was slowing new COVID-19 cases for a while, now there’s the new threat of the Delta variant, which Yale Medicine reports is more contagious and more dangerous than any other strain. Unvaccinated individuals are at a greater risk for contraction than vaccinated ones. Of course, you can tell this all day to individuals who won’t get the vaccine and you probably won’t change their minds. Their reasoning tends to be rooted in emotions rather than science. If you can’t make loved ones get vaccinated, how do you interact with them? And how do you talk to them about your concerns? Here are some tips for talking to friends who won’t get the vaccine.
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Your social boundaries must be respected
It’s easy to be so concerned with not offending anybody that you actually put your own health and safety at risk. In the same way that you will not be forceful about making friends do something that makes them feel unsafe (getting the vaccine), they cannot make you do something that makes you feel unsafe. Perhaps you don’t want to have unvaccinated individuals inside of your home, and prefer to only meet for outdoor activities with them. If they try to shame or guilt you for leaving them out of your indoor party because they aren’t vaccinated, you can ask that they respect your boundaries, just as you are respecting theirs by not pressuring them to get vaccinated.
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Maybe your interactions are masked
You might decide to ask unvaccinated individuals to wear masks if they come inside of your home, or if they want to see you in close quarters. And you may decide to wear a mask yourself. While it’s uncomfortable to police our friends, it is important for unvaccinated individuals to understand that they do not get to enjoy some of the freedoms that vaccinated individuals do. Again, this is about friends respecting your boundaries. And perhaps it puts a slightly healthy social pressure on them to get vaccinated, as they see everyone else enjoying indoor gatherings and a mask-free life that they’re left out of.
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Don’t question their intelligence
Resist the urge to question the intelligence of individuals who don’t want the vaccine. Certainly don’t call them dumb, or speak to them in a condescending tone. When have you ever been more inclined to listen to what someone has to say, when they speak to you like you’re dumb? That’s a surefire way to get anyone to stop listening to you. You probably have friends who have different beliefs from you on many things, from gun control to religion to whether or not humans should move to Mars. If you can speak to them with a respectful tone, then you can speak to an unvaccinated friend that way, too. Only respect will nurture productive conversations.
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They deserve privacy to an extent
Try to be mindful of their right to privacy about this decision, but also understand when you have to share the information with others. There’s no benefit in sitting around gossiping with vaccinated friends about your unvaccinated ones when they aren’t there to defend themselves. However, in some cases, your other friends have a right to know when unvaccinated individuals will be present. For example, if you are hosting a party for your unvaccinated friends, you should notify invitees that there will be unvaccinated individuals present, so they can make the best decision for themselves on whether or not to attend.
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You have a right to protect your family
If you don’t have a family, and just have to fend for yourself, then the choice to spend time with unvaccinated friends becomes simpler. But if you have kids, or a spouse with a compromised immune system, you make a decision or everyone when you spend time with unvaccinated friends. The Imperial College of London conducted research that found that children may be over twice as vulnerable to the Delta variant. So if you have kids, you may just have to tell your unvaccinated friends that your child cannot come to their home for a playdate, or that they cannot enter your home without masks on.
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Ask them (kindly) to explain their fears
Many vaccinated individuals are not hearing out anti-vaxxers. And with any two groups who stand on vastly different sides of an issue, yelling at one another – either directly in person, through aggressive protest signs, or through social media rants – does not lead to productive conversations. If anything, it pushes either side further to their side. Why would anyone trust the opinions of a group that acts like bullies? Ask your unvaccinated friends to share with you their concerns about the vaccine. You might be able to dispel some of the myths they believe. You might not. But speaking to them in kind and hearing them out might make them more amenable to hearing you out.
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Require quarantines before group travel
Again, unvaccinated individuals do not get to enjoy certain freedoms that vaccinated individuals do right now. Things can get complicated if you want to plan a group trip, and within that group, some friends are vaccinated, and some are not. It is perfectly reasonable to ask the unvaccinated individuals to quarantine leading up to the trip, and to take a COVID-19 test. If they care about you, this is something they should be willing to do – even if they don’t believe it’s impactful, they should care that it gives you peace of mind. Remember that if you travel across a border and even one individual tests positive for COVID-19 on your trip, your entire group may be required to quarantine before returning home, or when you arrive home. Your unvaccinated friends put you all at risk, and owe you the courtesy of quarantining before traveling with you.
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Understand there could be trauma there
Do try to empathize with the fact that trauma may be behind one’s choice to not be vaccinated. They may have personally had bad reactions to vaccines in the past. They may have a loved one who had a severe reaction, or even a fatal reaction to a vaccine. They may have had bad experiences with medications in the past. We never fully know what someone has been through, nor can we say for certain that we wouldn’t behave the same way if we had their experiences. So approach these friends with empathy, just as they have for you in the past.
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Point them to reputable sources
Without making it seem like you’re giving them homework, you can always point these friends to reputable sources that explain why their concerns are not necessarily valid. If you simply decide to send them some links later, then you don’t need to dominate your current conversation with talk of the vaccine. Sometimes, unvaccinated individuals can feel that their vaccinated friends only see them socially so they can perform an intervention, which can feel like a betrayal. So don’t spend your entire time together on a crusade to get your friends vaccinated. Provide them with information, and then let them make their own decision.
