Source: LumiNola / Getty
Well into my thirties now, I’ve attended many, many weddings. There were a few summers in a row when I couldn’t save money if my life depended on it because I kept having to buy plane tickets and book hotel rooms and purchase gifts for weddings. Every time I thought I was in the clear, another little Save the Date would arrive in the mail. I loved and hated these envelopes because they meant two things: I got to attend a super fun party but it was going to cost me. I used to joke, when I received a wedding invitation, that I’d received “A bill in the mail.” I’ve also been a bridesmaid in a couple of weddings now, too, so I’ve seen what goes on behind the curtains and been a part of the drama, the ins and outs, and the particularities of it all. I’ve noticed some massive changes occur in the weddings I attended/participated in for my friends when we were all in our twenties, versus now when we’re in our thirties. Also, planning my own wedding right now (surprise!) I can see how my thinking about weddings is very different than it was a decade ago. Here is what it’s like having a wedding in your twenties versus your thirties.
via GIPHY
20s: Huge guest list of acquaintances
In your twenties, you feel like you have more friends than you know what to do with. There are so many people you just love and couldn’t imagine not having at your big day. Honestly, you’re just still figuring out what you look for in a friendship, and haven’t yet weeded out some of the many, many people you’ll eventually weed out of your social network.
via GIPHY
30s: Small guest list
By your thirties, you want a small guest list. You’ve honed in on who your core people are. You can pretty much tell who will be in your life forever, those are the only people you want at the wedding, and that list is small. Just because you have fun with somebody or somebody makes you laugh a lot is not good enough reason to invite them now. You need much more to a friendship at this age.
via GIPHY
20s: Gorgeous venue
In your twenties, you’re just cruising through and checking out all of the obvious spots. The most beautiful hotels in town. The botanical gardens. The historic sites. The hilltop wineries. You want a wedding venue that will take people’s breathe away. You’re looking at the spots that will cost quite a bit because weddings is what they do.
via GIPHY
30s: Personal venue
By your thirties, you just want an affordable place where people can gather. And you’d much rather have the wedding at a place that means something to you, like a godparents’ backyard of the patio of a best friend’s restaurant, than some generic spot that hosts two weddings a day, 365 days a year, shuffling caterers and temporary dance floors in and out.
via GIPHY
20s: Obsession around perfection
In your twenties, you may be very particular about the big day. You can get a lot of anxiety if one detail won’t be perfect. You want everything to be so gorgeous it could be in a catalogue. This day – this 24-hour period – seems to hold a lot of importance to you.
via GIPHY
30s: It’s just a day
By the time your thirties come around, you have some perspective. You aren’t getting married so you can have a wedding. You’re getting married so you can have a marriage, and what matters most is your dynamic, every day of your life, with your partner. The party is cool and fun and all. But it’s not the whole point, so it doesn’t have to be perfect.
via GIPHY
20s: Relatives steamroll you
You may let relatives intrude in the wedding planning too much in your twenties. You can feel lost, as you’re new to the whole wedding planning game, so you feel like you should listen to others. And you still feel like a kid, so standing up to your parents feels weird.
via GIPHY
30s: You set boundaries
Something happens between the twenties and thirties for most people: they set boundaries with their parents. They come into their own and they understand that sometimes they know what’s best for them, more than their parents do. They have confidence in that. And they are okay with telling their parents to butt out of the wedding planning a bit.
via GIPHY
20s: You use your imagination
In your 20s, when it comes to getting ideas for your wedding, you draw from your…imagination. What have you seen in movies? What have you see in catalogues? What did this or that celebrity do? Your imagination runs wild. The sky is the limit.
via GIPHY
30s: You use your experience
By your thirties, you’ve attended quite a few weddings with the perspective of being an adult, and you know what works and what doesn’t. You’ve learned that some ideas are nice in theory but a nightmare in practice. You’ve been there to personally witness certain elements of weddings fall apart and cause major issues. You’re more realistic about what you want.
via GIPHY
20s: Most friends don’t have kids or spouses
In your twenties, most of your kids don’t yet have kids. Or even spouses. A lot of them will show up with dates that they’ll eventually break up with. Later in life, you may look at photos from your wedding in your twenties and realize that most of the dates your friends brought are out of the picture.
via GIPHY
30s: People have families
By your thirties, many of your friends will come with their spouses. You’ll have known their significant others for quite some time, which is nice. They may, however, also have kids. So that means you may want to have a “no kids” rule at your wedding to prevent it being overrun by screaming toddlers. And some of your friends may not like this rule.
via GIPHY
20s: Little consideration of spending
In your twenties, you don’t really understand the value of a dollar. You’re somehow totally broke but also spend-happy with your parents’ money, all at once. You think parents are just rolling in it. You don’t know how much something like a cake or flower arrangement should cost. You make selections, with no budget in mind.
via GIPHY
30s: You know the value of money
By your thirties, you’ve learned about money the hard way. You know the value of a dollar. You know just how many days you’d have to work just to pay off that dance floor rental. So even if your parents are helping you with wedding expenses, you are more precious about how you spend their money.
via GIPHY
20s: You may marry the wrong person
In your twenties, you may very well – I hate to say it – marry the wrong person. Our brains and personalities continue to evolve until we’re about 25, so if you marry someone at, say, age 23, you may wake up two years later and realize you’re a new person and no longer like your spouse.
via GIPHY
30s: You know yourself better
You may still marry the wrong person in your thirties. It can happen to anyone. With age doesn’t always come wisdom. But, you may look back at your twenties and let out a huge sigh of relief about all the guys you didn’t marry, who you seriously considered marrying at the time.
