Dear Ashley: I Stopped Going Down On Him & He Threatened To Kick Me Out

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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes, anal sex,  finding the right sex toy and everything in between. Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com

Dear Ashley,

I’ve been in a relationship for a few years with a funny, charming, amazing man– we also live together. He’s been an incredible support for my kid, who now sees a father figure in him. Last year, I lost my job due to the pandemic and I haven’t been able to find a new job since. My boyfriend has been very supportive, he pays for everything in the house and for us and my kid (food, clothing, utilities, phone, rent, etc.), not asking me for a single dime. 

Everything is great…except sex. My boyfriend has this unhealthy obsession with blowjobs. He wants them all the time, would love them daily if he could get it. I hate giving head. In the beginning of our relationship I would give him head in hopes that if I did it, it would please him, he would be satisfied and eventually move on as he would gradually discover that I didn’t like it. Unfortunately, that did not happen. He still wants blowjobs as much as he did on day one. 

I don’t like his penis, not only is he small –but I also find the general shape and feel of it somewhat distasteful.  In attempt to reduce oral sex, I started giving head several times a week, to weekly, to every other week, to once a month, to every other month.  I finally decided to stop all together, I mean it’s my body, my choice. I haven’t given him head in about 3 months.  He will ask for a blowjob about occasionally and my reply is always “no.” As of late he sends very visible and clear signs that he’s unhappy. In my last refusal, I made it absolutely clear. It’s NO,  it will never happen again and told him to stop asking. 

Last week my boyfriend told me that if I’m not willing to give him head that our relationship would be over. He told me, If I want this relationship to go forward, then he needs weekly blowjobs. And if that was too much for me, then I would have to pack my things and leave, because he couldn’t live like this anymore. He told me that I had until the end of the month to make up my mind. 

I am completely CRUSHED. The very fact that my boyfriend would even CONSIDER ending our relationship makes me question if he ever loved me in the first place. I don’t want to give him head ever again, but I CANNOT move out. I have no money to move out, no source of income, and no family, friends or relatives to live with! I told him this and he seemed not to care. Please help! Any advice would be immensely helpful.  I have NO IDEA what to do.

Read Ashley’s response on the next page.