The Other Love Languages Women Speak That Men May Not Have Known About

Source: Riska / Getty

Any man who thinks women are materialistic can bite his tongue after hearing about new research that shows quite the opposite. A survey done by Zulily found that, when asked what they really want as a present from a partner, most women didn’t say anything about jewelry or gift cards or even vacations. What do they really want? Quality time with their partners, along with quality alone time. And that time doesn’t need to involve glitz, glamor, or Dom Pérignon. In fact, the survey found that many women consider quality time with a partner to mean simply being in the same room while doing separate activities. As for how much women value alone time, a significant percentage said they’d give up their PTO for it, and when asked what they wanted for their birthdays, many just wanted to be left alone for a little while.

This survey brings into question what we know about love languages and how we express them. Maybe acts of service don’t need to involve giving a massage but rather just taking out the trash more. Perhaps words of affirmation don’t need to be “you’re perfect” so much as “you do a good job as a mother.” And spending time together can look less like hiring a personal chef for the evening and more like doing separate crossword puzzles on the same couch. Based on this survey, we’ve come up with some acts of love anyone looking for a new way to spoil their partner can try this Valentine’s Day or just any time of the year. Most of these do not cost money but will be worth more than you can imagine to the woman in your life.

Source: Westend61 / Getty

Take the kids out for the day

I have a friend who has children and she and her husband do this very smart thing: every Saturday, one of the parents gets up in the morning and takes the kids out for a full day of activities. The other parent can sleep as long as they want, and then have the house to themselves for a few hours. They alternate every weekend. But just knowing that day is coming of sleeping in and having the home to herself my friend says is a saving grace for her mental health. It is granted a bit more difficult during a pandemic, but you can still take children for a walk, to a beach, to a park to play, or to enjoy some outdoor activities that are socially distanced.

Source: Anton Petrus / Getty

Hire a housekeeper

You can’t put a price on the gift of time, and we know moms feel they have nowhere near enough of it. The Zulily survey found that a lot of moms just wish there were more hours in the day. Between picking up toys, wiping down counters, doing laundry, doing dishes, and trying to keep a household from looking in total disarray, among other major responsibilities, all the little tasks add up. Hire a housekeeper. It doesn’t have to be long-term. You can hire a team to do one serious deep cleaning of the home that will leave it sparkling for weeks. Or if it’s in your household budget, you can hire someone to come do a light pass once a week, or a deep cleaning once a month. That gives the busy mom in your life some hours back.

Source: PeopleImages / Getty

Or just do the cleaning

Hey dads and husbands, you could also take on more of the cleaning tasks. You may think you carry your weight, but some research indicates otherwise, showing that in most households, women are still picking up most of the slack on chores and duties. A long-term gift might be making the conscious decision, for one week, to pay attention to the small messes that accumulate in the home. For example, take note of the corners that get dusty and the chores that tend to get backlogged, and then make a deliberate effort to attend to those more. Even just Windexing the bathroom mirrors on a regular basis will make a world of a difference.

Source: SolStock / Getty

Make the meals

Do some meal prepping. Or order food. Whatever your budget or time will allow, just take the meal-making off of your partner’s plate for a few days. We cover some food delivery services here ranging from grocery delivery to fully-made meals that can be a big help. Or if you are handy in the kitchen, you can prep some things in advance, getting veggies and proteins chopped and ready for pre-planned recipes. Just chipping in generally to take some of the burden off of your partner will be greatly appreciated. And maybe seeing the lengths one has to go to keep food on the table will make you more grateful.

Source: Mark van Dam / Getty

Give a “Do Not Disturb” sign

Sometimes, a simple signal that everyone understands that means “Leave mom alone” can be a big help. Maybe get your partner a “Do Not Disturb” sign. When she puts that on the bathroom or bedroom door, everyone has to respect that they are not to go in there unless it is a true emergency. In the meantime, tell the kids that when the sign is up, they are to come to you for any non-urgent needs. Basically, be the designated parent-on-duty for a certain amount of time, so mom can take a bath, read a book, meditate, or catch up on the phone with a friend.

Source: RgStudio / Getty

Enjoy hobbies together – but separately

Just being in the same room can help you feel connected, even if you aren’t engaged in the same activity. If she wants to do a puzzle while you want to play a game on your phone, just sit side by side. You’ll find that you wind up making little comments and sharing with each other. Separating into different rooms to do different tasks has a way of really making you feel alone. Just being near your loved one can release feel-good oxytocin. You’ll probably find you feel closer to your partner if you start doing your nightly crossword puzzles or binge-watching on your separate laptops in the same room, than in different rooms.

Source: Crispin la valiente / Getty

Tackle that home organization project

There is some home organization project that you know has been hanging over everyone’s heads in your household. That closet in the hallway is full of stuff that needs to be thrown out or donated because everything comes tumbling down any time you open the door. Your two-car garage can only accommodate one car because of all of the stuff in there. You have to donate the kids’ baby clothes. Tackle one of those projects for your loved one. That’s one Saturday afternoon she doesn’t have to waste doing that. If it’s in your budget, hire an organizing company to do it for you.

Source: skynesher / Getty

Carve out real date night time

Having date night was high up on the priority list of things women wanted more of. That’s not very easy given the pandemic, but you can still get creative. The important thing is carving out time that is about focusing on each other. If you are home all of the time, it’s hard to differentiate between time together, but not focused on each other, and real time dedicated to one another. Choose some hours when you give the kids a movie to watch, and you and your partner put your phones and laptops away and catch up with each other.

Source: NickyLloyd / Getty

Send her a funny video compilation

Did you know that laughing triggers an opioid release? While resources and activities may be limited during the pandemic, one thing you can do, which the Zulily survey found many couples appreciate, is just send your partner something funny to watch or read. Having a shared sense of humor can actually be an indicator of relationship success. You’ve likely experienced first-hand the way that laughing together can instantly alleviate tensions during an argument, and you know that you feel your partner understands you when he or she makes you laugh. So just text them something funny, perhaps a meme from across the room. They’ll love it.

Source: franckreporter / Getty

Be the home secretary

Between phone calls, emails, and real mail, there is a lot of correspondence to handle in a household. If your partner gives you permission, be the home secretary for the day. Take all the messages. Commandeer your partner’s cellphone so she can ignore it for the day. Answer the landline and take a message. Open the mail, determine what is spam and what needs to be read, and deal with the stuff that needs attention like bills or invitations. Send out thank you notes and get-well cards. All of those tasks that help you and your partner stay organized and connected to others via writing and calls – handle it.

Source: PeopleImages / Getty

Cuddle up for movie night

Physical touch is another thing many moms are craving more of according to the Zulily survey, but nothing raunchy – and not even something like a massage. Women just want to hold hands and hug more. With all the stress this last year brought between homeschooling kids and worrying about health, those little moments of physical connection can help you feel grounded and united again. So, as you would as kids, make a blanket and pillow pile on the floor and cuddle up for movie night. Really cuddle up. Don’t just lay side by side. Get those legs tangled up, share a pillow and share some special time together.

Source: Richard Bailey / Getty

Give a reason to dress up

The survey also found that women just want to be told “you’re beautiful” more often. After a year in which most of us spent a lot of our time in sweatpants or robes, it’s hard to feel very pretty. Nobody’s had much of a reason to do their hair, put on makeup, or assemble a great outfit in a while. So give your partner a reason to doll herself up. Create a romantic dinner at home, with a white tablecloth, a nice bottle of wine, twinkle lights, and jazz music. Create a restaurant feeling at home so your partner has a reason to get dressed up and feel glamorous. Then tell her all night how gorgeous she looks.