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I am often called a sweet person. A lot of people would describe me as soft, gentle, and rather feminine. I have a somewhat high voice. I try to be warm and welcoming to new people I meet, and certainly to the people who already mean a lot to me. I love animals and babies. And the color pink. At first glance, you wouldn’t label me as an alpha female. And I’m okay with that. I don’t need to enter every situation by kicking the door down and dominating the room. I know that I’ll arrange things the way that’s best for me without being the loudest or the pushiest or the outwardly strongest. So, yeah, I guess you could say I’m sweet. But that doesn’t mean I’m a lot of the other things people think sweet people are. Many people misread sweetness as a weakness, and that simply isn’t true. If anything, I think those who enter situations by being domineering and appearing tough, they might be the weak ones – they have to put on a show to cover up for the fact that they’re afraid they may not have a handle on the situation. Don’t sleep on us sweet individuals. If we’re sweet, it’s because we’re often internally strong enough to do away with all the peacocking that others do. Here are common misunderstandings about sweet people.
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You can talk the whole time
I’m a good listener. That’s an important quality to me. It’s an important quality to me to have, but it’s also an important quality for me to see in the people with whom I surround myself. A lot of people mistake the fact that I’m a good listener for the idea that they can talk the entire time they see me, never letting me speak. And sure, they can, once. But I won’t be calling them for a second hang out or a second date or a second interview or anything like that. I seek out other active good listeners. I’m not your therapist.
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You can flake on us
I like to be understanding and compassionate. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. If somebody cancels on me at the last minute once, and they have a good excuse, I’ll forgive it. But a lot of people think that because I’m sweet, they can do that repeatedly. If it happens even twice, I stop hanging out with that person. Just because I’m sweet doesn’t mean it doesn’t screw up my day when you cancel on me at the last minute because you’re too hungover from over-drinking last night. You knew we had plans today. And should have lived accordingly. Or pop an Advil and suck it up.
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You can ask huge favors of us
Like, “Hey I know we’ve only hung out once but do you think you could pick me up at 5am on Thursday – I live pretty far from you – and drop me off at the airport?” Yeah…No. I’m sweet. And I’ll take my best friend or husband or mother to the airport. But not someone I barely know. I also know that everyone has Uber or Lyft and anyone who gives a damn about me wouldn’t ask me to bend over backwards like that and screw up my day for their convenience.
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We’ll take your side
I try to see everyone’s perspective. I try to put myself in others’ shoes. I try to understand where everyone is coming from. That’s a thing sweet people do. But, that doesn’t mean that if someone needs backup in an argument, that I’ll provide said backup. If I don’t actually support their stance, I won’t say that I do. And that can surprise people.
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We’ll do your work for you
I will help the people I care about. If they need assistance with something, or need me to teach them how to do something, I’ll do that. But many people believe they can trick sweet people into full-on doing their tasks for them. If I say I’ll help you move, I’m not packing all of your boxes for you on my own. I expect those to be packed when I arrive with the car. If I say I’ll help you polish an assignment, I’ll do just that – but I won’t do the assignment for you.
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We won’t call you out
I don’t like conflict, but that doesn’t mean I won’t say something if someone is just acting wrong. I’ve noticed some people think they can vent to sweet people, and tell them all about their troubles – the troubles they clearly brought upon themselves – and that we’ll say, “There there. It’s the world’s fault. Never yours. You’re just a victim.” Nuh-uh. If you clearly brought your problems upon yourself, I’ll tell you as much.
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We don’t have opinions
Often, ultra-opinionated and dare I say loud individuals think that I don’t have opinions because I’m sweet. The reality is that I don’t feel the need to spray my opinions everyone, on everyone, as far and wide as possible. I let my opinions be known to those who I respect, and when necessary. But just because I’m not some in-your-face ball-buster doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. I just find that personality type annoying, honestly.
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We need everyone to like us
It would be nice if people liked me, but I won’t do anything to keep it that way. I won’t be walked all over. I won’t be spoken over. I won’t be taken advantage of. Don’t think that a sweet person wants you to like her so much that she will tolerate mistreatment. That’s how you drive all sweet people away and are left with just a bunch of jerks in your life who mistreat you.
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We’ll drop everything for your crisis
Though I want to be there for my friends in need, I do have boundaries. So if a friend calls me in a panic, wanting to hang out because she just broke up with her on-again-off-again boyfriend who she’s dumped five times, I’m not dropping the nice evening I’ve planned with my husband to rush to her side. I will look at my calendar, find free time, and we can schedule time to talk then. In all likelihood, she’ll be back with the guy by then anyways and it’ll be a lost point.
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We’ll be friends with anyone
We won’t be friends with anyone. A lot of unfortunate personalities like narcissists or manipulators think that sweet people will be friends with anyone. But don’t be mistaken: I may be sweet to your face, but I can identify if you’re the type of person I don’t want in my inner circle, and I won’t be answering your calls.
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You can lose your temper with us
We’re actually the last ones with whom you can lose your temper. If you want to yell or say nasty things to somebody, do that to someone who is just as temperamental as yourself. Maybe they’ll tolerate it. Sweet people work hard not to lose their temper and don’t want to waste their time on others who don’t make the same effort. Any friend who has ever yelled or lost her temper with me, and any boyfriend who has ever done so – they saw my taillights real quick. And I didn’t go back. I’m not a punching bag.
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We won’t stand our ground
Though I don’t like conflict, as stated before, don’t mistake that for me avoiding necessary conflict. Sometimes conflict is necessary in order for me to assert my values, stop someone from taking advantage of me, or just generally make it known that a behavior isn’t acceptable and needs to stop. People are often surprised when I speak up in these situations because I’m sweet – but I speak up.
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You can take what’s ours
You can’t just ask that I back down in applying for that promotion that you wanted. You can’t ask that I just bounce on the application for this apartment that you wanted. If I’m just as entitled to going after it as you are, I will go after it. Just because I’m supportive and positive doesn’t mean that I’ll just hand over the things I want and have the right to pursue.
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We all want to be mothers
A lot of people make the mistake in thinking that all sweet people want to be mothers. I don’t want to be one. Sure, I’m nurturing. I care for people. I’m well-organized. I’m compassionate. But, I also only have so much of any of these qualities, and I know that I, personally, don’t want to be a mother. It would burn me out on all of those qualities.
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We even want to mother our friends
I certainly don’t want to mother my friends. I don’t want to pick up after them. I don’t want to clean their literal or figurative messes. Or hold their hands through tasks that, as adults, they should handle on their own. I won’t do that for friends or for romantic partners. I need the people in my life to behave as adults, even if I seem like I’d be great with kids.
