How To Make Life With Judgmental People A Little More Tolerable
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Life with judgmental people can truly be a drag, but the unfortunate reality is that they’re everywhere. Whether it be at work, family gatherings, mommy meet-up groups, church, or elsewhere, it’s almost impossible to escape judgemental people as they sit upon their proverbial high horses, looking down at everyone else as they self-righteously wag their fingers.
Judgemental people have no qualms about letting you know they disapprove of your choices or giving unsolicited advice about what they think you should have done instead. These folks and their condemnation know no limits as they will pick apart everything from your parenting approach to how you handle yourself during moments of grief to how woke they think you are. Of course, the natural reaction to people who are overly critical is to simply end the relationship. However, in many scenarios, this isn’t an easy decision and in some instances, it’s not even a possibility because these people are our colleagues, neighbors, or relatives that we love and care about deeply. So, how do you navigate relationships with judgmental people when cutting them off isn’t an option? Keep reading to find out.
Stop oversharing
When dealing with the self-righteous, one thing that you have got to learn how to stop doing is oversharing. For some of us, when we get really excited, comfortable, or we begin discussing a topic that interests us, the words start coming out like vomit and before you know it, you’ve shared entirely too much. Practice pausing during conversations to reflect before you share something or consider drafting a mental or physical list of personal subjects that you will not discuss with people outside of your immediate circle.
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Don’t share news prematurely
In the same vein of oversharing, when dealing with judgmental people, it’s best not to share news prematurely. For one, it feels as though sharing good news before it’s finalized is a form of sabotage. Further, it opens you up to unwelcome criticism and commentary from the know-it-alls. Finally, you leave yourself open to more criticism in the event that things don’t work out as planned.
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Avoid rationalizing your decisions
When someone attacks your choices, it can be tempting to defend or even attempt to rationalize your decisions. Whenever possible, avoid doing so. First, you don’t owe them anything. And second, it helps to establish a cycle in which you feel as though you have to answer to this person for your choices.
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Ignore their commentary
Some hypercritical people find pleasure in the reactions that they get from people as a result of their swift judgment and harsh commentary. As a result, one of the best responses is no response at all. You can either go mute for a moment, allowing an awkward silence or you can talk right over them as though they said nothing at all. Over time, your silence will let them know that their opinions about your lifestyle choices are completely irrelevant.
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Take a break
Sometimes, you just have to rid yourself of the negativity. It doesn’t mean that you love that person any less, but your mental health is paramount. Protect your peace and put some distance between you and the person when their constant need to criticize becomes too much to bear.
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Call them out
Many of us are hardwired to avoid confrontation, but when dealing with chronically judgmental folks, sometimes you just have to tackle those difficult conversations head-on. Make them aware of what they’re doing and the fact that you don’t appreciate it. They had no problem making you uncomfortable with their criticism, so return the favor.
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Deal with your insecurities
Being in a relationship with a highly judgmental person can take its toll when you struggle with insecurity. Insecurity makes you second guess yourself and choices. It makes it so that you are easily swayed by the opinions and input of others. For your own sanity, it’s important that you work to resolve these feelings so that you’re not allowing self-righteous people to run your life.
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Tell them which topics aren’t up for discussion
In any relationship, boundaries are important, and when dealing with these folks, you’re going to need them. Be clear about which aspects of your life are off-limits and stick to your guns. Refuse to engage when they attempt to prod and pry into those aspects of your life that you have asked them to refrain from discussing and if they can’t respect those boundaries, end the conversation.
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Remind them that they’re not perfect
Some might call this approach petty or unnecessarily confrontational, but sometimes, the holier than thou folks need to be reminded that their poo stinks as well. So while they’re passing judgment and harping on your shortcomings, don’t hesitate to remind them of theirs as well. Folks love to point out the speck in someone else’s eye while there is a whole plank in theirs.
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Change the subject
Most of the time, the highly judgmental are so critical of the people around them because they have a ton of issues that they aren’t dealing with within their own lives. Their behavior says much more about them than it does about you. In this case, sometimes the best way to deal with them is to distract them and change the subject.
