What You Can Learn About A Guy From A Zoom Date

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Even though major dating sites such as Match or OkCupid may have had video chatting tools before the pandemic, an expert from the Match team reports that usage of such tools means didn’t really take off until the pandemic. OkCupid reported a 700 percent increase in virtual dating at the start of the pandemic. And 70 percent of Hinge daters are now saying they’re open to video chats. With social distancing orders in place, few people blink an eye when an online match suggests meeting through screens before doing so in real life. It’s the norm.

In some cases, there are prequalification requirements users must meet before they can even use the video chatting tool on dating apps. One such requirement might involve exchanging a certain number of written messages before switching to the virtual platform. Such restrictions make sense if you think about it: we really let someone in once we move into the world of video chatting. They can see our facial expressions, they can see if our posted photos are authentic representations of ourselves, and they can see our homes. It’s kind of a big step to finally see one another, even if it’s still done through the separation of screens. And you can learn a lot about a person even in a short correspondence over Zoom. Think of how many first dates were a waste of time before the pandemic. What wouldn’t you have given to have known some things about a person before getting dressed up and battling traffic for them? Video chatting introduces one more step in the vetting process, so make the most of it by paying close attention. Here are things you can learn about a guy from a video date.

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Will he even Zoom?

First off, will your date even participate in a video chat? Not everyone will. But if he really resists it, pushing instead to just meet up in-person, that could be a red flag. The simplest reason is that, if that’s what makes you comfortable (a video call before the real date), then he should be happy to fulfill that request. But some other things could be at play, like the fact that his photos may not be accurate representations of his appearance – something he knows you’ll feel more pressure to brush off if you’re already meeting in person. He may just not be a great communicator and relies on in-person sexual chemistry to carry him through interactions, but you need a good communicator. In general, there’s no good reason for a man to refuse to do a video call.

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Can he focus?

Video chatting gives you a chance to see how well a man can focus on you. When he’s at home, there are plenty of opportunities for distractions. Heck, when he is on a device to chat with you, there are chances for distractions. You could notice that he’s actively scrolling through his social media feed while talking to you. You might notice he is reading emails on his laptop or watching something on TV out of the corner of his eye. On dates at restaurants or at bars, we may not realize how easily a guy gets distracted because he doesn’t have things like a remote control or laptop at his fingertips. But over a video call, you can see if he struggles to give you his attention.

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Will he show you his place?

If a guy is up for a video date, how much of his home will he show you? Does he keep the camera cropped in very close the entire time, so you can basically just see his face? After you give him a full tour of your place does he just say, “Very nice…” and then not offer up a similar tour of his pad? Does he even go so far as to use a green screen or virtual background, so you can’t possibly pick up glimpses of his belongings or décor? If a man will do anything to keep you from seeing his home on the screen, that should raise a red flag. You can, of course, simply ask him why that is, and his answer will also tell you a lot – like if he becomes defensive, or if he seems nervous all of a sudden. What’s going on there?

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Is he tidy?

Look, we’re all adults here. You’re probably ready to date a man who dusts from time to time instead of the college boyfriends who had so many pubes on the floor they practically formed a carpet. You probably want a man who puts his clothes in the closet and in his drawers, rather than leaving a growing pile on a chair. You probably don’t want to see pizza boxes on the bed and candy wrappers on the nightstand. Research has even linked one’s level of cleanliness to moods and overall health. You may have guessed that cleanliness and good moods go hand in hand, as do cleanliness and fitness.

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Did he decorate…at all?

You don’t need the guy to be a professional interior decorator, but it can be nice to see that he put some effort into his surroundings. You are likely ready to graduate from the guys who have nothing beyond a mattress on the floor, an Ikea desk, and a couch fold-out tray that they call their dinner table. Caring for one’s space by decorating it and generally creating an aesthetic shows a lot of things about a person. We take inspiration from our surroundings, so the man with the well-decorated place probably wants to be inspired, because he has goals and aspirations. On a simpler note, you may spend a lot of time there one day, so you don’t want it to be depressing. And, let’s be honest, if he has no furniture at all, you have to ask: is this just the secret apartment he keeps away from the wife and kids?

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Does he silence his roommates?

The roommates tell you a lot about a man’s state of mind and life – whether they mean to or not. First off, the roommates may accidentally call you by another woman’s name, tipping you off to the fact that this guy is chatting with a lot of women. Or, they may just engage in very fratty. locker room chit-chat, talking about hooking up with women and other things you’re likely to find to be a bit much. What does it say about a guy who chooses to live with men like that? If it seems a man goes out of his way to silence his roommates or keep them out of your sight, it might be because he’s embarrassed of what they say about him. And what they say might be very telling.

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Are there signs of goals being set?

You can often tell from someone’s home if they’re driven, have goals, and take steps to get organized towards those aims. These can be simple things like large calendars that are color-coded and filled up with personal deadlines and appointments. Perhaps you see a whiteboard where a person strategizes and brainstorms. Maybe you see some to-do lists posted around the place. Perhaps on the bookshelf is a stack of books about career advice and great achievers, and on the walls you see posters depicting images and quotes by other great minds. Or maybe there are a lot of posters of beer and a calendar from seven years ago that was never used.

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Comfort with eye contact

Eye contact is not as cut and dry as we may think, as research has proven. It’s not all about, “If they look at you, they’re mature” or “If they don’t look at you, they don’t like you.” It’s layered. But, the video date does draw more attention to eye contact, and in general, how comfortable someone is with being looked at or looking directly at you. You aren’t in a restaurant, bar, or pretty botanical garden where you can both use the surroundings as an excuse to look around and comment on things. It’s just the two of you, so you’ll quickly discover if this person feels insecure and uncomfortable in controlled, quiet one-on-one interactions.

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Is he pushy?

It’s always such a disappointment when you meet up with a guy IRL who you met online, and he turns out to be really pushy. He just goes in for the kiss too soon. He is too forward. He’s touching you a lot. He’s saying sexual things. The second he gets you there in person, he’s no gentleman, and you wish you’d never wasted your time on this date. Fortunately, the addition of the video date might show you if a guy is a creep before you waste any time going anywhere to see him. If he’s a creep, he’ll likely push for some things on the video chat, like having you show him more of your body, or showing you something you didn’t ask to see. At least then you can just close your laptop screen, instead of having to close a tab and call an Uber the way you do when in-person dates go wrong.

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Is he too good at Zoom?

You know how some guys are too good at first dates? They’re so polished, but also know how to not seem polished. It’s all calculated. It’s like a level of a game that they’ve mastered so that they can get to the next one. And then, you feel like they might be players. Well, some guys are getting great at the video date – too great at it. They know what makes women happy, like showing them their dog, their well-made bed, or all the philosophy books they have. They have tricks up their sleeve, and you start to realize that they probably go on dozens of Zoom dates every month. Or every week. Suddenly, you don’t feel so special.