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May is Masturbation Month, and if simply seeing that word masturbation still makes you a little uncomfortable, you may be just who this holiday is for. For some reason, while talking about sex with another person has become rather normalized, talking about self-pleasure can still make people a little uneasy. It’s almost as if we’re okay with the idea that we should make others feel good through sex, but we’re not okay with the idea that we, ourselves, may want to feel good alone. All on our own, and not having anything to do with pleasing another person or maintaining intimacy in a relationship. But we do! The statistics are in, and one survey found that 80 percent of American adults view masturbation as a form of self-care, and that’s quite the opposite of fulfilling someone else’s needs. The same survey found that many Americans use masturbation to relieve stress. By the way, those numbers are up tremendously since just five years ago.
Not only is it perfectly okay to want to orgasm without another person present, but it might be an important part of our health. And since many Americans who are single are content to be that way, sex with a partner simply isn’t something they’re always looking for. So masturbation plays an important role in the lives of many demographics. In celebration of Masturbation Month, we wanted to get some tips from the experts on how to get the most out of self-pleasure, as well as how to reframe your thinking around it. So we spoke with the pros over at Velvet Co about the topic. They created one of our top-listed adult toys, the Thruster, and are running a site-wide 20 percent off sale using code MAYDAY20 all this month. Here’s what they had to say, plus some other fun facts.
It’s not just for solo play
The experts at Velvet Co remind us that masturbation doesn’t have to only be for solo play. Masturbation can become a form of foreplay – which 21 percent of Americans think should be much more important in their relationships, and 29 percent wish was at least a little more prioritized. But let’s be honest: sometimes your partner just doesn’t know how to touch you correctly. You can only give so much direction before you feel like you’re helping someone land a plane. Stepping back and handling it yourself, to get yourself ready for intercourse, can not only make sure it’s done just how you like it, but can also be very visually arousing for your partner.
It doesn’t harm his libido
Here’s a myth the Velvet Co folks busted for us: that masturbating kills sexual desire. In some couples, there’s a no-masturbation or minimal-masturbation rule specifically for the men. The idea behind it is often that, the more a man masturbates, the less he’ll feel like having sex with his partner. But studies have actually found that regular masturbation has actually very little effect on a man’s testosterone levels (which play a big role in his sex drive). If your man seems to be so addicted to masturbation that he chooses it over sex with you, that’s a problem, but don’t fear if he helps himself a few times a week that he won’t desire you when sexy time comes around.
It can help with pain management
When you have an orgasm, your brain and body release a slew of hormones and chemicals that, all together, work to make you feel good in many ways. One of these is called Endocannabinoids. These are neurotransmitters that play a big role in the processing of pain. They actually fire off to reward us for positive behaviors like exercising and socializing (all-important for human health). And when we orgasm, we get a surge of them. Waiting for sex with another person to get a burst of these healthy neurotransmitters would simple be, well, unhealthy. So help yourself get a dose.
“Masturbate about it!”
This quote comes from Julieta Chiara, one of the sex experts on thethruster.com. Chiara explains that masturbating can give you something called “post nut clarity.” While that term technically applies to men, it works for women, too. Masturbating has a way of neutralizing your thoughts. When you’re stressed, it can calm you down, and when you’re excited, it can also help level your nerves. If you’re struggling to make a decision, feeling anxious before a presentation, or feeling overwhelmed, a little masturbation session might help relieve some feelings that are clouding your judgment, and ultimately promote a better thought process.
It can make you happy
Serotonin plays a major role in our happiness levels, and when we orgasm, we release a good amount of it. This shines an interesting light on the idea that those in romantic relationships are happier than single individuals. Is that really true, or is it just that couples are having sex (and hopefully orgasms), whereas single individuals are…not? And couldn’t that be simply fixed if single individuals masturbated more, giving themselves that serotonin boost? Just because you haven’t found the one doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve all the happy chemicals that couples enjoy – and they’re probably getting them from orgasms, not from arguing about where to have dinner. So you can just skip the latter part, and move onto the former.
Give yourself some backdoor action
Perhaps we often associate backdoor action with partner play, and something we do to please somebody else. It’s common to work anal play into your rotation with a partner if you’ve been together a long time and need to add something new to the menu, but have you considered trying it on yourself? Sex expert Chiara says, “While I had always loved anal play with partners, why not try it on myself? I would recommend either self-stimulation with fingers, or to make things easier, masturbate with a butt plug in. Not only does this make masturbation more sensational, but I find that orgasms feel SIGNIFICANTLY stronger!”
Quarantine had us doing it more
The Tenga survey found that a good amount of Americans report having masturbated more during the pandemic quarantine than they did before. A whopping 41 percent of men stated this, and 31 percent of women said the same. This is an interesting supplementary piece of information to the fact that the quarantine encouraged many of us to finally learn more about self-care, and to find affordable, sustainable ways to alleviate stress and depression. For many, going to a spa or movie wasn’t an option during the pandemic, but for others, due to budget constraints, that’s never really an option, pandemic or no pandemic. So, masturbation may be here to stay on as a budget-friendly form of self-care.
Women are silently enjoying porn
Men will speak to you openly about their porn preferences (whether you want to hear it or not). A man will gladly state it if he spots a porn star in real life that he recognizes from his, um, private time. But when was the last time porn came up at your girls’ night? If and when it does, how long does the conversation last? I bet it dies off quickly. In fact, one survey found the majority of women never speak to each other about watching porn, and would even feel embarrassed if their friends knew they watched it. But, it also found that many women watch it so, this is our love letter to women: you are all (mostly) watching it so, you’re in good company. Now talk about it.
You don’t have to be single to do it
Here’s another note from the experts at Velvet Co.: masturbation is not just for single individuals. There’s no need to ease back on it just because you’ve found a partner. Maybe you don’t see him as often as you’d like to have a big O. Even couples who live together can become so busy that they don’t have as much sex as either party would like to. And guess what else? It all ties into the porn thing, as the previously referenced survey about female porn-watching habits found that many women feel naughtier and hornier after watching adult films, so a little solo session with an X-rated film could be part of the lead-up to partner play.
It can help you sleep
Masturbating during sleep is a thing, but that’s not what we’re talking about. Masturbating before going to sleep can help you sleep. Sleep and sex have a close connection, in fact. Sleeping poorly can make it difficult for a woman to enjoy sex, meanwhile, having good sex or a masturbation session before sleep can help you sleep better. So, really, one feeds the other: masturbate for better sleep so you can then have better sex. Orgasms help reduce the release of the stress hormone cortisol, so having one right before bed can help you calm down, and perhaps chill out those obsessive thoughts that keep you up at night.
