Coddling That Will Ruin A Child

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Never encouraging new food choices

My nephew pretty much just eats different versions of cheese and bread. Pasta. Pizza. Mac and cheese. Grilled cheese sandwiches. His parents don’t push him to eat anything else. But encouraging an adventurous palate in a kid from a young age can be one of the first ways you encourage him to try new things in a manner that isn’t too intimidating.

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Not pushing new friendships

It’s great if kids have friends for life—the ones who stick around through college and beyond. But if you notice your child making absolutely no friends after, say, elementary school, something is up. Encourage play dates with new friends. Gently pressure your child to go to that party to which he was invited.

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Letting the kid sit out chores

My nephew has no chores. He doesn’t have to empty the dishwasher, do laundry, clean his bathroom, or help in any way. He’s treated like royalty, sitting around, typing away on his smart phone, while his mom does everything for him. How is that supposed to teach things like, oh, I don’t know…work ethic and responsibility?

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Not teaching him to offer help

When you’re at someone else’s home with your child, tell your kid, “Hey, go ask your aunt/mom’s friend/grandma if she needs help in the kitchen.” Don’t let kids just sit around while your hosts are busy at work. You don’t want your kid’s friend’s parents to note what a rude child you have. They won’t want him over much after that.

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Letting the kid quit at the first obstacle

The first loss in a sports game. The first bad recital in piano lessons. The first embarrassing moment in debate club. Don’t let your kid quit the second things get tough. That will set him up for absolute failure in life. When he has a setback, that’s the moment you should encourage him to double down on his efforts.

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Leaving him out of trips

Get used to bringing your kid on trips. Don’t just leave him with a nanny, for fear of how you’d juggle having your kid on your travel. It’s important to expose kids to new places and broaden their horizons from a young age. So bring your kid to that overseas resort and see if there is a kid camp you can put him in while you’re there. Or just plan family activities together.

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Not requiring a summer job

The second your kid reaches the legal age to work in your state, have him get a summer job. Don’t just give him all of his recreational money. Make him earn it. If you struggle to discipline your kid, making him get a job is actually a great thing because there he’ll have a boss who has no problem telling him what to do.

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Not sending him to away camp

It’s important that, starting from a young age, your kid gets used to being away from his parents, at least for short periods of time. Summer camps are great for that. If you can’t afford those, then maybe you can send your kid to stay with an out-of-town relative for a couple of weeks. Never making your kid sleep away from you all his childhood will make it very hard for your kid to leave for college. You could wind up with a failure to launch case on your hands.

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Only making him talk to his peers

Just because you’re at a dinner party with mostly adults or older kids doesn’t mean your kid should be off the hook for participating in the conversation. Your kid needs to learn to talk to adults early so he can do things like, go out for those summer job interviews and also interview for colleges.

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Making every order a question

When you give your kid an order, it should be an order. It shouldn’t be, “Hey, do you want to watch your little cousin while his mom and I have lunch?” it should be, “Hey, you’re watching your cousin while we have lunch.” If you ask a kid if he’d like to do something that is good for his development, he’ll usually say no. So don’t ask him—tell him.

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Not pushing the driving issue

My nephew is afraid of getting his driver’s license, so what you now have is two grown adults (his parents) who’d love to have their own life by now, but have to chauffer their adult son around town. Even if you’re scared of your kid learning to drive, just take my brother and his wife as a cautionary tale of what can happen if you don’t move that issue forward.

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Sheltering from all fears

When your child comes running to you, complaining that an experience is scary or overwhelming, don’t immediately agree, and shelter him from it. Ask him why it was scary. You’ll probably find that his reasons aren’t good. Talk to him about why he’s wrong, and why he should get back out there.

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Letting him sit out new experiences

The family outing to a museum. A hike. A visit to the new park that just opened. Don’t let your kid sit these out, in favor of staying at home, talking to his friends online or playing video games. Make him tag along for new experiences. Even taking him on these simple family outings is important for this growth.

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Saying nothing for fear of conflict

I know that my brother and his wife, sadly, just don’t discipline their kid because they don’t want to fight with him. Well, maybe they shouldn’t have had kids then. Having a child means knowing that your kid will hate you sometimes, while you do things that directly benefit him. Embrace the conflict that comes with raising a child who develops into an emotionally mature individual. He’ll thank you for it one day. When my nephew is unemployed at 30, living at home, with no girlfriend, I don’t know what he’ll thank his parents for.