Situations Men Stay For But Boys Run From

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You really know what a man is made of when things get tough. More specifically, you find out whether or not a man is a man or a boy. There are just some traits to an emotionally mature man that are undeniable. There are plenty of boys out there who can be sweet, romantic, fun, hilarious, playful, and adventurous so long as life is all of those things. They’re perfectly charming and exciting so long as you keep things light and there aren’t any challenges. But the moment things get real, they will bail. You see it often in the way women describe the end of a relationship. It was some life event that brought it all crashing down. “Things were going great, but then my mom got sick” or “We were very in love, but I lost my job, and things got tough.” Um…those events should not drive a couple apart. If anything, they should bring a couple closer. But boys can’t handle real life stuff.

Perhaps to be fair, they may be able to handle those things for themselves, but when it comes to supporting a partner going through something difficult, or simply still being a good partner while they themselves have a struggle, they just can’t do it. Boys can handle about a level one or maybe level two of life difficulty and still be good partners. Add a little pressure, and they’re out. They are usually one and the same with f*ck boys. Romantic interactions, to them, are just supposed to be fun, but not deep—not real. I’ve lost a couple of boyfriends to real life. Things happened in my life, things got tough, and I saw the true colors of those boys. They were no men at all. Here are situations boys will run from but men will stay for. It becomes clear very quickly.

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Pregnancy scare

I remember having a pregnancy scare with a college boyfriend and he instantly went MIA. He was all about me until then, obsessed with me, telling me how much he needed to be around me. And then…poof. He was a ghost when I mentioned my period was late. He didn’t even stick around to find out that it was just a scare. I was not pregnant.

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Men are in it with you

A man will go with you to the store to buy the pregnancy test. Or he’ll go buy it for you. He’ll pay for it, too. He won’t ask you to Venmo him back or any BS like that. He’ll hang with you when you take the test. He’ll distract you and make you laugh while you wait for the results. He’ll tell you that whatever happens, he’ll be there.

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Or a true accidental pregnancy

I have been fortunate to never have a true accidental pregnancy—just scares. But I’ve had multiple friends whose relationships were destroyed by accidental pregnancies. Their partners just straight up instructed them, “You will be getting rid of this baby” or, they ran away, never to be seen or heard from again. Many would play the blame game, telling the woman it’s her fault for not taking her pill exactly on time one day. And where were they with the alarm clock that day? Men don’t know anything about what it’s like to be on the pill.

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A real man takes responsibility

A real man knows that the second he starts having regular sex with a woman—especially if they aren’t using condoms—that he takes on the risk of accidental pregnancy. He embraces that each party here is equally responsible for preventing pregnancy. And if there is an accidental pregnancy, he has a mature, patient conversation with his partner about what they should do. He doesn’t make the call for her or disappear.

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When you’re sick

A lot of men just want a party girlfriend. They want a toy. They want fun. They don’t want there to be any sacrifices associated with having a girlfriend. They want to enjoy all of the perks but do none of the work. So the second you, say, recover from surgery and need someone to bring you soup and keep you company, that guy is gone.

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A real man hunkers down

A real man knows that life is more fun with you, and so he wants to do what he can to help you get back on your feet. He appreciates that you’ve done the same for him. He knows that with the great reward of a great partner is going to come the work of caring for her. And he thinks it’s worth it.

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When your family is sick

Some boys may be there for you when you’re sick, but not when your family is. They can see that as not their problem. They just tell you to go do what you have to do with your family, and let them know when you’re available to hang again. But they won’t be by your side.

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A man stays by your side

A man understands that having a partner means taking on her family. You grow your networks. You double your family. Your family will be there for him in many ways he doesn’t yet know, but he understands will happen. So he will be there for them. He’ll go with you to care for your sick family member. That’s his family, too.

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You’re feeling insecure

We can all feel a little insecure sometimes. Hopefully, you don’t feel that way most of the time in a relationship, because your partner works so hard to make you feel loved. But even then, you may have days you feel needy. A boy will freak out and disappear. Boys love you most when you’re distant and aloof.

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A man will give you that love

If you tell a man, “Hey, I’m feeling a little sensitive and insecure today. Can you give me some extra love?” he’ll be on the job. He’ll give you extra cuddles. He’ll stay in with you and watch reality TV. He doesn’t find it frightening or suffocating that you need some extra love. You give him extra love when he needs it, and he knows that.

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Career stress

When your career becomes stressful, you may be no fun. You may be a ball of tension, not in the mood for sex, not quick to laugh, and just not a very good time. A boy will just slip away and say, “Call me when you are feeling better.” But he won’t stay around and make you feel better.

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A man is there with you

A man sees it as his job to help you with, well, your job. If you need to just have word vomit and vent for an hour about work, he’s there for it. If you need him to help you brainstorm a new plan of action for your career, he’s ready with a whiteboard to draw up that game plan. He’s happiest when you feel fulfilled so he wants to help you feel that way.

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A little baggage

Some slight abandonment issues. Maybe some trauma your family left you with. Everybody has some stuff. Even if we go through therapy and work on it, we can be left with a little baggage. When you feel triggered and act out your baggage, a boy will look like he’s seen a ghost and run for the hills.

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A man gets it

A real man understands that people pick up some bumps and bruises along the way. He won’t find a good woman who doesn’t have some emotional baggage. He won’t find a human who doesn’t. Being with someone in a real way means helping them tend to their wounds a little bit.

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It’s about being brave and considerate

Real men do two things that boys don’t do in any given situation. 1) They ask themselves what you might be feeling/attempt to put themselves in your shoes and 2) They stay by your side and stick with you through a situation, even if it feels frightening or new.