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We tied the knot recently. We took the opportunity, during a time when nobody is really having big, formal weddings due to the COVID-19 pandemic, to elope. We’d always wanted to. About twice a year, for the last three years, we’d bring it up. We’d say, “Should we just go elope?” I wouldn’t before, simply because I was afraid of all of the backlash from my family. Particularly my mom. I know how big she is on tradition and appearances and formality. I thought she’d be furious if we eloped – in Las Vegas, at a drive-thru chapel, nonetheless. But then, about two months ago, we were sitting around, watching reality TV, thinking how lucky we were that our relationship was so affectionate and peaceful, unlike the toxic couples we were watching on “Love Island,” and my husband (boyfriend, then) said, “Should we elope in Vegas?” and I realized nobody could be mad. It’s not like anyone could attend a big, formal wedding any time soon. This was our chance! So we eloped. We decided to get married approximately five weeks before actually getting married. For some, that seems fast. But we’d been ready for a very, very long time. Some people ask how you know you’re ready. It’s an important thing to ask. Here is how I knew I was 110% ready to marry my husband.
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I would’ve done it three years ago
By the time I married my husband, I had been ready to marry him for several years. And I think that’s how it should be. I think the best thing for any couple to do is reach a point when they feel ready to get married. And then wait a couple more years to see if they still feel that way. If so, then go for it. That’s what we did. We felt ready for a long time before actually doing it. Here’s the thing: there is no such thing as getting married too late but there is definitely such a thing as getting married too soon.
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I wouldn’t change a thing about our relationship
I really wouldn’t change anything about our relationship. It’s scary how many people get engaged with the mentality, “There are some things I’d like to change by the time we get married. So hopefully those things are fixed by our wedding date.” Uh…no. The day we agreed to get married, we were already completely content with the relationship, as it was.
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I felt complete calmness leading up to it
I never felt the jitters. Don’t fall for the idea that cold feet is normal. I never hesitated for a moment about marrying my husband. We had already been together for so long, and were so accustomed to and happy about the idea of being together forever, that agreeing to get married didn’t…change anything. So there was no big change to be nervous about. It was just paperwork. I felt completely calm every minute leading up to our ceremony.
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I told everyone, immediately
The second we agreed to do it, I told everybody. Maybe this seems unremarkable, but a lot of people get engaged and then…don’t tell people. They come up with reasons not to. That’s often a sign that they don’t really want to do this thing. Once you tell people, it becomes real. But I was so ready for it to be real, that I told everybody, as soon as I could! I didn’t need to leave myself the option to take it back. I knew I didn’t want to take it back.
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We jumped on the planning
We took initiative and were very proactive with the planning of everything. We sat down and made a plan, assigning each other tasks and due dates for things like filling out the marriage license application, booking the chapel, booking the hotel, calling places to get the ring sized, and drawing up a pre-nup. We didn’t drag our feet. We had a goal to get married and we were on top of it when it came to taking the steps we needed to do that. Some people get engaged and drag their feet on this stuff. You wonder why…
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No hurdle set us back
We wouldn’t let anything set us back. We had to call many chapels before we could find one that was open. We had to wait on hold for a half-hour with what turned out to be the wrong branch of the county clerk’s office to get info for our marriage license. None of it bothered us. We trudged on. We were determined. We didn’t let any of these hurtles be an excuse to push things back.
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He already felt like family
My partner already felt like family by the time we got married. He was already the person to whom I went for comfort during difficult times. He was already my best friend who I did anything and everything I could to get more time with. He was already my safe place. He already knew everything about me, including the ugly stuff. There were no surprises left, and we were both totally still in love.
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I have no curiosity about anyone else
I do not care to know what it’s like to be with anybody else. There isn’t a fiber in my being that daydreams about what it would be like to be with somebody else. This is it for me. I was already with other people, and all along, I was dreaming about finding a love like this one.
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We’ve been together through poverty
We’ve already been together through a lot of the stuff you mention in vows. Like being broke. We’ve been so broke together before. We’ve had the time of our lives vacationing in a motel we found on Groupon, making our own drinks and sandwiches in the room, and walking an hour to a bar because we couldn’t afford a cab. We’ve lived in a tiny, crappy apartment together, and were happy there.
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We’ve been together through sickness
We’ve been through sickness, too. I had terrible depression for nearly half a year. We didn’t know if we’d make it, to be honest. I wasn’t myself. But my partner trusted I would come back – he knew I was still in there. He stuck with me through it. He helped me out of it. And we lived to have fun again and be happy again.
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We don’t have as much sex, and I’m still down
We have sex once a week if we’re lucky. We’re funny about it. He’ll ask if/when he should masturbate, in case I wanted to have sex instead. We’ll schedule spicy meals for nights we won’t be having sex. Yeah, it’s like that. And you know what? I still think my husband is the sexiest man alive and when we have sex, I have the time of my life.
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We laugh all of the time
I would describe most of our moments together as in-tears-from-laughter. That’s the greatest gift of all. Is there any better feeling than laughing your ass off? It’s one of the best things in life, and I get it the most with my husband.
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I’m proud of how he is with others
I am extremely proud to tell people he’s my husband. I love his values. I love the way he treats others. I really am just so proud when I tell people, who know who he is, that he’s my husband. I see the look in their eyes. The respect. I’m proud to be associated with him.
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We quarantined together, and wanted more
We quarantined together, and then, we wanted to get married. And I mean a real quarantine. We were in a cabin, in a mountain, where we saw maybe two other people a week, for a few minutes, if we were lucky. We had only each other for three months, and after that…we wanted more of each other.
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I never wanted to marry anybody else
The way I felt when I knew I wanted to marry him was not a way I’d ever felt about anybody else. With other partners, I’d say I didn’t know if I wanted to marry them. I wasn’t saying I didn’t, but I also wouldn’t say that I did. I never knew I wanted to marry anyone else. He was truly the only person about whom I knew it.
