How Some Mothers Enable Their Problematic Sons

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Have you ever looked at a deeply problematic male and wondered how he got so far gone? While, at some point, adults have to take responsibility for their actions, we’d be remiss if we didn’t acknowledge the role that some parents play in the molding and enabling of these individuals. Dads are a conversation for another day, so we’ll start here with ten ways mothers enable their problematic sons.

Lying for him

An enabling mom never hesitates to lie for her son if she thinks it will keep him out of trouble in some way. In her mind, she’s simply protecting him, which is what a good mother does. In actuality, she’s hindering his growth by stopping him from taking accountability for his actions.

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Making excuses for him

Enabling moms have endless excuses for why their sons are failing to meet reasonable expectations and they distribute them freely. In childhood, you can usually catch this mom at parent-teacher conferences blaming the teacher for her child’s misbehavior. In adulthood, you may find her blaming her daughter-in-law when things go awry. No matter what, you’d better believe that everything is always someone else’s fault.

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Defending his poor behavior

When they’re not busy making excuses for their son’s poor behavior, they’re defending the shenanigans. You may very well overhear this mom trying to rationalize her son’s poor treatment of women, disrespect of relatives, failure to take care of his children, and other deeply problematic actions.

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Making decisions for him

It’s tough to act as a fully functioning adult when your parents are still making all of your decisions for you. Enabling moms sometimes seek to control the lives of their children, especially their sons, as a way of keeping them close and keeping them totally dependent on her.

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Acting as his personal ATM

Another way that some moms enable their sons is by acting as a 24-hour ATM. While there’s nothing wrong with parents providing their kids with financial assistance, there comes a point when the constant handing over of money begins to cripple a person. It can be difficult to function as a fully independent adult when you’ve become financially dependent on a parent.

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Encouraging the woman in his life to accept his poor behavior

Enabling moms are not above inserting themselves into the relationships of their sons. If she’s not busy trying to remind her son’s significant other that she’s the number one woman in his life, she’s trying to convince her that she should accept his trash behavior because “you know how men are.”

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Tolerating disrespect

Moms who accept disrespect from their sons set a precedent. They teach their sons that it is acceptable to disrespect women and the cycle continues. They go out into the world refusing to respect boundaries because they’ve been taught by one of the most important women in their lives that they don’t have to.

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Never saying “no” or establishing boundaries

Of course, finances are not the only area in which a parent can cripple their child. Failure to say “no” and establish boundaries in other areas also serve to enable dysfunction in adult children. When parents are unable to tell their children “no,” they go out into the world unable to deal with the realities of life.

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Doing things for him that adults should do themselves

There’s nothing wrong with a mom who loves on her son; however, enabling moms are infamous for coddling their sons in ways that lead to co-dependency. Further, they enter relationships expecting the same treatment from their partners because they’ve been taught that certain things are a “woman’s job.” Regular cooking, cleaning, laundry, and scheduling doctor’s appointments are all tasks that fully grown adults should be capable of doing for themselves.

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Falling for guilt trips

Enabling moms are easily manipulated by their sons. They fall victim to guilt trips and will often accept blame for things that are not their fault. They allow their children to blame their poor choices on unrelated incidents from childhood and frequently give in to adult tantrums.