Why A Relationship Can’t Go Back To “Normal” After Infidelity
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In the wake of an incident of infidelity, a question that is frequently asked by couples looking to weather the storm is “Will things ever go back to normal?” The answer to this question largely depends on what each couple defines as normal. However, the quick answer is that things will never look exactly like they once did. Here’s why:
The trust is shattered
Once the trust is broken in a relationship, it’s virtually impossible for things to continue as they were. Even when people try to pretend as though things are all good on the exterior, there’s likely emotional turmoil beneath the surface. In order for things to move forward in a healthy way, the trust will need to be rebuilt. And even then, things will never be exactly as they once were. But perhaps that’s a good thing.
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It can happen again
Anytime something traumatic takes place, there’s always a fear of a repeat episode. Similarly, when a partner shows that they’re capable of infidelity, somewhere in the back of your mind, you’ll always know that it can happen again. For some, the reminders will be loud and frequent. For others, they may be subtle and occasional. Either way, you’ll always know what your partner is capable of.
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You’re forced to acknowledge relationship imperfections
Cheating forces all parties to stop and acknowledge the relationship for what it actually is and all of its imperfections. Prior to the infidelity, you may have been able to sweep things under the rug and pretend as though certain issues didn’t exist. Now, you have no choice but to take a thorough inventory of your partner’s shortcomings as well as your own if you truly want the relationship to work.
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You have to work through underlying issues
Of course, acknowledging what’s wrong in your relationship is only half of the battle. When you choose to stay in a relationship after infidelity, you’re committing to working through the underlying issues that you may have previously ignored. This can be a long and uncomfortable process, but failure to do so will only result in more problems down the road.
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You have to move forward in complete honesty
If the trust is ever going to be rebuilt, both parties have to commit to being caringly honest with one another. This can be difficult because, in many instances, the truth can be painful. Any further breaches of trust will likely result in the demise of the relationship, so it’s still a good idea to be straight up about things.
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Your heart has been broken
Things can never go back to “normal” because your heart has never been broken by this person before. While it’s possible to heal from this betrayal, the relationship will always be different in some ways. Sometimes this can be for the better. Other times, it can be for the worse.
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You left or thought seriously about leaving
Even though you’ve decided to stay, there was likely a point when you strongly considered leaving. You may have even followed through with it. For this reason, the relationship will always look or feel a little different. Perhaps the experience caused you or your partner to realize that you never want to be without each other or maybe the experience showed you just how strong you can be. Either way, our relationship will be different because of it.
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You’ve realized that you have something worth fighting for
Rebuilding after infidelity is hard work. The fact that you’ve decided to remain in the relationship may be because you realize that there’s something worth fighting for, which may be something you didn’t previously realize.
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At this point, it’s sink or swim
The relationship can’t go back to “normal” because circumstances have pushed you to the point of no return. There is no going back to what was. You’re either going to put in the work to make the relationship better than what it was or you’re going to watch it gradually decline.
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Your relationship may be stronger
While no one should have to endure cheating or any form of mistreatment in order to have a strong relationship, some couples do manage to emerge on the other side of a betrayal stronger than they were before the cheating occurred. Most of the time, these couples were committed to doing the work of rebuilding their partnership and the reward was a more solid relationship.
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