10 Times Staying Together For The Kids Is A Terrible Idea

Sad African American girl embracing her mother at home.

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It’s no secret that divorce can have a negative effect on the mental and emotional wellness of children. For this reason, many will use this as a motivator to remain in turbulent marriages in attempts to keep their families together and shield their children from the harsh realities of divorce. While this can work for couples who are committed to working on their marriage and being better for their children, there are some instances in which staying together does more harm than good. Here are 10 times staying together for the kids is a terrible idea.

Your kids can sense your unhappiness

As hard as we may try to shield them, children can often sense when something isn’t right and when your kids can sense that you’re chronically unhappy in your marriage, staying together can send the wrong message. In seeing you remain in an unhealthy relationship, your children may follow similar patterns in the future, thus perpetuating the cycle.

I don't want to listen my parents arguing!

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You fight in front of the kids often

Witnessing frequent arguing and namecalling among their parents can trigger insecurity and anxiety in children. Further, studies have shown that children raised in high-conflict households are more likely to develop physical health problems, emotional challenges, and social issues.

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You’re miserable

It’s impossible to reach your full potential as a parent when you’re in a constant state of misery. At some point or another, your unhappiness will begin to spill over into your parenting and affect the ways in which you interact with our kids. It’s hard to devote the necessary energy to parenting when chronically unhappy.

Maybe this relationship just isn't meant to be

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You and your spouse can’t be civil

While some estranged couples are able to cohabitate peacefully under the same roof while co-parenting their kids, this is not the case for everyone. Any time partners are unable to be in one another’s presence without getting nasty, it’s a good idea for all parties involved to separate and parent from different households.

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Your children have begun to mimic your negative interactions

Children are sponges and they mimic what they see. If you’re noticing that your kids are beginning to imitate some of the negative ways that you or your spouse have been interacting with one another — whether it’s with their siblings or with peers at school — it’s wise to either seek professional help to fix what’s broken or call it quits.

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You’re in a constant state of rage

It’s difficult to function properly when you’re always angry. Further, anger can result in both long and short term health problems such as high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, insomnia, digestive disorders, anxiety, and depression. Sticking around for the kids won’t mean much if you’re mentally or physically ill as a result of staying in an unhealthy relationship.

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There is abuse

Any time there is any form of abuse in the household — whether it be physical, verbal, mental, emotional, or financial — staying for the kids will always do more harm than good. Children who witness domestic violence are at greater risk of becoming violent in their future relationships. Further, they are at greater risk of experiencing mental and emotional issues.

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You know things will only get worse

Oftentimes when we remain in situations longer than we were intended to, things grow increasingly uncomfortable until we have no choice but to leave. If you know that things between you and your spouse have no chance of improving and will only worsen with time, do yourself and your kids a favor and get out.

Elementary, African American girl with mom on first day of school.

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Your rocky marriage has created an unstable environment for the kids

When things are bad, everyone suffers — especially the children. You may notice that the toxicity of your marriage has begun to affect your children’s performance in school, behavior, and overall mental and emotional wellness. This a a sure sign that stay for the children is not the best move.

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The marriage is interfering with your ability to be a good mom

If you’re so drained from the fighting and bickering that you are not able to be your best self and a good parent to your kids, this is all of the motivation you need to map out your exit strategy and leave when the time is right. Due to financial, housing, and other factors, your exit may not be immediate but it’s at least time to start devising a plan.