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My boyfriend and I laugh all the time saying, “We’re old.” I think there’s something about being with the same person for a long time, and allowing yourself to just get really comfortable with yourself—your flaws, your shortcomings, your pet peeves, and your very particular behaviors—that ages you, internally. It’s not really a good or bad thing, it just is what it is. Think of some of the elderly people you love in your life. You would probably describe them as opinionated. Care-free. Maybe a little judgy. Getting older has a way of making you just care less about what people think of you, and what comes out of your mouth. Being in a long-term relationship does the same thing.
You can fall into your little rhythms and routines, and now that you’ve found somebody who loves you even when you act a little weird, those funny habits will come out in full force. When you find yourself in a good, long-term relationship, you suddenly get to bow out of all of the social engagements you were a part of when you were single. Even though you should still stay social, you get to stay in a bit more. So your social skills can get a little rough around the edges. Your partner certainly doesn’t care if you spend the whole day with a shower cap on and a bag of chips almost attached to your body. He doesn’t care if you’re a little catty when you talk about other people. And since you’re spending most of your time with him, you just get real comfortable with these habits.
I can’t help but love the old couple moments my partner and I have. It’s a peek into our future, and the future looks fun—hilarious and sometimes dysfunctional—but fun. Here are old couple moments, young committed couples experience.
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Talking parallel
You’ll just be driving along in the car, and your partner will be ranting about something. He’s talking about how rude it was that his friend ate three servings of food at the dinner party and brought no gift. You’re in your seat, talking about the architecture in the city. It sounds a bit like this “I mean, how much food does he need!?” “A lot of very Spanish-inspired houses,” “And he doesn’t need it. He’s put on weight.” “I could see us in like a desert- style home one day.” “I think about those things when I’m a dinner guest.”
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Who told whom what?
The other night I told my partner a very juicy piece of gossip I’d recently heard. Then he said, “I know…I told you that story.” And I said, “What? No. Jared told me!” Then he said, “No, Jared told me, and I told, you!” And honestly, we cannot remember where the story originated. We’re just circling the same stories back and forth.
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The pre/post-doctor talk
When we started dating, my partner’s doctor’s visits were his business. Now, seven years in, when he goes to the doctor, I send him with a list of symptoms I want him to mention. “What about your throat clearing you do all night? Mention that to him. And how you’ve been peeing more lately. Also remember when you got dizzy two weeks ago? Mention that.”
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Monitoring his diet
We are both very vocal about what the other eats now, because we will be the ones paying for it. We’ll be ordering pizza with friends and I’ll just yell out, “He can’t have double cheese or he’ll take over the bathroom the entire night!” We keep an eye on each other, to make sure the other doesn’t sneak behind our back and eat something that will cause a symptom we have to be present for, later.
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Telling him he’s being that way
Your partner can get in one of those moods. You know the mood. Maybe he’s just incredibly grumpy and has something negative to say about everything. Maybe he’s loopy, forgetting details you just told him, and being generally clumsy. You know when he’s being that way, he does, too, and you can just say, “You’re in one of those moods” and you just take space from him until it’s over.
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Mastering your ordering process
Your server would swear you’d rehearsed your ordering process because it is seamless, and very detailed. “Okay I want the walnut salad,” “Hold up is there cheese on that? Okay put that on the side, I’ll have his cheese. And I’ll have the fajitas but I need both corn and flour tortillas because my partner is gluten-free and he’ll want a fajita” “That’s true I will.”
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Analyzing younger couples
You become matchmakers and self-appointed relationship judges. You’ll sit around and talk about the new couples forming around you. You both feel very strongly that you know who will work out and who won’t. You know who is being too bossy, who is being walked all over, and who should really leave one person for a different person. You should really grab some cups of tea and microphones because you basically have a morning gossip show going.
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Packing your own pillows
When you travel together, people would swear you were moving into the hotel or AirBnb. You bring your own pillows. You bring your own sheets. You got that humidifier you bring along. You pack some blackout panels in case the curtains aren’t dark enough. You bring your blender so you can make drinks in the room. You essentially transform any space you travel to, into your own home.
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Back-patting for having sex
Conversations around sex are different. They go something like “We should probably do it. We haven’t done it in like a month.” “Nah, we did it three weeks ago!” “Alright well, we should aim for twice a month.” “Alright, we got time before the pizza arrives.” Then you do it, and say, “Good job us. We got sex out of the way for a couple of weeks now.”
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Making reports to the city
You become that couple who reports things to the city. You call the city to let them know somebody dumped a mattress outside your place. You call to ask them what that loud noise is down the street. You have a list of all the pertinent departments to call, and neither of you find anything funny about this.
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Getting excited about coupons
If your local movie theater has half-off movies on Tuesdays, you put it in your calendar. That’s a date. If friends ask you to do something else that night you say, “Oh, no, we go to discount movies that night.” You get very excited when your favorite falafel place starts having $2 falafel hour, and you rush over there to catch it every week.
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Living in your robes
You both have a nice collection of comfy clothes. You’ve compiled quite a few robes. You’re often found, on a Saturday night, sitting around in your respective fluffy robes and slippers. Sometimes you wear his robe. Sometimes he wears yours. You walk the dog and pick up food from the local taco truck in your robes.
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Being SO critical of friends
When any couple reaches out to hang out, you and your partner have a full-on panel about them. You go over the pros and cons of being with them. This couple is cheap. That couple seems like they might want to swing with you—it’s not clear. This couple is sweet, but you feel like they judge you guys a bit.
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Outrage over an event time
If we get an invitation for anything that starts after 8pm now, we just know we’re out. Instantly, we both say, “Who starts a dinner at that time? Who? I mean, it’s rude. They must have known when they sent this that we wouldn’t come. We’re not going.” And we have no qualms with texting that friend to say, “Sorry, we go to bed at 10pm.”
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Pointless bickering that ends abruptly
When we were a new couple, any little disagreement felt like such a big deal. Now we’ll just bicker and bump heads about multiple topics, batting each other’s points down, rolling our eyes at each other, and then just…stop. It doesn’t have to be a whole thing. We can bicker, be silent, and then start laughing about something as if the bickering never happened. It’s like we bicker for our health.
