Strange Mood Swings You May Have During Quarantine - Page 12
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I have never experienced so many mood swings in my life. Not one menstrual cycle has ever made me feel this unstable. My teenage years, with the hormones and the breakups and my parents’ divorce—those were nothing compared to the eight-loop roller coaster that is my emotions lately.
I think this pandemic has our emotions swinging around, as if through a jungle, trying to grasp at something stable and only just grabbing another vine that just continues to swing unpredictably. We don’t know how to react to the information we are receiving. We don’t have our usual sources of comfort that help keep us balanced, like friendship and ambition. Most of the things that humans need to feel emotionally stable have been taken from us. Socialization. Things to look forward to. The ability to make plans. Some hope that our efforts will lead to something great. A little spontaneity and excitement. So, we’re all going a bit nuts.
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A false start
Your subconscious mind hasn’t quite yet grasped that there’s only so much that can be done in a day right now. So you wake up with that get-up-and-go, let’s tackle the world, anything is possible mentality. Then you become so deflated when you realize that anything is not possible right now, and there are huge limitations on what you can accomplish or experience under these circumstances.
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Innovation then detonation
You may still have a lot of ambition in you. You feel certain that you can make good use of this time. You come up with several huge projects you want to tackle. You will do things that change your life when this quarantine is over. You attack these projects with what looks like mania. And then…your balloon pops. And you think about the fact that you have no idea idea whether or not your efforts will ever be for anything because you don’t know what world you’ll be returning to.
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Deep sadness caused by sympathy
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Extreme highs caused by gratitude
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Then gratitude leads to guilt
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Panic over the passing of time
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Anger that you didn’t enjoy the moment
Next you feel angry with yourself. You and only you decide whether or not these months are wasted. If you stop, be present, live in the moment, be productive, and focus on the little things, then nothing about this time is wasted. And now, of course, you’re upset with yourself for the time you wasted not appreciating the moment. Ugh.
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A happy sense of free falling
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Followed by full-blow panic
Then the other side of the free falling sets in. You’re panicked. What will catch you? What are you falling towards? Are you falling up or down? There are no more rules or pretense but is that a good thing? You suddenly realize we’re all moving into the unknown.
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Total irritation with your housemate
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Followed by gushing over your housemate
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An odd sense that it’s all fake
Where you sit–in your home–it’s quiet. It’s hard to believe there are hospitals filled with cries and foot traffic and screaming and tears. It’s hard to believe anything bad is happening anywhere. Then you have this eerie feeling: is it all fake? All along, has there been nothing wrong? If you went out, would you find it’s all a hoax?!
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Then terrible dread over the threat
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Depression that has you on the edge
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Then, you’re fine
Then, just like that, you’re back. Your emotions have stabilized. You’re happy. You have a grasp on things. You know you will get through this. You want to laugh. You want to chat with your housemate. You don’t even know who that depressed person was who was just here an hour ago.
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