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It’s hard to believe that anyone could have sex on the brain that much during a pandemic. As it stands, I have almost no sex drive during this situation. I’ve just got too much on my mind. I’m stressed. But, then again, sex is something many people use to deal with stress. And also, the term players will be players stands strong even through a national crisis. I’ve had a couple of friends joking, “I kinda feel bad for men with side pieces right now because they’re stuck at home with their live-in partner and can’t sneak off.” First off, nobody should be feeling bad for these fools. And second off, they’ll still find a way. They always find a way. They’ve already proven they have no ethics and can be plenty scrappy, by having a side piece in the first place. Those two qualities will see these imbeciles through the pandemic.
If you did suspect that your partner may have been dabbling in something outside of the relationship, it’s not safe to assume that’s over, just because you’re all locked inside. If there’s a history of infidelity or you sniffed something out before, know that these stressful times may have your partner looking for even more reasons to stray. And if he does, really, just kick him out of your peaceful quarantine sanctuary. He can go crash on a friend’s couch during this and enjoy that. Here are signs a man is talking to his sidepiece during quarantine.
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Now he never leaves his phone’s side
He’s extremely attached to his phone. He never leaves it on a kitchen table or couch or side table for even a second. If he realizes he’s almost done this, he rapidly backtracks, swoops it up, and puts it in his pocket. On the rare occasion he’s misplaced his phone, he became panicked, and aggravated, accusing you of putting it somewhere.
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He takes a lot of calls outside
He’s always taking phone calls outside. He claims he just wants some fresh air and he’s taking work calls out there, or calling his mom. But wow does the man take a lot of walks. The rhythm is weird, too. Sometimes he’ll come in from a long walk, his phone will ring, and he’ll turn around to go right back outside. Could be a sidepiece calling him right back after hanging up on him.
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His work somehow got busier?
He is always on his phone or laptop. He needs privacy in a room so he can “focus.” He says his work is busier than ever. That’s a bit odd…most industries have slowed down right now. And if you think about it, his industry has probably definitely slowed down due to COVID-19.
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He stays up later for no reason
He never comes to bed at the same time as you. He claims he has things to do. Like what? Nobody is doing anything. We are all under stay-at-home orders. There’s a good chance the night hours, when you’re asleep, are the best times for him to talk to his side piece.
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He’s added extra security to his devices
You’ve noticed that suddenly, if his laptop is left unattended for a minute, the screen locks and requires a password. And on his phone, new messages just come in as “new message” rather than the content of the message or the name of the sender. You don’t recall these security measures being in place before you two were stuck at home all day together.
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He’s precious about his laptop
He’s become very protective of his laptop. Sometimes you want to look something up like the weather or a movie, and it’s more convenient for you to check his computer, which is right there, than yours, which is upstairs. But if you reach for his laptop, he rushes over and slams the screen shut, almost whacking your hand with it.
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He won’t play house
Perhaps he’s pulling away on the coupley stuff. Being quarantined with a partner can and should bring you closer together, and you should be supporting one another through this. But he mostly wants to eat dinner alone, claiming he only has time for a frozen burrito. He doesn’t want to go for walks with you—he’s busy, he says—though he sure does seem to love his solo walks these days. He’s almost quarantining separately from you, but in the same home.
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He’s preoccupied but just “very worried”
You can tell he’s very preoccupied. He’s almost never listening. You have to repeat yourself three times and snap your fingers in his face to bring him back from whatever dreamland he’s in. When you ask him what’s the matter, he fumbles and says, “Uh, you know, just this pandemic. So stressful.” Mmhmmm.
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He doesn’t feel like having sex with you
He’s got no sex drive going in your direction. You’ve tried to initiate and he just says he isn’t in the mood. He claims that the pandemic has him too stressed to have sex. But, honestly, you’ve known him through many personally stressful times in his life and those never stopped him from wanting to get it on.
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But there are signs of self-pleasuring
Though he apparently has no desire to get one off with you, you’re finding signs that he has been, on his own. The tissues in the bathroom trash can. The lotion bottles that go empty so quickly. And that dumb, relaxed grin he gets on his face after he’s masturbated. Hmmm. Could it be all the sexting he’s been doing?
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A “crazy ex” was reaching out before this
Before quarantine started, there was a woman who reached out a couple of times. You confronted him about it. You found suggestive texts from her. He claimed it was a “crazy ex” trying to get back with him, but that he had no interest in her. Yet, some of the texts you saw seemed more like responses to previous messages, and not texts she initiated all on her own.
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He takes some calls in the bathroom
You’ve caught wind of the fact that he goes in the bathroom, turns on the shower, and then…talks on the phone. Oh, and he locks the bathroom door during these times of course. There was a time when he’d always leave the bathroom door open, in case you wanted to join him in the shower. But not so anymore.
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His moods are up and down
His moods are all over the place. It makes no sense to you. It’s like he’s reacting to something in his head, because you two certainly haven’t been having interactions that would cause such mood swings. Well, perhaps somebody else is causing those mood swings.
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He tries to keep you busy
He seems to want to keep you busy. He’ll purchase an online class for you so you can learn a second language or knitting or something like that. And the class will keep you busy for two hours every weeknight. Uh, you guess that’s thoughtful? But why is he so concerned with how you spend your time? Could he be trying to free up some time when you won’t be paying attention to him?
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He yells when you accuse him
When you have asked him if something was going on, his reaction went from zero to 100 in a second. He immediately started yelling at you, and suggesting that maybe you were the one cheating and you were just trying to deflect. He was just being loud and spiraled out of control, and not much of what he said made sense.
