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August is Black Business Month, and an estimated 43 percent of small businesses are family-owned.
If you start a business with your spouse, that’s technically a family business. We hear family business, and we may first think of being a son or daughter working for mom and dad, but remember that it all started with mom and dad – husband and wife – starting a business together.
There are many famous duos who are partners in love and business. But it’s not for everyone.
If you have made a romantic relationship work for years, then you probably have certain skills that pertain to business, like being good communicators and good compromisers. But running a business together will turn some of those concepts on their heads, and bring out sides of you that didn’t have to be a part of your romantic relationship. For some, running a business with their partner can bring them closer together, but for some, it can put the relationship at risk.
Here are things to consider before starting a business with your romantic partner.
Do you like his business personality?
You’ve probably seen how your partner is with his business contacts. You’ve heard his work calls. You’ve been nearby when he had Zoom meetings. You’ve attended professional events with him. You know how he is when he’s in work mode. Do you like it? Would you like to work with that personality? You’re going to, so it’s important that you like it. You might tell yourself that your partner will be different with you than he is with other colleagues because you’re also his love, but you’d be surprised how much men can switch off parts of their brain (like the lovey-dovey parts) when money is at stake. You will get the business version of your partner when you do business with him, so make sure you like that.
Are you comfortable giving feedback?
When you wish your partner would fold the laundry differently, cook the salmon a bit more, not bring up that one subject around those certain friends…do you tell him? If you do tell him, how comfortable are you with telling him? Do you have to take days preparing the perfectly crafted way to tell him? Does it give you anxiety? That won’t work in a business relationship. You don’t have time for that. You need to feel comfortable giving your partner feedback pretty instantly if things are going to move forward. It will be a regular part of your days together, so make sure you’re okay with that.
Are you comfortable getting feedback?
When your partner tells you to fold the laundry differently or cook the salmon a bit more, how do you take it? Be honest. You won’t do yourself any favors by glorifying your behaviors in your memory. Do you take it in stride, and never make it personal? Or do you become defensive? Do you pout? Do you start listing the things he does wrong as some sort of retaliation? If you do behave like that when given feedback, then you’ll have a hard time working with your partner. He needs to be able to give you honest and frequent feedback, and your ability to remain calm when that happens will dictate how successful you two are.
Do you have others to vent to about work?
When you don’t work with your partner, to whom do you vent about your coworkers? Your partner. So, what happens when your partner becomes your coworker? You can’t very well tell husband Jake how annoying coworker Jake was that day. It’s important that you have other sounding boards when it comes to work stress other than your partner because he could be the stress. Even if your partner isn’t the one causing you stress but an outside party is, there could just be nights when your partner is over talking about work and you simply need to find someone else to let it out to. Do you have that person?
How will you organize finances?
When you start a business with someone other than your romantic partner, your finances are not comingled, so the money part is clean and clear. You start a business account. You open a business credit card. But it’s easy for the finances to get messy when you’re working with your romantic partner. In the same way you put toilet paper for the home on your joint credit card, you may put printer ink for the business on there, too. That could happen with a dozen things, making it really difficult to extract business from personal expenses later for taxes. Then there’s bigger moving parts, like when you need more capital. Do you grab that from your joint savings? But what if that was meant for a down payment on a home? Now you have to choose one or the other?? See, it gets messy fast.
Will you bring equal value to the table?
You’ll have to be very honest about this one. Since you are romantic partners, you might be looking to split the profits of this 50/50. You want to be equal partners. Romantic partners can struggle to admit when one person brings substantially more value to the table than the other. For example, if you have years of experience in this industry ahead of your partner, you may know that you’ll wind up pulling most of the weight. You may even wind up feeling more like a mentor to your partner than a business partner, which can build resentment if he’s taking half of the profits. If you recognize this could be the case, you must decide if you’re comfortable bringing this up to your partner.
Are you ready to spend 24/7 together?
Some couples are already used to spending all day, every day together, so that part of running a business together won’t be a major adjustment. But if you used to have separate jobs that took you to separate locations, five days a week, and now you’re going to work together, you’re about to increase your time together tenfold. Many couples don’t realize that time apart is an integral part of what makes their relationship work. And now, you’ll not just be together all of the time, but in a business setting – not a fun one. When it’s time to unwind and have fun, it’s important that you will want to be with the person you’ve been working with all day.
Have you seen others succeed at this?
Do you have some role models for this? I’m not talking about celebrity couples, but real people you know personally. Do you know some couples personally who share values and lifestyles similar to yours and your partner’s, and who have made this work? If so, talk to them. Pick their brains. They are a valuable resource for you, and can teach you about some pitfalls they wish they’d known about. Your friend in those couples can also be the person you go to to vent about working with your partner. She knows particularly what you’re going through, more than anyone else.
Why do you want to work together?
You should have a specific answer to this. It shouldn’t just be “Because it sounds fun!” If you’re going to go into business with your partner, it should be because he is absolutely, 100 percent, without question, the best person for you to do this particular thing with. If you could technically do it with many other people, you’ll have to ask yourself if it’s worth doing it with your partner, and putting your romantic relationship at risk. Maybe there is a special reason that this must be a boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife endeavor. Just be sure you’ve asked yourself these questions before establishing that LLC.
What happens if it fails?
Before you even begin, have a conversation about what failure looks like. Some people can say that’s bad luck; others would say that’s good planning. You should have some milestones in your head. You should have specific numbers and goals you want to reach with your business by a certain timeline. You don’t want to be in the thick of it, arguing about whether or not the business has a shot. Identify what success versus failure look like before you even begin. It’s sort of like a contract. You should know, in advance, how far you’re willing to take this, and what would make you want to walk away. Figuring this out late can cause a tremendous amount of pain and conflict.
