Signs You’re Overthinking Your Relationship And How To Stop - Page 8

Source: filadendron / Getty

We’ve all been guilty of overanalyzing a situation from time to time. It’s part of our human nature. However, some of us have a tendency to overthink more than others. As referenced by Psychology Today, Yale clinical psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema defined overthinking or rumination as “a method of coping with a negative mood that involves self-focused attention” and “repetitive and passive focus on one’s negative emotions.” Overthinking steps outside of the realm of “normalcy” when the negative and intrusive thoughts become so loud, disruptive, and upsetting that they interfere with your ability to perform everyday activities, impact the overall quality of your relationships with others, or cause you to feel physical symptoms.

One of the areas in which many women report suffering from chronic overthinking is within their romantic relationships — particularly, new relationships. Making yourself vulnerable and opening up to someone new can be an anxiety-inducing experience. As you get to know this new person, the very real possibility of having your heart broken or your trust violated can linger in the back of your mind, leaving you worrisome and fearful of what the future holds. As a result, overthinkers have a tendency to mull over the tiniest of details.

“All of us overthink from time to time,” Dr. Kathryn Smerling, PhD, LCSW, a marriage and family psychologist, told Bustle. “The key is distinguishing when it’s a once-in-a-while occurrence from when it’s becoming a serious problem and can shatter even the strongest relationships.”

Now that we’ve established what it means to overthink. let’s take a lot at some of the signs that you’re a chronic overthinker.

Source: Thurtell / Getty

You make up scenarios in your head

A tell-tale sign that you’re a chronic overthinker when it comes to your relationship is that you frequently sit and play scenarios in your head that have not actually happened. You may be sitting at your desk at work when the intrusive thought about a partner being unfaithful pops into your mind. Instead of dismissing it, you ruminate on it, thinking of some of the possible scenarios in which you might catch your partner cheating or the ways in which you would retaliate if you did.

Source: MixMedia / Getty

You constantly replay conversations in your head

In addition to ruminating on things that haven’t happened, overthinkers also have a tendency to dwell on and relive things that have already taken place. You may sit and replay conversations in your mind, attempting to read between the lines and decipher things your partner has said or things that they did not say. You may stress over one particular aspect of the conversation as you seek to uncover the hidden meaning behind your partner’s words.

Source: Jasmin Merdan / Getty

You lament over small mistakes

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes within the relationships that we share with the people we care about. Admitting that we messed up, can feel embarrassing and uncomfortable at times but for overthinkers, these moments can be especially devastating. They stress over the tiniest of mistakes, oftentimes, out of fear that their missteps will dramatically alter their partner’s perception of them and/or result in the end of the relationship.

SEE ALSO

• Why Actress Amber Iman Calls ‘Goddess’ A Love Letter To Black Women In Theater [Exclusive]
• Terrence Howard Bashed For Rejecting Marvin Gaye Biopic Over Gay Kiss Scene
• Here’s Why You Should Never Pee In The Shower, According To Health Experts
• Wowzer! 10 Sex Games To Build Trust And Intimacy With Your Partner
• Diddy’s Defense Admits Violence But Denies Sex Trafficking In Opening Statements

Source: Ivan Pantic / Getty

You read into everything

While there can definitely be early signs that a relationship is about to go south, overthinkers tend to believe that everything is a sign. As a result, the read into everything. The slightest variation in a daily good morning text sent from a partner or the occasional last-minute change of plans is enough to send an overthinker into a tailspin.

Source: PeopleImages / Getty

You ask for reassurance often

The thoughts of overthinkers keep them in a constant state of turmoil and worry. Oftentimes, they’re unable to get out of their heads long enough to soothe themselves, so they rely on their partners to calm their anxious thoughts as well as to reassure and affirm them.

Source: Delmaine Donson / Getty

Now that we’ve highlighted some of the tell-tale signs that you’re overthinking a relationship. Let’s discuss some strategies for stopping.

Determine why you’re overthinking

There are many reasons why a person overthinks. It could be trauma from a previous relationship, issues of abandonment, or even an underlying anxiety disorder. It can also very well be that there is something wrong within the relationship. When trying to determine the root cause, it can be helpful to talk things over with a licensed therapist.

Source: Sisoje / Getty

Get busy

It’s been said that an idle mind is the devil’s playground. This definitely applies to overthinking. When you have a ton of free time on your hands, it’s easy to entertain and ruminate over negative thoughts that lead to overthinking. However, picking up a hobby that you enjoy can help. Filling your time with the things that you enjoy can keep you from being overwhelmed with worrisome thoughts.

Source: Constantinis / Getty

Control your thinking

While you may not be able to control which thoughts enter your mind, it is possible to redirect negative and anxious thoughts when they enter your mind. Some strategies include choosing to think about something else the moment the thought enters your mind, reciting the alphabet backwards then forward, or reciting positive affirmations — just to name a few. With some practice, you can train yourself not to entertain thoughts that may cause you to overthink.