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One in five renters report having fallen behind on their rent during the COVID-19 pandemic. Some research has found that as many as 52 percent of millennials moved back home with their parents in July of 2020 – the height of the shutdown for many states. Meanwhile, almost 30 percent of Americans have no emergency savings. No matter your living situation, whether you’re a renter, homeowner, or couch crasher, keeping a roof over your head is probably your priciest monthly expense, and it’s an expense you can’t do without. You can sell your car. You can stop dining out. You can give up regular hair appointments. But you can’t just not have a place to live. And, you can’t change your living circumstances as easily as you can change the way you, say, grocery shop. There is one way to cut back on rent quickly, though: get a roommate. But that can come with some drawbacks.
Your home is your sanctuary. It’s the one place where you can control the vibe. The moment you have someone else move in, you give up some of that control. And, given the terms of the lease, you might be stuck with someone for a while, whether you like them or not. Remember that anybody can seem great in a short interview. You have to ask the proper questions to know what you’re getting yourself into. Here are the right questions to ask a potential roommate.
Do you have a significant other?
Keep in mind that sometimes, when you take on a roommate, you’re also taking on their partner – you just don’t know it yet. But if someone is in the phase of their relationship when they’re having a lot of sleepovers with a partner, you may have a part-time third roommate on your hands who isn’t paying rent. And you didn’t sign up for a third party staying over, several nights a week, using your water and power, and taking up room on the couch. So find out all you can about this important information. If you’re considering taking on someone with a serious partner, lay down some ground rules in advance about how often there can be overnight visitors.
Are you dating?
The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know and if there is one thing worse than a roommate who brings a boyfriend or girlfriend over several nights a week to mooch off your food and hog the hot water, it’s an individual who brings different overnight guests into the home every week. If this potential roommate is single, politely make it clear where you stand surrounding your comfort with who (or how many people) come in and out of your place. Those people are essentially strangers to your roommate, so they’re total strangers to you, and that poses a risk to your safety.
Why are you moving?
It’s perfectly normal to ask why someone is moving. The question is not rude or invasive. For all you know, they’re moving for normal reasons, like getting a job in a new neighborhood, getting a raise that affords them better living conditions or having their old building torn down by developers. But, you might find that they dodge this question, or become uncomfortable. If they mention something vague about issues with past roommates but won’t get into it, be warned. They might have not only had roommate drama but instigated it, which is why they don’t want to get into specifics.
Do you mind if I call your old roommates/landlord?
You may never do it. You may not even be allowed to, depending on laws where you are. But you are certainly allowed to ask, “Would you mind if I spoke to your old roommate or landlord?” Just seeing their reaction to that possibility can be very telling. Ideally, you want someone who says, without hesitation, “Of course! That’s no problem.” If they don’t want you to, hopefully, they’re comfortable sharing the details as to why that is so you can determine if it was them or the other party who misbehaved in the living situationship. If they say, “I prefer you didn’t” and won’t say why, that should give you pause.
Do you like your job?
This is a great getting-to-know-you question. You learn a lot about someone’s values and personality by hearing them talk about their passion. You also learn something if they don’t feel passionate about their job at all: you may have a depressed weekend warrior on your hands who hates their life five days a week. In fact, you might detect that they could soon quit (or be fired), which would put a strain on their financial situation. If you’re someone who is ambitious and trying to build a life that you love, you may not want to live with someone who just works to live, isn’t working towards a greater purpose and could end up being financially unstable.
Are you comfortable with this price?
At the end of the day, you just want a roommate who pays the rent on time. It should be up to them to decide if they can afford that, and afford that comfortably. But you’ll do yourself a favor by doing some investigating. Ideally, you want a roommate who can easily make the rent payment. You probably want a roommate for whom finances are not tight if they pay this rent. If you sniff out the fact that this rent price is, say, 50 percent of their take-home income every month, you could be dealing with someone who struggles to pay rent. That means that one financial change on their part could lead to a missed rent check.
What’s your cleaning routine?
If you ask specific questions like, “Do you clean your dishes after every meal?” you feed them the answers you want to hear. You make it too easy for them to give fake but appealing answers. So ask the general question of, “What’s your cleaning routine?” If someone is incredibly messy, it will be hard for them to make up a comprehensive and detailed cleaning practice or schedule on the spot. They’ll fumble through their sentences. It will be obvious that they don’t clean enough to be able to speak fluidly about their cleaning habits. But a tidy person can confidently tell you what their practices and patterns are.
