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I used to consider myself extremely social. I still am…I think? It’s hard to really keep a grasp on what our regular personalities are under such irregular circumstances. When the pandemic first started, and we were all asked to stay home for two weeks, I hate to say it but, I kind of enjoyed that. It was like playing hooky from life. I got to spend a lot of time with my husband and my dog – the two loves of my life who I always wish I had more time with. But then, after a couple of weeks, I really began to miss my friends. Like hard. My husband would find me crying in the kitchen because I was just so lonely. The novelty of playing hooky had worn off and then I wanted to see people but couldn’t. But, like everyone, I had to adjust. We all did, right? Understanding that life wouldn’t be returning to normal any time soon, we had to find ways to stay happy and feel productive, without really seeing other people. In order to survive, we had to get good at being happy alone. And then I think we got too good at it. What a mind f&$k, if I do say so myself. Now I find myself actively behaving more like a shut-in. Are you? Here are some signs.
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You avoid running into people
If you were going to go somewhere like, say, the park or an outdoor café, but then you learn through social media or the grapevine that someone else you know will be there, or is often there, you choose a different café or park to go to. And you actually like those people who were going to be there. You just like not talking to people more.
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You check your window before walking
You have certain social neighbors who you’ve made the mistake of chatting with. Now when they see you, they want to chat. You don’t really want that to be a regular thing. You can’t stand the pressure. You need your entire building to be your sanctuary where you can talk to nobody if you want. For that reason you look through your peephole or window before going outside, to make sure you won’t run into neighbors.
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You never see your best friend
You have a best friend. Oh yeah. And you love her. You text and DM each other all of the time. You send each other memes, GIPHs, and articles all day long. But…hang out? Like…IRL? No no no. You don’t do that. She understands you enough not to burden you with the task of leaving your home. You can get all the friendship you need through your phones.
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The delivery people know your name
Several delivery people now know your name and order, by heart. It’s like that early scene in “Miss Congeniality” when Sandra Bullock calls a delivery restaurant and they tell her her order before she even gives it. And then they check if all of that food is still just for one person. Yeah – that’s you now. In fact, the restaurants worry on weeks you skip your order. They think something might be wrong with you.
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Sometimes you don’t go outside for days
You’ve accidentally not left your house for days on end. If you don’t have a pet that needs walking, and you can get all of your food delivered, and all of your entertainment on your phone, TV, or laptop, then what’s the point? But yeah, one day you went outside and the sun felt offensive because you just forgot what it looked like.
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“Is it crowded?” is your favorite question
If you’re invited somewhere, again like a park or café, a friend could tell you how lovely it is, how fun it is, how charming it is, and how excited she is to see you. And you say, “Yeah, yeah sounds nice but tell me: is it crowded? I really don’t want to go if there’s a lot of people.” And “a lot” is, like, 10 people.
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“Who is there?” is another favorite question
You also want to know who will be there, before going anywhere. If a friend says she’s having a couple of friends over to her pool or for a backyard barbecue, you won’t go before asking who will be there. If it’s strangers, the idea of getting to know them just sounds too exhausting. But if it’s people you know who are very talkative, that also sounds exhausting.
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You always ask if there’s a virtual option
If you’re invited to anything, from a friend’s performance to a birthday party, you just ask, “Can I watch online?” You’re always looking for that virtual option that lets you stay in your bed with no pants on. Even with some people slowly going out to do things IRL during this pandemic, you still prefer the virtual option. And deep down, you know you would prefer that, pandemic or no pandemic.
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You love to online date. Like, just online
You absolutely love chatting with guys online. You’ll chat for weeks or months online with a guy, if he’ll tolerate it. But there always comes that time when the guys want to meet up in person, and that’s when you feel everything is ruined. Why do they all insist on that, you wonder? We had a good thing going here, in our DMs.
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You haven’t touched these items in weeks
Your bra. Your hairbrush. Your makeup. Shoes that aren’t sandals or slippers. Clothes with zippers and buttons. Your car keys. Your sunglasses. These are outdoor things. These are things you only need if you’re going to see other people, so you just don’t need those. Your bra drawer smells musty at this point.
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You actually read a lot
A lot of people say they will read X amount of books in a month. You actually do it. And exceed it. You don’t struggle with library return dates at all. You finish and return your book long before it’s due. You’re speeding through all of these books. You’ve actually invested in a special reading chair and lamp because this is your life now. You call your books your…oh no…friends.
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You love when people bail
Almost nothing gets you more excited than when friends bail on your plans. Oh. What a treat. Even if they bail on a phone call, that’s nice because, then you don’t have to pretend to be energetic or cheery for that half hour. You live for that, “Sorry I can’t make it…” text. What a gift.
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The Internet is your life source
If the Internet is slow, or – god forbid – cuts out for a bit, you’re on the phone with customer service immediately. This is a life and death matter to you. You are a shut-in, so, you need your streaming services and your social media. If you don’t have the Internet, you may be forced to go out and do something, and that just won’t do.
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Invitations give you anxiety
The second you get an invitation, your brain starts coming up with ways to get out of it. You see an invitation as an invitation to make an excuse not to be there. You don’t even consider who it’s from or what it’s for. It’s an invitation to get dressed and show up somewhere and that’s a problem – a burden, really. So rude.
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Even Zoom hangs are a bother
Even having friends want to schedule a Zoom hang is troublesome. You feel some pressure to at least freshen up your face and brush your hair a little. You have to turn off the TV during that time. What a bummer. You can’t be napping during that time. You just think of all the ways the call is really an inconvenience, rather than a pleasure.
