How To Have A More Balanced Life

finding balance in life

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Doesn’t it sometimes feel like you blink your eyes and the day is over? You could have sworn you were just taking your morning shower and now you’re taking your makeup off for the night. Life can be very go-go-go like that. It’s the curse of being ambitious and leading a full life—one filled with friends, passion projects, a rewarding career, and family. In one way, I’m glad that I squeeze every last drop out of my day. No minute goes wasted. Every 20-minute increment of my life is scheduled! It’s very rare that I go to bed and feel like I could have done more that day. If anything, I often feel that I overdid it because there was just no time to take a deep breath. There was no time to exhale. I lived my day but did I pause to enjoy it? I accomplished a lot but did I appreciate the rewards?

Often, all I have time to do when I accomplish one thing is move onto the next thing. But what am I supposed to do? Be less ambitious? Have less of a social life? Do less stuff? If you are like me, then you probably fear that relaxation can quickly turn into laziness. You don’t want to lose momentum. So you never slow down. You never take a break. And, sure, once in a while I pause to appreciate all I’ve accomplished. But I also have a sense that I missed a lot of subtle, beautiful moments along the way. I remember one day when my boyfriend was driving us somewhere. I worked on my laptop with one hand while feeding myself a sandwich with the other and waiting on hold with Internet customer service on Bluetooth. Not a lot of balance going on there. It can get to be too much, so I had to find ways to feel a bit more balanced.

Make a nice meal, just because

Once or twice a week, I will take the time to make myself a beautiful, delectable, intentional meal. Not just whatever is in the pantry. Not just reheated leftovers or something frozen. Not whatever is fastest and easiest. I will take time to make a recipe I’m proud of. There’s something about a well-crafted meal that makes me feel like I’m honoring myself, and that forces me to slow down and appreciate each bite.

Get your home a quarterly deep clean

Not everyone can afford to hire a cleaning service on a regular basis. And, some have a lot of pride and feel weird hiring a cleaning team (though you really shouldn’t). If you fall into one of these categories, consider just hiring a team three or four times a year to do a deep clean of your home. You can do the surface-level stuff the rest of the time. But it’s amazing how having a home that is thoroughly clean can improve your mindset and feeling of peace.

Understand your social priorities

It is okay to admit that some friends are more important to you than others. If you can finally just admit that, then you can prioritize them better. Why are you seeing that one friend you only have a moderate connection with once a week, while you’re only seeing that close friend you get so much joy from just once every couple of months? Figure out which friends mean the most to you—which ones enrich your life the most—and treat them that way. Schedule them that way.

Have one selfish day a month

Have one day a month when you refuse to make one plan. You won’t take one appointment. You won’t even agree to be home at a certain time so a friend can pick up the sweater she left there. Have one no scheduling day when you will not promise a single person that you will be in any given place at any given time. And then, do whatever you damn well feel like doing at any moment.

Don’t give into pressure

Recognize when the only reason you’re going to do something is to please someone else, but it doesn’t serve you and even does you a disservice. If your friend is pressuring you to accompany her to the birthday party of a guy she likes because she doesn’t want to go alone, but that’s your only night to relax that month, well, maybe she can just go stag. She’ll survive. If you don’t relax, you may not!

Understand life admin priorities

Get realistic about what needs to happen in what order. Why are you driving across town in traffic to pick up dry cleaning that will be there, safe and sound, tomorrow, when what you really need to be doing with this time is buying groceries? It’s your only window of time to do so for four days, and if you don’t, you’ll wind up ordering a lot of food and spending too much money.

Protect your sacred spaces

It’s okay to admit that there are some areas of your life and some humans in your life that you don’t want interacting. You don’t want this one family member in your home because she’ll criticize and disrespect it. You don’t want this one friend at your performance because she doesn’t seem to appreciate how much work you put into it. It almost feels like she’s trying to keep you down. That’s okay. Not everybody has to be a part of every area of your life.

Run errands with friends

Instead of over-packing your day because you’re trying to hit that wholesale club and take your dog to the groomer and then, only after that is done, see a friend, why not consolidate the two? Maybe your friend needs stuff from the wholesale club store, too. And when it’s a good friend, you’ll have fun no matter what you do—even running errands together.

Have everything friends

It may be time to become more mature about your friendships. If you have that one friend who is just a party friend, but you can’t talk about anything real with her, or that one friend who is just your work friend, but you only talk about career stuff, it’s time to reassess. Maybe each of your friends should be someone you feel you can discuss serious stuff with and have fun with. So you don’t have to run around like a maniac, trying to nourish every part of your personality.

Buy daily essentials in bulk

This is such a simple change that makes such a world of a difference. You know what those items are you use all of the time. Toilet paper. Paper lunch bags. Pet wipes for your dog. If you know this is something that you will be back to the store for in two weeks, just double up now. Save yourself that trip in two weeks. You’ll be grateful for the free time.

Exercise with friends

In addition to running errands with friends, you can also exercise with friends. Stop thinking that you have to socialize and do your personal tasks/wellness activities separately. Your friends will probably like if you suggest that you meet for a power walk because they, too, are busy and don’t really have time for the gym and brunch.

Drink less

Alcohol has a way of throwing everything off. The day after drinking, you feel tired and depressed, so you may cancel the plans you had (the ones that are good for you—like hiking with a friend). You may bail on your errands. You may spend too much on alcohol, too, so now you feel bad paying for something else that’s good for you, like a little spa day. Just cut back on the booze and you’ll quickly regain some balance.

Have a job you at least like

This is obviously easier said than done, and takes a while to figure out. But if you hate your job, don’t just accept that. Don’t say, “That’s how life is.” Make it your priority, every day, to make efforts to get into a job you like. When you like your job, you don’t do things like over-drink and over-spend on weekends to try to salvage some feelings of joy before the week begins.

Reassess impulse buys

Before making any purchase that isn’t essential, ask yourself what the cost-to-benefit ratio is. Will this item bring you very short-lived joy and then make you feel guilty for a while, or even rob you of money you needed for something more important? Practice impulse control when spending. Every dollar saved can add up to something that really impacts your life, like a down payment on a home one day!

Know your neighbors

We should know our neighbors more. It’s kind of a lost art. Women alone should especially get to know their neighbors. They can be tremendously helpful. If you need someone to walk your dog when you’re stuck at work, bring you soup when you’re sick, or just lend you a kitchen appliance, it’s so much easier when they’re in your building or on your block. And you’ll feel more connected to your community when you know your neighbors.

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