Signs Your Romantic Partner Is Feeling More Like A Roommate In Quarantine

Remember date nights?

If you’re like many people during this pandemic, you may have noticed that the efforts you and your partner made before to keep the fire going in your relationship have fallen by the wayside. It’s understandable. With the ongoing fear of getting around too many people and catching the coronavirus, you guys have been keeping things in-house and low-key for some time. Maybe you both work from home and spend most of the day in each other’s presence, click-clacking away at computers and trying to get assignments done before the next Zoom meeting. Perhaps the stress of just trying to stay employed and healthy in general has put sexy time and romantic evenings on the back burner. It’s not a big deal until you find yourselves passing one another in your apartment or house, feeling like you spent the day doing the same thing you did the day before and the day before that. Repetitive routines are the ultimate romance killer, and can leave you feeling as though you’re living with a roommate rather than a romantic partner. It’s never too late to change that. But first, you have to recognize the signs that things are getting stale.

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You Both Are Getting Way Too Comfortable

Letting out belches without a second thought? Is he passing gas and just hoping you won’t notice? Maybe you’ve forgotten to close the door when using the bathroom. It all seems like small potatoes until one day you hear him emptying his bowels and you realize things have gone too far. Maintain some of the mystery, people.

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There’s Too Much Quiet Time

Before the pandemic wore you both out, silence was filled with conversations about each other’s day, funny occurrences, and just talks about whatever was on your mind during dinner. Now, you both just sit and watch the same Netflix movies or TV shows every night, and do so without really conversing. You eat at different times and often, it’s so quiet, you can hear a pin drop. You don’t have to force it when you feel there’s absolutely nothing to talk about, but make an effort when you can to talk about something that you’re both into.

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You’re On the Phone More Than Anything

So maybe it isn’t so quiet, but perhaps you guys sit in each other’s presence for hours — while staring at your phones and iPads. You flip through the news of the day or watch trending videos, keeping yourselves more connected with what’s going on online than with one another. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the ‘Net, but you should make time in the day to unwind and unplug together.

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Sex Is Every Once in a While

You’ve either been doing it like rabbits during the pandemic, or you can count on your hands how many times you and your partner have been intimate in the last few months. There’s no shame in it. The state of the world right now, including the numerous stories of police violence against Black people, can leave you depressed and certainly not in the mood. However, if sexual intimacy is important in your relationship, as it is in most, then you need to make sure you guys are doing more than just getting in bed and going straight to sleep every night — even if that means scheduling sex for when it’s convenient for you both.

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You Find Peace in Being in Separate Rooms

You want to watch your show in peace and he wants to read his book. Not a big deal. But when you guys spend more time apart in the house and don’t even notice it or care that you do, it’s definitely a sign that you and your partner are teetering dangerously close to the roommate zone. Maybe read a magazine while he reads his book. Or perhaps you can persuade your partner to check out a new show you’re into, or start one that you’ll both like. Whatever you choose, don’t get too comfortable with wanting a whole lot of space in the home you share.

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Certain Meaningful Things Stop Happening

If you go to bed without telling your partner you’re hitting the sack, or you leave to run errands without even saying goodbye, you both are definitely acting like roommates. It’s important to make sure you and your partner are still sharing kisses and doing the things that used to feel super natural and sweet.

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You Talk a Lot About House Rules

When you do converse about things, you’re reminding each other of ways to keep the house together: “Did you leave the milk out?” “…but I washed the dishes last night?” “You keep leaving the toilet seat up!”

It’s important to make sure both parties are doing their part to keep things tidy, but it can also sound a lot like you’re driving each other crazy by not taking care of one thing or another. It’s good to share different chores, or dole out days that you want them done to ensure that you guys aren’t always bickering about who did and who didn’t do what in the house.

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Everything Is About the Kids

Children are the center of a couple’s world, sure, but they can’t be everything. They can’t be the only thing you talk about, and they can’t be the only thing you focus on in the day. Granted, watching kids while simultaneously working now leaves couples exhausted by the end of the day, but make sure you’re making some time for one another. A happy couple creates a healthy and even happier environment for kids.

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You Can’t Remember When You Last Said “I Love You”

Just because you see each other ALL the time now doesn’t mean it’s still not important to share how you feel about one another. We often take for granted the people and things we have the greatest access to. Whether you say it before you guys call it a night, before you leave the house or when you’re showing appreciation for one other’s thoughtfulness, efforts or mere presence, a quick drop of the “L” word goes a long way in keeping warm and fuzzy feelings going.

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You Don’t Desire to Do Anything Romantic

A simple 15 or 30-minute walk can be romantic. Also nice? You can go on a drive together if you’re not yet comfortable trying to dine outdoors with the masses or go around places that feel too busy. And while it’s often easier to just hang out on the couch, again, make time to do something out of the ordinary. Grab an ice cream cone before it gets cold. Walk by the water. Enjoy a picnic in the park. Don’t allow yourselves to get too used to doing a whole of nothing.