10 Ways To Cope When Fighting With Your Spouse
So You’re Beefing With Your Spouse: 10 Ways To Cope Instead Of Venting On Social Media - Page 7
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It’s quite possible that no one, with the exception of your siblings, has the capability of getting under your skin like your spouse. It’s likely because, with the exception of your immediate family of origin, no one knows you quite as well as your spouse. They know exactly what buttons to press, which is why, even though it may not occur very frequently, falling out with your spouse can be enraging and flat-out devastating at times.
In those instances, you may feel tempted to lash out and even take your frustrations to social media for a good ole vent session. However, this will always do more harm than good. For one, you would be acting out of emotion and putting your marital challenges on display for public consumption — something you will likely regret when the dust settles. Two, you stand to not only humiliate your spouse but to also create irreparable cracks within the foundation of your marriage by damaging the trust that you share.
So now that we’ve made a case for why you shouldn’t vent about your spouse on social media, let’s talk about what you can do instead.
Talk it out
There will be moments when emotions are running so high that you feel incapable of talking to your partner. However, when you are feeling calm. it’s always best to discuss your issues with your spouse directly.
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Go to church
Many people turn to their spirituality to keep them grounded during times of conflict. Whether you choose to pray in the privacy of your home, in the company of a prayer group, or along with fellow congregants at your place of worship, seeking help from a higher power can help you to find peace.
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Journal
The allure of venting on social media is that it gives you a platform to release your frustrations. Journaling can provide similar benefits without the consequences of putting your marital woes on front street. Writing can help you make sense of your feelings and what you’re actually upset about. This can make you better at communicating with your spouse and partnering with them to solve the issue that caused the fight in the first place.
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Vent to a trusted friend
Of course, your journal can’t talk back to you, which is why it can also be helpful to talk through your problems with a trusted loved one whom you can rely on to not hold grudges against your spouse when all is said and done. Venting to a friend can help you to feel heard and they may also be able to offer practical advice.
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Connect with a therapist
While talking to a friend can be therapeutic, nothing beats working with a licensed therapist. Therapy can help you get to the root cause of some of the problems that seem to continuously plague your relationship. Further, it can help you recognize your personal patterns, triggers, and take ownership of the ways in which you contribute to those conflicts.
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Write a letter
For some people, communication comes more naturally when they put their words in writing. If this sounds like you, writing a letter to your spouse after a fight may help you to more effectively convey your perspective and organize your thoughts in a way that your spouse may be able to more easily comprehend. Further, writing a letter gives you the opportunity to choose your words more carefully.
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Treat yourself
If we’re being perfectly honest, fighting with your spouse doesn’t feel good so sometimes a little pick-me-up can be just what the doctor ordered to turn your mood around and help you avoid stewing. Doing something that you enjoy can help you calm down and redirect negative energy. Just make sure this activity isn’t equally detrimental to your relationship, such as overspending on retail therapy.
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Take a time out
Picking up and hitting the road any time you and your spouse disagree can actually create more problems, but taking a brief timeout can provide benefits similar to a getaway. A simple stroll through the park, a visit to the coffee shop, or spending a few hours at a nearby loved one’s home can give you the time needed to cool off without making your spouse feel abandoned.
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Exercise
Working out is always a great coping strategy for times of frustration. Physical activity can help you to burn off aggression (and calories). Additionally, exercise prompts the body to release endorphins, which trigger positive feelings in the body. Exercise has also been proven to reduce stress and lower blood pressure.
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Apologize
When you’re married, the concept of “winning” fights is a myth. At the end of the day, you’re a team, not opponents. So if you know that you were wrong in some way, it’s okay to break the ice by apologizing first. Of course, you shouldn’t always be the first to apologize, but there is no shame in breaking the ice when you know that you were wrong.
