Ways Having Shared Interests, Or Not Having Them, Impacts Your Relationship

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What makes a relationship work? It’s a question that everyone from psychologists to poets to simply concerned citizens has tried to answer for centuries. Of course, centuries ago, the most important traits in a mate might have involved “child-bearing hips” and “good hunter.” Today, we don’t need to worry too much about our survival in that way and can focus more on other ways a partner elevates our lives. So now we’re looking at personality. Does this person make you happy? Does he make you laugh? Does he understand the inner workings of you? One study found that married couples who consider their partners to be their best friends show high levels of satisfaction throughout life. And isn’t that what we all want? To feel mostly satisfied, most of the time?

So if we know that having a partner who is a best friend can increase happiness levels, then we look at what makes a best friend. In real life, you often bond with close friends over shared interests. You meet friends through your major in college, through sports teams in high school, or as far back as the sandbox in elementary school. Shared interests actually demonstrate more than we realize. So it should be no surprise that research finds having shared interests with a loved one actually matters quite a bit. One survey found that 64 percent of married couples say shared interests are critical to the success of a relationship. Our contact at Tinder shared some of the top passions users list on their profiles and often state that they’re seeking in a potential mate. Let’s take a look at some of those desires, and how shared interests impact a relationship in the long term.

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Breaking a sweat

Sports and working out are both on the list of top 10 passions Tinder users mark on their profiles. And there is one thing each of these has in common: the potential to make you sweat. To be into sports and to enjoy working out point to someone who is into fitness. Sure, sometimes, you have someone who just enjoys watching sports without moving a muscle, but for those who like playing sports, having a partner who also enjoys kicking or tossing a ball around can be important. Research has found that there are several ways exercising together helps a couple feel bonded, including the fact that the mere act of working out mimics symptoms of arousal like sweatiness and a fast heartbeat. Some exercising requires couples to get coordinated in their movements, heightening a sense of working well together.

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Loving the outdoors

Tinder also reports that a love of the outdoors is an interest users often report as important on their profiles. And research has shown that camping can lead to a steamier sex life – both while on the camping trip, and after getting back from it. If you think of the activity of camping, it involves a lot of teamwork. Between carrying the gear, pitching the tent, and building a fire, there’s a lot you must do together in order to make the trip a success. So that could increase a bond. Being outdoors can also be invigorating, and help one release inhibitions, so sharing that excitement with one another might improve feelings of closeness.

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Traveling

Travel comes in as the second most noted passion on Tinder profiles, and research has found that couples who travel together report more feelings of romance in their relationships. They also report better sex lives than the hermit couples, and would rather go on a trip than take gifts like jewelry or other treasures from their partner. A love of travel can signify traits like being adventurous, being curious about other cultures, a willingness to leave one’s comfort zone, adaptability, and the ability to compromise. Between hotel rooms that are smaller than advertised and back to back redeye flights, travel (at least budget travel) certainly isn’t built for rigid, high maintenance individuals.

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A love of dogs

Tinder users often make a note of it on their profiles if they love dogs and require a partner who feels the same way. There is certainly plenty of evidence to support the idea that dog lovers make great partners. One survey even found that nearly half of humans think that being an animal lover automatically makes someone more attractive. A handful of studies have also shown other winning qualities of pet owners, like the fact that they live longer, have generally better health, and even make more money than those who aren’t into pets.

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Cooking

The couple who cooks together may stay hot for each other, too, according to research. One survey found that the majority of couples interviewed believed that cooking together improves communication. If you think about it, it makes sense, since cooking is a time when you are engaged in a task together, removed from other distractions, but still mentally present enough to talk. It’s not like you’re reading side by side. You can chat while you chop. This could be why cooking also made it on the top 10 passions listed on Tinder profiles. Cooking together can also encourage healthier eating habits, which can lead to hotter bodies, and that never hurt a couple’s sex life.

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Coffee

Coffee lovers tend to let this passion be known on their Tinder profiles, too. For some, it’s just what gets you going in the mornings, but for others, it’s a lifestyle. And while it seems like some cliché to say the way someone takes their coffee says a lot about them, it turns out that it’s true! One professor conducted a rather large study on coffee drinkers and found that some personality traits permeated different types of coffee drinkers. For example, those who take their coffee black can be stuck in their ways, decaf drinkers tend to be worriers, instant coffee drinkers can be too laid back, and lovers of frozen/blended drinks tend to be childlike.

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The hobby you don’t share is an expense

You might be thinking, “Is it really so bad if a couple doesn’t share the same interests?” One relationship and mental health expert weighed in on that very question in this piece. He brings up several things grounded in reality that can drive a couple apart, should they not share interests. A big one is money. If your partner’s interest requires quite a bit of money, and you don’t see the beauty in that interest, then you might regret it each time he reaches for the family credit card to partake in his hobby. In the article, the expert gives skiing as an example. Everyone knows skiing is no budget hobby. The slope passes, clothing, and equipment are already pricey, and if you don’t live near snow, then you have to pay for travel and accommodations to hit the slopes. If only one person in a couple is interested in such a pricey hobby, the other might resent the expense.

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It’s a time expense, too

Even if your hobby is cheap or free, it might cost you a lot of time. Your kickball league might practice Saturday afternoons and play games on Sundays. If your partner doesn’t want to join, that could mean you spend a lot of weekends apart. If you’re into camping and your partner isn’t, then that can mean multiple consecutive days that you’re apart, every time you venture into the woods. In general, your partner can see your hobby as an obstacle to time with you, rather than something positive. And you can struggle to enjoy your hobby when you can sense your partner watching the ticking clock, waiting for it to end.

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If not you, then who?

The same relationship expert who spoke of the costs associated with hobbies, and the issues they can cause, brought up another good point. If you aren’t spending time with a partner while doing your hobbies, then who are you spending time with? Going back to the example of the kickball league. If you don’t have your partner to joke around with in the outfield, you might joke around with someone else. And you might feel bonded to that other person. Your partner may feel jealousy, watching you share a hobby with somebody else. It may seem petty, but it’s a reality. If you aren’t bonding with your partner over a hobby, then you’re bonding with somebody else over it.

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Take an interest in his interest

So, do you have to share interests with your partner? If everything else is there except for common interests, maybe these stats and figures have shown you that it’s worth taking an interest in a partner’s hobbies, even if you aren’t naturally drawn to them. You don’t need to go camping/wine tasting/dog walking with him every single time he does it, but you probably shouldn’t sit it out every single time, either. It’s easy to say, “You do your thing and I’ll do mine,” but if your thing and his are very different, and you make that choice every time, you won’t wind up spending much time together.

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Ways Having Shared Interests, Or Not Having Them, Impacts A Relationship