Ask a Very Smart Brotha: My Best Friend is Dating a Married Man

Dear Champ,

When I was in college, I met and then became best friends with a very smart, pretty, down-to-earth young woman. Everything about her was fun and bright; except for the abusive relationship that she was in with her lowlife, longtime boyfriend. Throughout the years, my friend tried very hard to stay positive and hide her unhappiness. She was successful for the most part, but she couldn’t hide all of her bruises, black eyes or the broken arm he gave her as a Christmas gift in our senior year. The routine of her getting beaten up and then weeks or sometimes just mere days later making up with the guy, confused and angered me and our other close friends. About a year after we graduated, she and the guy moved in together and shortly after, she became pregnant. She was so happy to be pregnant and I wanted to be happy for her, but all things considered, I was actually upset because I was sad and scared for her and the baby. We got in a huge fight because of my lack of support. She (not so nicely) asked me to stay out of her life. I complied. A year went by before she contacted me. When she did I learned that she miscarried at four months after a particularly brutal fight with the lowlife…We cried about it, rekindled our friendship and she told me that his causing her to lose their child finally gave her the urgent motivation to move on.

My friend had been single since the incident. She was very introverted and somber all the time…Given everything she’s been through, I completely understood, but I didn’t want her moping around forever. Sso I encouraged her to fix herself up, go out, and live. She did. She met an actor who stars on a popular TV series–a very MARRIED actor with kids! She confided that they’ve been having unprotected sex…

I feel like she’ll only end up being hurt again. Maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally. He is the first man that my friend has been with since coming out of her shell, so to speak. She is so happy and giddy and I am ecstatic about that aspect because I hadn’t seen her smile in so long that I damn near thought she forgot how. I really don’t want to steal her joy and I don’t want to tell her what’s on my mind and get into another big fight with her, but biting my tongue is beginning to hurt. I find myself distancing myself from her and I hate this. So, I ask you, what should I do? Do I speak up? Will it cause a fight? Should I just mind my business and be a supportive friend?

-Sincerely, Walking On Eggshells.