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I never thought that a pandemic could somehow become politicized, and be so polarizing. But it has been. If you think about policies and laws, they can change peoples’ lives forever. They can cause poverty. They can even, in the long run, lead to more deaths. They can impact people in a way that’s traumatizing. Sounds quite a bit like a pandemic, right? The suffering caused by COVID-19 has been severe. And those who have suffered have very strong feelings about how the world at large interacts with the pandemic. Even those who haven’t suffered, but are deeply compassionate, also have strong feelings about how others handle this virus and its aftermath. Last year, around this time, all of the posts were about the impending election. One post could prompt 80 comments that contained 13 mini arguments. Blocking, unfriending, and unfollowing happened. Declarations of, “If you think this, go ahead and unfriend me” were made. Now, it all feels eerily similar, but it’s about the pandemic. COVID-19 is leading to friend breakups. Even I feel nervous sometimes admitting some of my pandemic behaviors to friends, as I fear they’ll condemn me, or judge me. I mentioned going to a bar (with a mask on, and sitting outdoors, distanced) to a friend, and she gave me a tongue lashing. This pandemic is causing social rifts, big time, and it feels political.
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The unemployed vs the working-from-home
If you work from home right now, you can’t dare complain about what that’s like to somebody who isn’t working at all. You can be called insensitive, tone-deaf, ignorant, selfish – you get the idea. There is a lot of comparing of suffering going on. A lot of, “How can you complain about that when others have it so much worse than you?” There is a competition to be the biggest victim.
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Appearing for an outdoor hang without a mask
I have a friend who was invited to a social distance hang in her friend’s backyard. She was told everyone would have their own tables, which would be very far apart. So she entered the yard, without a mask on, thinking it was fine. Her friends, who were wearing masks, demanded she leave. She’d driven 45 minutes to be there, and didn’t appreciate that. They didn’t appreciate her not wearing a mask. They still aren’t speaking.
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If you lost someone, it’s personal
If you have lost someone to COVID-19, the poor decisions of others feel personal. Very tragically, a friend of mine lost someone to the illness. And now, when she speaks of people she knows personally not wearing masks or not social distancing, she says, “How can they do that? When they know I lost someone to this?” The actions of others seem personal to her now.
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If you’re immunocompromised, it’s personal
If you’re immunocompromised, the careless actions of others seem personal now, too. I have a handful of friends with preexisting conditions, who post regularly on social media about people they are no longer friends with, because they didn’t wear a mask. “As someone who is immunocompromised, I cannot be friends with anyone who would be so insensitive” one friend wrote.
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The ones who go out vs those who stay in
There are these two groups who feel very differently about the country reopening: those who are going out, risking exposure, and those who are still staying in. Like I said, one of my friends got very angry with me because I went to a bar recently. Even though I wore a mask, sat outdoors, and didn’t go near anyone. She lectured me about being responsible. Now I don’t feel like talking to her.
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If you’ve been out, you’re a risk
The ones who are staying in may still be friends with those who are going out, but they don’t want to hang out. I know some individuals who are willing to have friends over in their backyard, but before doing so, they want to know everywhere those friends have been. If they have been going to bars and restaurants, they cannot come over until they have not done so for at least two weeks.
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Being accused of withholding information
I had this awkward experience. I was at a friend’s back yard for a social distancing hang. One other couple was there. The couple casually mentioned having been to an outdoor bar recently. And then the couple hosting the hang went very silent. They said, “You didn’t mention you were going to bars. You should have told us you were doing that kind of thing before coming over and putting us at risk…”
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Unfriending the over-posters
I get it. It can be exhausting having your feed fill up with the long rants and the yelling posts that are in all caps. Some people just post too much, and too angrily, every day about the pandemic. You want your news from, well, the news, rather than your cousin’s best friend. So you unfollow.
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Giving to the “wrong” charity
I’m always surprised when this happens, but it happens often. Someone donates to a charity. They believe they’re doing a good thing. They post a screenshot of their donation. Then someone yells at them because, apparently, that charity secretly supports this or that evil initiative.
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You can get in trouble for going back to work
There are some individuals who believe that only essential workers should go back to work, and anybody who isn’t required to work shouldn’t work. So, for example, one of my friends is a personal trainer and has started offering group sessions (socially distanced) in a park. Several people stopped being her friend, believing it was irresponsible of her to go back to work.
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What about COVID weddings?
These can cause huge friendship rifts. If you’re the invited guest and you don’t go because of COVID, those having the wedding may unfriend you, feeling that you don’t think their union is important. Or those who are invited might unfriend the ones having the wedding, thinking it’s inconsiderate of them to have a wedding during this time.
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You infected me
If someone gets sick, they try to trace where they may have gotten it from. That can be easy to do at a time when we aren’t going many places or seeing many people. My friend’s aunt feels certain that she got COVID-19 from one particular friend, and is now not speaking to her.
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Getting offended over rejected gifts
Some people are not comfortable eating food that anyone other than themselves makes right now. Recently one of my relatives made a lot of food for friends who currently can’t work, and have tons of mouths to feed. But the family wouldn’t take the food, as it could have been “infected.” And my relative who made the food was so offended, that now they aren’t speaking.
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Judging the “necessity” of outings
Everybody is judge and jury now. I’ll get into these little arguments with friends in which they criticize me for going to a dog park or going inside to pick up takeout rather than waiting for the curbside drop-off. I feel like I need a hall pass to do anything around some of my friends. Then I’ll learn that they gossiped to our other friends about my “irresponsible behavior.” So COVID-19 is inspiring sh*t talking too apparently.
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Judging others for “not being involved”
“If you aren’t volunteering you’re a monster!” “If you aren’t donating, you’re part of the problem!” “If you aren’t vocal online about people wearing masks, don’t post about anything else!” There’s a lot of virtue-signaling going on out there, via yelling at others for not being involved enough.
