Ways Having Pets Prepares You For Parenthood
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Parents can get offended when their childless, pet-owning friends compare their experiences to those of parenthood. I can understand that. I’m not going to dare suggest that taking care of a poodle is the same as being responsible for not only the physical but also the emotional, mental, spiritual and overall well-being of a human being. I understand that the investment of time, energy, financial resources, and emotions are in two different leagues of their own for pet owners and parents. So I have tried to be more careful about saying, “I know what you mean – my pet woke me up twice to go outside” to parents complaining of sleep deprivation. I don’t know what it means to be woken up every two hours for weeks or months on end to nurse a baby during the night. I say all this to, in a sense, call off the dogs and calm the easily-offended before saying this: having pets does help prepare one for parenthood. It certainly helps way more than doing nothing and caring for nothing before.
It’s rather worrisome when a couple who has never been responsible for anything together suddenly takes on the responsibility of caring for a child. I certainly fear for couples who have no patience for pet bathroom accidents or needy animals who tell me they’re having kids. Nobody is saying that having kids and babies is the same, but if the level of difficulty for parenthood is a 10 out of 10, maybe having pets is a two out of 10, and having been there is much better than going from a level 0 to a 10, and then having kids. Here are ways having pets prepares you for parenthood.
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Structuring your schedule around somebody else
When you don’t have kids or pets, you wake up, and you decide what you want to do based on: 1) what you feel like doing 2) what your schedule allows 3) what your energy level allows. If you have the time, desire, and energy, you can say yes to whatever comes up. The moment you add a pet to the picture, that all changes. You can’t just go from brunch to the beach to the bar to dinner. You have to go home – or arrange for somebody else to – to take out and feed your pet. You can’t just sleep on a friend’s couch, spontaneously, after a night of drinking. You have to get home to your animal. And you can’t skip dog walks because you’re tired. It’s happening, whether you’re up for it or not. There is this new factor that influences every single decision you make about your schedule. Just like it will be when you have kids.
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Making dietary decisions
Maybe, between you and your partner, you eat one way and he eats another. You don’t think too much about it. Perhaps you’d like him to lay off the beer and red meat. But, ultimately, he’s an adult in charge of his body, as you are yours. But once you have a pet, you care deeply about its well-being, and diet is a big part of that. You and your partner will have to decide on the best diet for your pet. Raw? Plant-based? Mostly fish? Kibble? Wet food? Is human food ever allowed? Do you allow those crappy but yummy fake bacon treats in the house? Diet impacts one’s overall health. It’s the same for pets and kids, and it’s something you’ll need to get used to discussing with your partner if you want to have children down the line.
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Making behavioral decisions
This is a big one. In fact, one poll that explored the biggest conflicts between parents and grandparents surrounding rearing kids found that snacks (there’s that diet thing again), manners, discipline, and screen time are some of the top issues. That shows you how passionately parents feel about managing the behavior of their kids. You’ll have to have these discussions about pets, too. Can the pet be on the bed? Can she jump on people? Is she allowed to roughhouse? Is she allowed to beg at the table? Do you want to do training? What type of training? There are many schools of thought around pet discipline. When the pet cries, do you comfort her, or ignore her? These are decisions that can help prepare you when it comes to kids.
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Caring deeply for someone else, together
When you have a child, they will be a shared thing (well, person) that you and your partner both care about deeply. You both will feel entitled to make decisions about the child. You’ll both feel incredibly emotionally impacted by anything that happens to the child. You’ll have a shared investment, emotionally and mentally. It’s a very bonding experience. It can also cause a lot of conflict because A) you both feel very strongly about any decisions relating to the child and B) that could mean a fight if you feel differently about anything concerning those decisions. All of this is also true of having a pet. You need to get used to daily disagreements that will come up in parenthood. And they’ll come up with pets, too, because you both care about your animal of choice a lot.
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Adjusting your budget
Many people aren’t prepared for the costs of having a pet. They can be shocked that it’s not just food. A simple checkup with some bloodwork can run you well over $200. What about flea medication? Heartworm prevention? Dietary supplements? You quickly learn you should probably have pet insurance, so that’s a new expense. There may be grooming involved, depending on the breed. And then there’s paying for sitters when you travel or walkers if you have to go to work. Then again, there are many couples who love to spoil their pets and spend more on them than other family members, according to one study. But ultimately, you’ll need to discuss money a lot when you have a pet. You’ll need to do it even more when you have kids, so it’s good to get practice in early.
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Facing some sleep deprivation
The days of sleeping in might be over if you have a pet. They’ll definitely be over if you have kids, so it might be easier on your system to make the transition slowly. Start with the pets, then getting up regularly throughout the night for a baby won’t be as big of a shock. Pets won’t wait for you to sleep until 11 a.m. on a Saturday. They want their breakfast and their walks at a certain time. Well, you can sleep in if you want…but you’ll wake up to a mess if you know what I mean. And when pets get sick, they often wake you up throughout the night because they need to go outside. Pets also bark and wake you up. They jump on your bed and wake you up. This is all very similar to the way small kids will scream and make noises and jump on the bed to wake you up.
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A new difficulty with travel
The world is your oyster when it’s just you and your partner. If you want to travel, you just book your tickets. You just need to get the time off work and you’re good to go. Once you have kids though, it will be different. You must either find a sitter, and then budget that into your travel expenses, or find a place that’s kid-friendly, and budget that into your expenses. If you opt for a sitter, you also think of the emotional implications – how long are you willing to leave your kids? If you bring them, you think, How will this impact our ability to enjoy the trip? The same happens with a pet. If you have to pay a sitter, that’s an added expense each day you’re away. If you bring the pet, you pay a fee to the hotel and airplane. You have to find pet-friendly activities or return to the room often to take out your pet.
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Sharing responsibilities
Having a pet gives you and your partner a chance to see how you divvy up responsibilities. You’ve already covered some of that with living together (hopefully), but now, there’s a living being involved. If someone neglects to feed or walk the pet, or give them their medication, the consequences can be serious. You may learn that one person tries to pass all the walks off onto the other or slacks off on the grooming. You will need to learn your rhythm and figure out a way to care for your pet in a way where no one feels taken advantage of and everyone feels appreciated. That will happen with parenthood, too.
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Facing the good parent/bad parent dynamic
It’s almost impossible to avoid this dynamic, whether it’s with pets or kids. My husband and I face it with our dog all of the time. I handle a lot of the not-so-fun stuff like giving her baths, taking her to the vet, clipping her nails, and making her take her supplements. And sometimes, I’m tired when the day is done. Then my partner steps in and, like a hero, suggests we all go to the park. I say, “I’m tired. Can we just do a walk around the neighborhood?” and he guilts me, saying, “But she loves the park! Don’t you want to make her happy?” Yes, that’s why I handle everything surrounding her health, dammit! So he takes her to the park, and he’s the hero. He’s the good parent. This will come up with kids, too.
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Handling messes
Let’s get real about it. Parenting kids and having pets involves a lot of cleaning up poop, pee, and spit-up/vomit. If you’re uncomfortable with that sentence, then you definitely need to have a pet before having a kid. When you have a pet or a kid, you’ll have to ask your partner regularly, “Did she poop? What did the poop look like?” You have to know to determine their health. You’ll just have to get used to handling some pretty gross stuff and it’s good if you can get some practice in before starting a family. A dirty diaper will be like a walk in the park.
