Traits That Are Hard To Find In A Friend

good friendship

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I think a lot of our so-called “problems” would be fixed if we all practiced a bit more mindfulness and gratitude. What would happen then is that, the aforementioned problems wouldn’t necessarily go away—we’d just realize they aren’t really issues. One thing we should all be more grateful for is a truly good friend. It’s those close relationships that make life worth living. At the end of the day, what matters more than how that presentation went or how that date went is having a good friend to laugh about it (or cry about it) with. Whatever happens, having good friends to share in the aftermath with makes it all worth it.

Life has a way of distracting us from recognizing just how valuable those few, really good friends are. Other people come around, vying for out attention. This new professional friend shows up—she’s exciting, well-connected, and thinks you’re some sort of genius. Your ego responds highly to that. Your high-society, social-climber comes along, who has access to every VIP event in town, and wants to bring you along. It’s hard to pass that up. But, honestly, none of what I just described is what makes up a truly good friend. These surface-level friendships will never make you feel as satisfied as your deeper friendships do. You’ll outgrow these.

So it’s critical that you take a moment to count your real friends. You know that no matter what changes in your life—from your job to your boyfriend to your geological location—these friends will still be there. You know that they know who you are, beyond the superficial layers of money or social status. If you lost them, you’d feel an emptiness like no other. So don’t lose them. Here are traits that are rare to find in a friend (so hold onto them when you do!)

She accommodates your eccentricities

You know what they are. You always talk a little too much to the strangers next to you at a restaurant, you sing out loud (very loudly) when you’re listening to headphones, you will only try things on in the changing room furthest from the rest of the store and will wait until it opens up, even if it takes a while. Things like that. You have your quirks. They don’t make your friend mad. She finds them endearing and funny.

And your high-maintenance tendencies

You’re high-maintenance sometimes, too. You need a particular firmness of pillow at hotels when you travel, you must have the window seat on planes, you take two hours to do your hair, or whatever your thing is that you’re difficult about. She doesn’t get mad about it. In fact, she accommodates it. She calls the hotel herself to ask about the firmness of the pillows.

She regularly makes (and keeps) plans

She won’t let much time pass without you two seeing one another. This isn’t one of those friends who you see three times a year. If you go more than two weeks without seeing each other, she reaches out, and makes a point of getting something going ASAP. She really feels that seeing you regularly is one of the best things in life! And you feel the same way about her.

She makes you feel like part of the family

She’ll take you in whenever you need it. If you’re alone for the holidays, she’ll take you in. If your home is undergoing renovations and you need a quiet place to stay, she’ll take you in. You’re always invited to her family events, even when you’ll be the only person there who isn’t a blood relative. Her home is a place you can just go, and feel welcome—without needing to put on any airs.

She listens—really listens

When you talk about what’s going on in your life, she cuts through the BS. She knows who you are, at your core, what it is you really want, and what things you’re saying without saying them. When you have a conversation, there are all the things that are said, but there are also all of the things that aren’t said—and she picks up on those, too.

Your rough times are her rough times

If you’re going through a rough time, she won’t let you feel alone. She’ll touch base with you every day, and throughout the day. She treats your rough time as her own. She’ll come over as much as she can. She’ll call as much as she can. She’s on the case of this tough time until it’s over, and she lets you know she’s there if you need anything.

She shares your particular sense of humor

You laugh together a lot. It seems the entire goal, when you’re together, is to laugh, and that’s good. When two people laugh together, that actually shows that they connect on several levels of intellect. That shows a deep understanding between two people. And laughing is so good for you—so spend as much time as you can with the friends who make you laugh often.

She thinks of your big work event

If you mentioned that you had a big thing coming up in work—a presentation, a meeting, an interview, a convention—she remembers. She calls you after and asks about it. She wants all of the details. Even if it’s not her industry and you know it wouldn’t, under regular circumstances, interest you, it’s your thing, so she cares.

She’ll help you get a job

If you’re unemployed and struggling to find work, your friend has her ear to the ground for you. She asks around. She sends you listings. She sends you the email address of a friend of her family who could probably help you. She doesn’t just act like it’s your problem and not her problem. You’re part of her tribe and if one person in her tribe is struggling, she takes it upon herself to do something about it.

She’ll forgive you and let it go

If you fight—particularly if you wrong her—she’ll forgive you. She may take a little time, but she doesn’t want to get stuck in it forever. She wants to get back to enjoying the friendship. If you sincerely apologize, she won’t punish you for much longer. She appreciates your humility. Oh, and she apologizes when she messes up, too.

She’ll arrive early at all your parties

She’s the first one at your parties. She wouldn’t just leave you to prepare by yourself. She asks what you need. She helps you go pick out decorations. You never feel like getting ready to host is a big chore when you have your friend around. She helps you set up. You feel like you have a co-host in her.

And stay to the end

She also stays until the very end of your event. She helps you clean up. She wants to talk about everything that happened and swap stories about who you each spoke to. And she certainly doesn’t double book on the night of your big event, ducking out early to stop by other parties. She makes you feel like your thing is her main event—because it is.

She promotes your work

Whatever it is you do, she promotes you. As much as she can. If she knows someone looking for your particular services, she sends them your way. She has your back. She posts on social media about your accomplishments. When you meet her other friends, they’ve already heard a lot about you—she’s been singing your praises.

She’s genuinely proud of you

She’s genuinely proud of you. Maybe you don’t get that feeling elsewhere. Perhaps your parents or your boss don’t tell you enough how great you are. But your friend? She always tells you what a hard worker you are, how intelligent you are, and what a go-getter you are. She makes your efforts feel recognized.

She treats your family as her own

She treats your family like her family. If one of your parents is sick, she checks in regularly, and asks how she can help. She always asks about them. She may even have a relationship with them, calling your parents on her own sometimes to say hello. She really puts in so much effort to help your scattered world of family and friends feel more like a community.

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