The Annoying Things About Dating When You’re A Therapist
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Dating as a therapist has been tiring. When out trying to have fun and get to know new people, I find myself more annoyed than enamored. Men that I have dated have counted themselves out rather quickly because that have put a hyperfocus on my job as a psychotherapist. When men are more intrigued with my profession than me as a woman it makes my millennial dating experience more of a disaster than it already is. Here are some of the dating woes of a psychotherapist.
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Men always feel like I am trying to psychoanalyze them
When I trying to engage in conversation to get to know them, they assume I am assessing them to see if they have some underlying mental illness. When in actuality I am just trying to see if I like them or not and if we have anything in common. In my dating experience, some of the men I have encountered have a hard time seeing past my job title and think I am in therapist mode at all times. When I am on a date, it is just that. It’s not a psychotherapy session so why would I be treating you like a client?
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They throw me into the mental health/social service issues of their family members
No I cannot help your cousin get social security benefits. No I am not going your aunt as my client. No I am not writing any letters. I have been seen as a resource by men and not a potential partner, which is disappointing. Are we dating or am I your case manager? Men I have dated have jumped to blend my romantic role and job role which has led to the demise of whatever could’ve been.
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They don’t feel comfortable telling me their problems or about their past
Some men have thought that once they tell me about their past or things that they are going through, I will immediately switch from potential girlfriend to therapist and try to counsel them. That’s not what happens at all. When I am outside of my office, it’s my responsibility to have boundaries and always remember that my role at my job is not my role in my relationship. I’m obviously a great listener because I do it for a living; however, I don’t counsel anyone unless I am in my office and that something that is hard for potential partners to understand.
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Sometimes, I listen too much
Speaking of being a great listener, sometimes I do just that. As a therapist, my feedback is tailored and thought about before it leaves my mouth. By the end of the day I am exhausted and don’t feel like talking at all. I just remain quiet and just allow people to vent, which is not what people want in my personal life. I’ve been told that that can interpreted as me not caring about what is being said to me. I too have to remind myself of what is expected of me as a partner and even friend at times.
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Having to hear all the myths about therapy and having to debunk them
While out on dates I have heard men spew countless myths about psychotherapy and they have all been met with a major eyeroll. When I hear black men (and black people) say things that stigmatize therapy I can’t help but try to dispell these myths. Honestly, hearing a date express their misinformed ideas and assumptions about psychotherapy is a major turnoff.
