What To Prioritize (And De-Prioritize) During Times Of Stress
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When someone is in a good place, when they have a handle on things, when there are no particularly difficult events happening in their life, they can prioritize quite a bit. Think about it. You may have times you feel like superwoman because you’re on top of just about everything. But, again, there needs to be some peace, balance, and overall wellness in your life if you’re going to nail every part of it.
During times of extreme stress, however, which, for many, is right now, a person cannot be expected to keep the same priorities. It’s important to know that because so many people try to prioritize the same things — to not slow down and to act as though everything is fine when it isn’t — and that can have painful consequences. It’s okay to not give your all when you don’t have your all. Anyone who loves you should understand that. But, more importantly, you should understand that. Here, Dr. Laura Louis, a licensed psychologist who often helps patients with stress management, talks about what to prioritize and deprioritize during times of stress.
Source: Dr. Laura owns these photos / Glamor Shots
Postponing doesn’t mean not caring
One of the reasons it can be difficult for someone to de-prioritize certain things, temporarily, is the fear that that means they permanently don’t care about that thing. Putting a hold on work or your social life can feel like saying those things don’t matter to me. But Dr. Louis assures us that, “You can say to yourself ‘I care about this. It is important to me. But right now, it’s going to send me over the edge.’”
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Consider the cost/benefit
During normal periods of life, certain activities, like socializing, networking events, and workout classes, can be energizing. But during times of stress, these events, when you’re expected to be on and your best self, can just be exhausting. Dr. Louis encourages people to recognize when they feel like, “If I go to this thing, it’s going to cost me. I’m not going to be fully present if I go.” She adds, “Release yourself of obligations that are going to drain your mental and physical energy.”
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Be a caregiver to yourself
There can be that concern that taking time to oneself is selfish, but to that, Dr. Louis states, “Sometimes we have to release the need to please others…As women, we are natural caregivers so we want to make sure our friends are okay. We want to make sure our siblings and our children and husbands are okay. Sometimes we just have to make sure that we are okay.”
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You aren’t a flake
For many individuals who pride themselves on being reliable, on doing what they said they’d do and showing up where they said they’d be, self-care during stressful times can be especially difficult, as it can mean doing something a reliable person hates to do: flaking on commitments. But, Dr. Louis reminds us that the people who really know you know you aren’t like that, and this is temporary.
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Signs it’s time to re-prioritize
Your brain is conditioned to tell you to keep going and to try to do it all, so noticing when you must decelerate life and prioritize yourself isn’t always easy. One sign that it’s time to do so, according to Dr. Louis, is this: “If usually you’re gentle, and now you’re starting to snap [at loved ones], that’s a sign that you’re out of balance.”
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Listen to your heart
Literally. This isn’t about being in your feelings about stress: it’s about literally paying attention to the pacing of your heart. Dr. Louis says our heartbeat tells us a lot about our stress levels, stating, “Use a smartwatch. You can see how many beats per minute your heart is going. If it’s going over 100 beats per minute and you’re in a resting state, that’s a sign…”
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Don’t ignore new pains
If new body pains and aches are plaguing you, don’t just pop a pain killer and try to keep going, full speed ahead. Those new pains can be a sign to slow down, too. “Getting headaches and body aches that you didn’t used to get…are signs that our body gives us that we physically need rest.” Racing thoughts, says Dr. Louis, are another sign that things are off-balance.
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Delegate when you can
Dr. Louis suggests paying attention to things that regularly interrupt your important self-care moments, and seeing how you might adjust life to prevent that. “If you’re trying to take a bath and the kids are coming in and you can’t have one moment to myself, [say] ‘I need to have a conversation with my partner about how we can rearrange how we’re doing things.’”
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Get specific about your needs
If you do have a partner with whom you can share responsibilities to relieve yourself of stress, it’s important to give specific instructions on how that happens. Dr. Louis says, “Sometimes women say ‘I just want you to love me more’ but men speak in more tangible terms. So sometimes as women we have to be specific [and say] ‘I need you to get the kids dressed in the morning. I need you to put the kids to bed tonight.’”
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Source: golero / Getty
Give yourself a hall pass
“Sometimes we have to write our own permissions slips that say ‘I give myself permission to take a break. To watch a television show. To sit down and relax and take a walk by myself,” advises Dr. Louis. “Yes there are deadlines and things I have to do, but I know if I don’t take care of myself in this moment, I’ll be no good to anyone else. We need to have those conversations with ourselves regularly and often, especially as black women.”
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