How Extreme Weight Loss Impacts Relationships

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Even though it’s your body, others will often have something to say about it when you go through a major transformation. People are used to seeing you a certain way. Friends and family members have their own ideas about what it means to look good or to be healthy. And sometimes, even if you begin to conform to those ideas, they can still struggle to accept it because you’re moving out of the box they were most comfortable having you in.

Extreme weight loss can happen for many reasons, and it can show up in many ways, too. In some cases, it’s an overweight individual getting to a healthy weight. In other cases, it’s an individual who was already of a healthy weight getting into “fighting shape” – perhaps preparing to compete in fitness competitions. Whatever the motivation, loved ones can have different reactions. It would be nice if we could just block out the words and opinions of others on our journeys with our bodies, but it’s nearly impossible – especially since, sometimes, those words come from people whose opinions generally matter to us. Even if your weight loss is just for you, you’ll see that it affects those around you a bit, too. We spoke with Nofisat Almaroof MD, (IG: @lovenafimd) Holistic Fitness Coach and Board Certified Family Physician, about how an extreme body transformation can impact your relationships.

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Your culture’s definition of femininity

“In my family, being toned or skinny…people kind of associate that with you being less feminine or womanly,” explains Almaroof. She says that being skinny in her family can invite comments like, “Eat some more…so you can be more womanly – more curvy.” After getting into shape herself, Almaroof admits becoming nervous about attending some family functions, fearing someone would say something like, “Are you okay?” or “You’re too small.” “Some people don’t have boundaries,” she adds.

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When outsider comments make you question your goals

Almaroof says that, even when you know your motivation and your goals, comments from loved ones can make you second-guess yourself. She says when you lose weight, “People worry about you. They wonder if something is wrong with you. They can have you wondering if you’re taking things too far.”

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The role of food in your social life

“A lot of socialization is around alcohol and food,” notes Almaroof. “Eating late. Going to brunch. All of these things…For someone who is just trying to get fit, you’re going to have to learn how to say no to those things. A friend who is understanding will understand that you are trying to do this for you and it’s an important goal. They will support that.”

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Your glow-up can cause anxiety in others

While the supportive friend will help you prioritize your fitness goals and be happy for your progress, that won’t be the case for all friends, says Almaroof. “Some people who can’t relate to your vision – it may cause a little angst or division in the friendship.”

She adds that your idea of a fit body and your friends’ ideas aren’t always the same. “People have different views of what a perfect body is. Sometimes you’re going one route and your friends idolize another route…” And that very divergence from their path can cause anxieties in both parties. If your friends have a completely different idea of what a “good body” is from the body you’re aiming for, “That can make you question yourself. If you aren’t secure in your body, that can make you feel uncomfortable,” says Almaroof.

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Putting too much stock in your appearance

Having a body you love has value, but you shouldn’t place all of your sense of value in that, as Almaroof explains. “For people who are going through extreme weight changes…they might not realize that all of this attention [to your new figure] over time may be a little detrimental. Indirectly, it plays with your self-esteem. You start to look at your body to validate who you are, more so than your character.”

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A growing desire to compare

Going through a major body transformation also changes the way you relate to bodies, in general, says Almaroof. You can become more concerned with what others look like, and how you compare. “In the age of social media, a lot of people are comparing themselves to each other. Fitness on social media has blown up so, so much.”

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Excess stimulation and a lack of self-esteem

When it comes to looking at other bodies online, all of those images can cause complex emotions, says Almaroof. “For some people, when they look at their explore page on IG, all these bodies come up. For some, it’s damaging. They don’t know how to process it. They automatically go into this process of comparison. Those thoughts indirectly play into our self-esteem and how we feel. Sometimes we don’t even know that’s what’s happening. We just feel these feelings of anxiety or anger or frustration…we don’t know why.”

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Intimate relationships and body transformations

“Some partners can be very supportive, and some partners can be very unsupportive in a sense,” says Almaroof, of women who go through major physical transformations while in a relationship. “It depends on how much physical attraction weighs in the relationship. It can be something that is a big problem. With bodybuilding, women are becoming more muscular. For some men, depending on what they find sexy, it can be a problem.”

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You need a partner’s support

Almaroof shared this personal experience: “I’ve had men who hit on me before when I had a more ‘womanly appearance.’ Then I started bodybuilding, and men would send hurtful messages like ‘Ew why are you doing this to your body?’” She wasn’t involved with those men, but it emphasized the importance of being with a partner who is supportive of your fitness goals. Otherwise, not having that support, “It’s another jab at my self-esteem. And my femininity.”

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Your relationship with yourself changes

The journey from wanting to lose weight to doing so to processing that change isn’t so clean and simple, says Almaroof. “Psychologically, to some extent, you can deal with some body dysmorphia when it comes to extreme weight loss. When you’re looking at yourself in the mirror, it’s you, but you don’t realize it’s you until looking at before and after photos.” Almaroof says that, even when she’d look at photos of herself in competition shape, she still didn’t entirely realize that was her – she still believed there was more weight to lose or more changes to be made.

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