How To Get Comfortable Hearing “No” In Your Career
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Nobody likes to hear “No.” “No, you can’t have a raise.” “No, we won’t invest in your company.” “No, we won’t buy your product.” “No, we won’t collaborate with you.” Even just seeing the word no written there stings.
No feels like rejection. It can feel like someone telling you that you or your idea aren’t good enough. It doesn’t mean that, but it can feel like that. If you’re going to succeed in your career or in your business, you need to get to a place where the “Nos” don’t phase you. You’ll need to make your way through hundreds if not thousands of “Nos” to get to the “Yes.” It’s just part of the deal.
The most famous authors had their manuscripts rejected hundreds of times before getting a yes. The startups that are soaring left hundreds of pitch meetings with no startup money, until that one person saw their potential. If you can’t tolerate hearing “No,” you’ll quit before getting anywhere. As for that one person you know who got a “Yes,” right away? She’s an exception to the rule and we shouldn’t base our expectations on exceptions to the rule.
But more than becoming comfortable with hearing “No,” you might even be able to train yourself to like it – to get a thrill out of it. We spoke with career coach and founder of the KNAC hiring platform Ariel Lopez along with Deirdre Orr of Dierdre Orr Career Coaching and Consulting about how to get more comfortable hearing “No.”

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Hearing no is evidence of something powerful
Lopez says that if you’re hearing “No,” that’s actually a sign that something good just happened. Rather than focusing on what you aren’t getting, appreciate what you’ve done. “Hearing no or getting rejected always sucks but it proves a few things: 1. You tried 2. You’ll be better the next time around 3. The opportunity wasn’t right for you.”
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Rejection is just redirection
Lopez admits that, of the three things proven when you hear a “No,” number three (the opportunity wasn’t right for you) is the hardest to comprehend because we want what we want. But over time you’ll learn that rejection is just redirection towards something better.”
In business relationships, just like with dating, if the other party believes you aren’t a good fit, they must be correct. They just saw it first, but they did you a favor by saying “No.” You would have seen you were a poor fit eventually.
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There’s something better in store
Orr tells us, “Growing up I hated hearing that word (no). My mom used to say it with ease and not even bat an eye. Of course, back then I didn’t realize that no really meant yes. Haha! You see as an adult hearing no took me through a few emotions, however, the entire time whatever I was being denied from was only a setup for something greater.”
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“No” is not a reason to give up
Orr shares, “As a career coach and resume writer, I work with several women who are at a crossroads in their lives. They are either in a job search, want a promotion, or ready for a career transition. All while in that process they are told no… and often! When they come to work with me, they are so burnt out and defeated they are ready to give up and settle. As their coach, I cannot and will not let that happen. I help my clients to understand that rejection simply means that that position, that interview, that company, etc. wasn’t for them. After they adopt that shift in mindset, they have a better outlook on their continued search.”
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Find the lesson and the motivation
Lopez says that hearing no, “Can fuel you to make adjustments to how you’re doing things currently, build a better product based on feedback, or motivate you to prove the nay-sayers wrong…The biggest thing to ask yourself is ‘What is the lesson here?’ Note, that answer may not be immediate, but ultimately it will prepare you for what’s next.”
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Avoid these destructive habits
After you do hear a “no,” you may feel an impulse towards some behaviors that would ultimately be destructive. “Don’t fall into a depressive mode, don’t go on social media and start comparing yourself to others, don’t lose sight of all of the many blessings you already have!” says Lopez. “Learn to be present, express gratitude, and visualize/manifest what you desire.”
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It’s not a mark on your record
Orr actually writes a bit about handling career rejection on her site, but one quote that really resonated was this: “Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth,” and she’s 100 percent correct. What has truly changed when someone says “no?” Nothing. In fact, things only change when you hear the “Yes.” But however you felt about yourself, and whatever skills and accomplishments you knew you had before hearing no– those didn’t diminish even a bit after hearing it.
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Every “No” is a step closer to “Yes”
Lopez shares, “I myself have seen more nos than yeses from my time working as a recruiter, all the way through my experience as an entrepreneur. Every no brings its own share of disappointment, but you realize that it only takes one yes to get what you want. Focus on the yeses, all of the ones that have gotten you to where you are today, and all of the yeses you have yet to hear.”
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Source: Mavocado / Getty
Maybe it wasn’t yours to begin with
“When you hear the word no, smile and get excited because what’s for you will never miss you!” says Orr. It’s a sentiment echoed on her website, where she writes, “If you weren’t selected, it was never meant for you. What’s for you is for you.” Ultimately, you wouldn’t want to work with someone who didn’t recognize your value anyways. And their “no” is evidence that they didn’t recognize it.
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The power of sharing failures
There are some pretty impressive individuals who have understood the power of sharing their failures as a way of showing those still coming up in the world that failure is an inevitable part of success. One professor of psychology at Princeton believed so much in this idea, that he created a CV of his failures. The founder of Spanx, who is one of the youngest self-made billionaires in America, has spoken extensively on her failures on the way to the top – including some embarrassing ones. Do yourself a service and research the failures of the figures you admire.
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