The Right And Wrong Way To Hold Your Friends Accountable

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Holding someone accountable is resisting the temptation to rescue them from the consequences of their actions

When you love someone, you may feel tempted to step in as a savior of sorts when they are faced with consequences brought on by their actions. Perhaps, you’ll even lecture them and attempt to make it a teachable moment. Experience is the best teacher so it’s okay to step back sometimes and allow the chips to fall where they may.

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Holding a person someone accountable is establishing and enforcing boundaries

All relationships require boundaries. Boundaries help you to teach others how to treat you and when they are violated, consequences should follow. Of course, consequences don’t have to be punitive. They can be as simple as a firm but direct conversation, but the issue should be addressed.

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Holding someone accountable is demonstrating empathy

Empathy does not have to be absent in the presence of accountability. It is possible to hold a person responsible for their actions while also demonstrating compassion and trying to understand things from their perspective. You do not have to be cold or demeaning.

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Holding someone accountable is being honest

When people whom we love ask for our opinions, it’s easy to sugarcoat our responses or even flat-out lie in order to protect their feelings and avoid uncomfortable conversations. However, it’s possible to be honest and tell people that they are wrong in a loving way.

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Holding someone accountable is not humiliating them

Some have a habit of masking their mean girl antics and adult bullying under the guise of adult bullying. You can often suss these women out because they’re usually the ones shouting from the rooftops about accountability as a means of justifying the tearing down, ostracization, and humiliation of another person.

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Holding someone accountable is not being judgmental or self-righteous

We all know someone who enjoys putting others down while simultaneously exalting themselves. They are extremely critical of the people in their lives and enjoy playing the roles of judge and jury in the lives of their loved ones. They enjoy it when others are down as it feeds their egos and self-esteem.

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Holding someone accountable is not babysitting

Try as we might, it’s impossible to control the actions of another adult. However, sometimes in our attempts to be an accountability partner of sorts, we fall into the role of babysitter. The most that you can do is offer your support. The rest is up to the other person.

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Holding someone accountable is not trying to control them

Accountability is not about control. Our loved ones are not puppets. They should be free to make their own decisions — even when those decisions don’t fall in alignment with our beliefs or values. If you find it necessary to offer your input, do that and then keep it moving.

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Accountability is not punishment

We are all human, which means none of us are perfect. We will all fall short at some point or another. It is not up to us to punish or teach our friends or loved ones a lesson when they inevitably mess up. Maintain personal boundaries, of course, but it’s also important to show grace.