Kink And COVID: A Pandemic’s Effects On Sexual Subcultures

1 of 15

❯

❮

health issues sex

Source: Ben Welsh / Getty

The fact that we must keep six feet of distance from each other and cannot congregate in large groups has impacted our lives far more than any of us could have anticipated. It’s wiped out some industries entirely. It’s causing depression in many. We really didn’t realize just how much humans must physically be near each other in order for civilization to survive. Think about it: doctors must literally touch patients often to diagnose and treat them, and right now, doing so could be a health risk for the doctor. How the hell are we supposed to get around that? Well, hazmat suits apparently. But when you’ve brought in a hazmat suit, you know we’ve lost control of the situation. I’ve read some funny stories about cheaters suffering during this time because they can’t go be with their side pieces – though some are still talking to them – and it got me thinking about how some of our other dirty, guilty subcultures and habits can be affected. Think about the entire world of kink. A lot of it relies on anonymous interactions, sex with strangers, unclean and public places, and groups. So they’re screwed. Here are funny ways COVID-19 may affect BDSM, swinging, and other sexual subcultures.

Swingers’ parties become a risk

Swingers’ parties are just ripe for virus exchange. Before, the concern was around STDs, of course, but now you have to make sure that everyone at the party doesn’t have coronavirus?! Well, that’s pretty hard to monitor. If just one couple arrives who is sick, they could quickly infect many others, who bring that virus home to their families. So these parties may be canceled for a while.

SEE ALSO

Swingers may have to “couple up”

Maybe swingers will just have to “couple up” and become “monogamous” with another couple. That could be the one safe and limited way they can have some extramarital fun. They have to choose another couple, and agree that will be the only couple they swing with so long as the virus is at large. Which is the weirdest form of monogamy ever.

SEE ALSO

Orgies are a no-go

I mean, how will anybody have orgies right now? It really just can’t be done. You can’t have a pile of people all kissing each other, conceivably spreading the virus from one person to ten in a matter of an hour. An orgy, at this point in history, is more like a COVID-19 exchange party.

SEE ALSO

Unless…orgies w/ masks?

Unless of course people want to start having orgies with masks on. So…no kissing or mouth play of any kind. Hm. That’s a horrifying image. Just a bunch of naked people with masks having non-intimate intercourse.

SEE ALSO

Ball gags must be well sanitized

Those who use toys like ball gags, or nylons to stuff in someone’s mouth, or any BDSM toys that wind up in the mouth of various partners need to sanitize these very well. Or they may need to switch to disposable toys, using new ones for each partner, just to be safe. I just don’t see how bringing out the Lysol wipes before rough play sets the mood.

SEE ALSO

Try saying a safe word through a mask

Keeping in mind that you have people hiring others for torture and humiliation play, safe words are a huge part of the kink world. It’s important to set those boundaries so someone doesn’t take things too far and hurt somebody. But it can be kind of hard to understand what somebody is saying through a mask.

SEE ALSO

Or barking orders as a dominatrix

It can also be hard for a dominatrix to bark clear orders at her subject through a mask. Somebody’s going to get in a lot of trouble if he doesn’t understand or obey his dominatrix’s orders. Well, I guess getting in trouble is exactly what he wanted.

SEE ALSO

COVID-19 tests on hookup profiles

There are dozens of sites for random hookups with total strangers now. People meet in glory holes, public places, hotel rooms, and other anonymous locations to get it on. But now, I’m wondering if, in addition to providing STD test results, people will need to display their COVID-19 test results on their profiles.

SEE ALSO

Sanitize those sex dungeons

Those with full-blown sex dungeons, complete with all the toys and gadgets, who regularly have a rotating roster of guests visit will need to really sanitize those frequently. Honestly, they may need to hire professional COVID-19 cleaning crews to come through, which will be an interesting day for that cleaning crew.

SEE ALSO

Open relationships must close

What about those in open relationships? While they may not be too concerned with protecting the hearts and feelings of their partners, they should at the very least care about protecting their health. This isn’t really a time you can bed hop all willy nilly, and then return to your spousal bed. That’s a recipe for rapid COVID-19 transmission.

SEE ALSO

Then open relationships may fail

So open relationships may need to become closed relationships for a while. Hopefully these couples’ care for their partners’ wellbeing is greater than their disdain of monogamy. Of course, many open couples only survive because they can be with others, and having to be monogamous could quickly mean the end of their relationships.

SEE ALSO

Foot fetishes are safe

Well, well, well, those with foot fetishes are finally having their day. For some reason, this group has been teased and marginalized for a long time. People are into way grosser stuff than feet, but still, we can be cruel to this group. And finally, they’re some of the safest ones out there. Nobody’s really worried about catching COVID-19 by viewing or even touching feet.

SEE ALSO

Objectum sexuality is kind of safe

Objectum sexuality is having sexual relationships with objects. For some who participate in this, they could be the safest group around, since an inanimate object can’t have COVID-19. Unless of course someone is sexually attracted to an item that a lot of people touch, like a handrail or elevator buttons.

SEE ALSO

Hand fetishes are high risk

Those with hand fetishes are suddenly a high-risk group. It used to be that they didn’t need to worry about catching anything. But we all know that with COVID-19 around, an unwashed hand is one of the most dangerous things of all. Can those with hand fetishes still get off if the hand has a glove on? They may have to.

SEE ALSO

Voyeurism is the safest

Voyeurs are in the best position. They can just watch others put themselves at risk, from a distance. Next time you catch someone trying to peer through your windows at you and your partner getting it on, at least know they’re practicing “safe sex” in the time of COVID-19.

SEE ALSO

Related Tags

COVID-19 safe sex sexual health

More from MadameNoire