What Consistency Looks Like In Dating Relationships
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When it comes to dating success, the experts will often tell you that consistency is key, but it is not often explained why consistency is so important. In an interview with TalkSpace, licensed clinical social worker Cynthia Catchings shared that while the chemistry that may exist between you and a potential partner can feel great, chemistry is ultimately not going to be what carries the relationship for the long haul. Consistency, however, can.
“Chemistry is necessary and good because it creates the desire and is part of the relationship game,” Catchings explained, “However, consistency has to take over for that relationship to succeed.”
But what exactly does consistency look like during the earlier stages of dating — especially when you’re not necessarily in a committed relationship just yet?
“Consistency is a combination of behaviors that include dependability, trust, and a true desire to have a companion and form a serious relationship,” Catchings says. “People who are more consistent with their interactions with one another, such as having predictable behaviors and good communication, have longer and more successful relationships.”
Of course, when you’re floating on cloud nine and experiencing the highly sought-after honeymoon phase at the beginning of a romance, the signs of an inconsistent lover can be easy to overlook. So here are the tell-tale signs of a consistent partner written out in black and white.
Regular contact
When dating someone, consistency looks like regular contact. The person will not disappear for days without so much as a text message and then reappear with a weak excuse like “I needed to get my head together” or worse, acting as if nothing happened.
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Follow-through
Consistent lovers are dependable people of their word. They don’t make a ton of elaborate promises and then never deliver. They care about how you perceive them and they don’t want to disappoint you, so nine times out of 10, if they say that they’re going to do something, they make it happen.
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Words match actions
In addition to keeping their words, consistent partners live by the phrase, “keep that same energy.” Their words always match their actions because they aren’t simply telling you what they think you want to hear. You never have to wonder about whether or not they’re sincere because they show you in addition to telling you exactly how they feel about you.
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Steady temperament
A sure sign that a person is not into you is their hot and cold attitude towards you. While everyone is entitled to a bad day here and there, a consistent lover, for the most part, maintains a steady temperament when they’re dealing with you. They don’t use you as a target for their frustrations and they don’t send mixed signals concerning their level of interest in you.
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Predictability
Consistent partners are fairly predictable in nature because they consistently show you the same thing over and over — that they’re into you and they’re serious about it. As a result, you know exactly what you can expect from them. You typically don’t have to sit and question their intentions.
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There’s a natural, gradual progression
There are some romantic partners who come on so strongly at the beginning of a courtship that there’s nowhere to go but down. These lovers are infamous for their inconsistent and flaky behavior. Consistency in dating looks like a gradual progression. The relationship typically evolves at a steady pace.
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Regular dates and meet-ups
Consistency in dating is much more than regular good morning texts and nightly phone calls. It also looks like regular dates and in-person meet-ups. While consistent communication is important, it doesn’t take a ton of commitment to text message and call a person. Spending quality time in person, however, does.
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Steadily increasing attachment and interest
A good indicator that a partner is going to be consistent is that their attachment to you slowly builds over time. Consistent people typically don’t fall head over heels after one encounter. They gradually get to know you and their attachment grows at a healthy pace.
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Calling and texting first is a non-factor
When someone has demonstrated consistent behavior over time, you don’t feel a sense of dread over whether or not you should call or text them first. Their patterns have shown you that they’re definitely into you so you don’t have to question whether or not you’re bugging them when you feel compelled to reach out.
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Involvement in other areas of his life
Another indicator of a serious and consistent partner is one who gradually begins to involve you in other aspects of their lives — be it by introducing you to their colleagues, friends, or relatives. Your blossoming relationship does not exist as an isolated entity that they never integrate with the other aspects of their life.
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