How do you spend your free time?
This is similar to the cleaning routine question. You leave it open-ended, so they can reveal whether or not they can answer on the spot in a satisfactory way. Asking, “Do you have lots of friends over?” makes it clear what you want to hear, and how they should adjust their answer. Asking, “How do you spend your free time?” can give you a general sense of whether or not this person will have over a lot of guests, or will even be away from the home so much you basically have it to yourself. Maybe you’ll learn they love to cook elaborate meals or do at-home workout videos, which could mean a messy kitchen or workout equipment all over the living room, or a possibility for some free meals and a workout buddy.
What’s your sleep schedule like?
Having very different sleep schedules can impact your rest and your mental health more than you know. If a roommate is nocturnal and works from home, then that means they’ll need to use lights and appliances, and water while you’re sleeping. They’ll need to do all the things a normal person must do during the day, at night. They can try hard not to disturb you, but they’ll certainly never be as quiet at night as someone who was sleeping during those hours. Meanwhile, you’ll have to be very careful to be quiet during the day while they’re sleeping. It’s just not the most compatible match.
How do you like the city?
Asking somebody how they like the city in which they live is a good way to figure out if they’re a negative or positive person. If they list all the things that bother them about your city, well, they might be rather negative. Even if their complaints are valid, a positive person would try to see the positive things about the place that they chose to live in. Nobody forced them to live there. If it’s so bad, why don’t they live somewhere else? Honestly, probably because wherever they live, they complain about it. Be careful about what sorts of vibes you allow in your home, and look for a roommate who won’t be such a Debbie Downer all of the time.
Do you drink or smoke?
Get a sense of how much this individual drinks at home, smokes at home, or does either, anywhere. If you have a no-smoking policy, you need to put that out there right away. Be clear on what “no smoking” means to you, bearing in mind that some roomies might consume a certain, eh, substance through other means than smoking. You might also not be comfortable with somebody who takes down a bottle of wine by themselves every single night. Or, if you like to drink, you may not want a roommate who is uncomfortable around and/or judgmental of alcohol consumption. You need to feel at ease in your own home and don’t want to feel the need to hide your habits.
What do you like/dislike in a roommate?
Remember that this roommate needs to be happy with your habits, too. If they aren’t, then tension can grow quickly. So if they list pet peeves that are exact descriptions of some of the things you do (like leaving clothes in the dryer for too long or having friends over on the weekends), then this may not be a good fit. On the flip side, if you share all of the same pet peeves, then you could be an excellent fit. If neither of you can stand dishes left out for even a half-hour after a meal, then you’ll appreciate having the same level of cleanliness. If you both hate when lights are left on in rooms where nobody is sitting, you can enjoy a lower electricity bill together.
How long will you live here?
You probably don’t want to go hunting for a new roommate again in six months, so it’s a good idea to get a sense for how long this person plans on living in this city. Asking this question also just gives you a sense of how well someone maps out their life – how reliable they are, and how much of a planner they are. You may not want a flighty roommate who has no idea where she sees herself in one year, and who just goes wherever the wind takes her. Likewise, if you hope to live alone again in, say, two years, it’s important to make that clear.
Are you cool with a deposit?
A deposit is a good way to protect yourself in the case of a roommate who bails on you, or damages your home. But it’s also a good way to simply verify that this person can afford to live there. Ideally, you find a roommate who has enough of a financial cushion to afford a deposit. If they don’t have the cash to do that, then that means they could be living paycheck-to-paycheck. And then what happens if they lose their job? You don’t ever want to be in a position where you must either pay all the rent for someone else who cannot afford it or pressure someone who is trying to make ends meet to fork over their cash.
Where are you from and where is your family?
Getting a sense for someone’s relationship with their family is another smart way to pick up on any anger issues or problems that could become an issue later. Realistically, everybody’s family bothers them a little bit. Being able to speak about them kindly and calmly is a sign of overcoming those issues. If someone speaks terribly about their family or becomes evasive when you ask about them, they may come with some baggage that you don’t want to deal with. If they couldn’t forgive their blood relatives for something…how will they forgive you when you do something they don’t like?
