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I recently saw a meme that said when men say, “Let’s cuddle,” it’s just their way of slowly transitioning into sex. Ugh. That made me sad. I like to think that my partner just genuinely likes to cuddle sometimes! And, well, my partner does, as we’ve been together so long that we don’t really have to do it like bunny rabbits the way we used to. Sometimes, he really just wants a comforting cuddle after a rough day, and then he puts no moves on me—he just goes to sleep. It would also be nice if the cuddle lasted longer, but I’ll take what I can get. I do believe that that sneaky turn-cuddles-into-sex thing may be true for a lot of men, though.
Do any women out there feel deprived of a lot of non-sexual physical touch that would feel really nice? And that our partners just don’t do enough for some reason? And, by the way fellas, receiving regular physical affection throughout the day makes us feel closer to you and makes us more likely to want to have sex, when the time is right. But I’ve always felt that a lot of guys just do some of the minimal, basic things throughout the day—a quick peck in the kitchen, one long hug mid-day—and then an attempt at sex later. But we have needs!
Every woman knows there are just those forms of touch that feel so nice—that activate all of those happy chemicals in our brains and make us feel so safe and loved. They can be better than sex! Men, here are non-sexual physical acts women wish you’d do more.
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A long kiss leading nowhere
Can’t we just get a deep, long, romantic, loving smooch out of the sexual context? As relationships go on longer, it seems like the good old fashioned make-out session dies. I either get quick pecks hello and goodbye—the kind a grandma might give!—or I get a good make-out during foreplay. Where have my good, long kisses leading nowhere gone?
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Scruff on the back of the neck
If your partner has scruff on his face or a beard, then you know how nice it feels when he just rubs it against the back of your neck. It makes all the tiny hairs on my body stand up in a good way. It gets those bonding hormones flowing. There’s nothing like it. I could have my partner rub his scruffy chin against the back of my neck for a half hour and not tire of it.
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A shoulder rub
What I wouldn’t give to just have my partner come around once a day and rub my shoulders while I work. And not in a way that’s meant to lead to sex. Just a nice, deep shoulder rub to get the tension out and make me feel relaxed and happy. Men, please do this more.
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Giving us a bath
Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. Having your dude draw you a bath, and not get in it with you, trying to be kinky, is so nice. Then having him sit on the side of the tub and sponge you down or massage your arms. Ahhh. It’s the best. Bust most times when dudes raw a bath, they’re trying to f*&k in that bath.
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Ear play
The ears don’t get enough attention, but there are a lot of nerve endings in there. You know this because sometimes massage therapists just rub and pull at your ears and it’s the best feeling in the world. I love when my partner plays with my ears with his fingers. Or when he kisses my ears or even puts his mouth over one.
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Letting us sit on your lap
Is it just me or do men have a low tolerance for having a woman on their lap? Whenever I sit on my partner’s lap, he starts squiring around within 45 seconds and complaining he can’t get comfortable. To be clear, I’m 5’7” 118 lbs. I’m light! And I feel close to my man when I sit on his lap and he puts his arms around me. Can’t we do that more? Like, for a whole hang session with friends?
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Tucking us in
Don’t forget about the classic tuck-in. Those don’t have to be over after childhood. It’s so comforting to have your partner tuck you in. Even if he isn’t yet ready to go to sleep, if you get in bed, and he sits on the side of it, just loving you, touching your face, and cuddling you a little while you doze off—it’s the best.
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Foot rubs
I understand that some men don’t like feet. On the other hand, some men specifically love feet. So those dudes have to be careful to not turn all foot play into sex stuff. But a foot rub feels so nice and it’s also very intimate. You really can’t do anything while a man rubs your feet so it’s total relaxation. And it’s intimate because it’s not like you let just anybody touch your feet.
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Holding us through a whole movie
Why can’t I be held throughout a whole movie? Like be the little spoon, both of us lying length-wise on the couch, and stay like that from beginning to end of a film? My partner always needs to adjust, wants to get up to pee, needs a snack, and so on. But being in that spooning position for 90 to 120 minutes could be so nice.
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A ton of cheek kisses
You know when a guy just plants a bunch of kisses all over your face? When you love him, it’s the best feeling in the world. Every kiss comes with this little explosion of happy chemicals! And if he has a little scruff, even better. Men, do this for your women more!
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Picking us up
I understand that this isn’t always plausible and is highly dependent on the strength and build of both individuals. But, gentlemen, if you are able to pick up your partner, pick her up sometimes. Pick her up and carry her to bed. Pick her up and give her a bear hug. We feel so loved by you when you pick us up.
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The standing cuddle
Whether we’re standing in line, waiting to get into a show. Or we’re standing around in a group of friends at a party. It’s so nice when your man comes up behind you, and just puts his arms around you. Just being cuddled while you’re standing is really nice. It makes the absence of a chair much less bad.
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Holding our hands while watching TV
It’s sweet when a guy holds your hand while you walk, or while dragging you through a crowd so he doesn’t lose track of you. But what about just holding both of our hands, while we’re watching a movie or relaxing? That’s very intimate because it isn’t about the functionality of keeping track of each other in a crowded space. It’s just about love.
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Helping us get dressed
If you see your partner struggling to get her skinny jeans off, have her sit down, stick her legs out, and you can pull them off for her. Or if you see her struggling to zip or button up a dress that closes in the back—do it for her. It’s this very intimate thing because you’re helping us while touching us.
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Playing with our hair
Ah. I love it when my dude plays with my hair. If he just runs his fingers through it while we’re watching TV, or twirls it between his fingers, or puts both his hands deep in it while kissing me. There are so many nerve endings on the head—it just feels really nice.
