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Whatever you have to do, cherish your relationship with your sister. Salvage it if it’s not in good standing. Strengthen it if it’s fallen to the wayside. I can promise you that the energy you put into that relationship, you’ll get back tenfold. Maybe tenfold doesn’t even begin to cover it. Your best female friends are great—those relationships are important too—but your relationship with your sister is the best female friendship. It’s like the Gold Star Membership of female friendships.
Hopefully, you already know that that’s true. I’m not going to say that sisters always get along. In fact, while there may be no bond stronger than that between sisters, for that very reason, there’s also no fight as nasty as that between sisters. My sister and I were not always nice to each other. I remember my sister used to lock me in her room until I cleaned it for her. And I remember that when she was little, my sister used to love filming herself singing karaoke, and I loved ruining her videos any chance I got. We’d scream and pull at each other’s hair. My parents even took us to therapy once when we were very little, concerned that there was something very wrong with us.
There was nothing very wrong with us. We’re just sisters! I almost think those turbulent years were an important part of our bond today—a reason we are so close today. We always bounced back, and that says a lot. As adults, we really cherish this relationship. We speak every day. I don’t want kids, but when asked, if I did, what I’d want, “Two girls” I say. It’s just so special. I’d love to give sisterhood to girls. I think it’s the greatest gift. Here is why the bond between sisters is unlike any other.
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We’re communicators
First off, women are communicators, generally speaking. While you may find that brothers have strained relationships because a set of brothers contains two men who may or may not be comfortable expressing their feelings, a relationship between sisters contains two women! So that’s two individuals who are generally ready to communicate their emotions, which will always make for a stronger bond.
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With each other, and our family
Not only are we good communicators with each other, but we’re also good communicators with our other family members. My sister and I speak to our parents frequently, and we are very open with them about what we’re going through, how we’re feeling, and when they’ve upset us in some way. That open dialogue makes our parents comfortable being very open with us, so the lines of communication are quite wide open in all directions.
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So we can exchange information
Since my sister and I communicate with our family and each other, we get to talk to each other about our family. Yes, gossiping a bit about the family is an important part of the sister bond. That’s just how it is. But we can touch base, after having both spoken to our mom, for example, and both have a clear understanding of what’s going on with her. We can discuss. We can assess. We’re almost like the little therapists for the family, even if nobody asked for our council.
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We understand the unique female experience
We understand what it means to be female, and that’s just a beast in and of itself. There’s always a slight built-in bond between any two women—even strangers—because we all know, deep down, that we all face the same challenges and put up with the same bullsh*t. No matter how powerful or wealthy we are, we all share some common experiences that are unique to being female. And two sisters share that, too.
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And being a female in this family
On top of understanding what it means to be female, sisters know what it means to be female in their particular family. And that varies drastically from family to family. Were you not allowed to date until you were 18? Did you have conservative parents who thought women should be quiet and “well-behaved?” Or, perhaps super liberal parents who dragged you to Planned Parenthood rallies at age 10? Whatever it was to grow up a woman in that family, it’s something just the sisters understand.
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We’re protective of each other
My sister and I are fiercely protective of each other, as I see many sisters be. Though we’re sometimes critical of each other, we will not tolerate anyone else being critical of the other. That makes our blood boil. Someone once left a mean Yelp review of my sister’s restaurant and I, um, well let’s just say I tore their confidence to pieces with a viscous rant I posted in response to their post, about who they are as a person. That’s just what happens when someone messes with my sister!
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We know our parents’ flaws
Nobody else understands our parents’ flaws quite as we do. In our unique situation, we know that we have an emotionally stunted father, who has had multiple wives and several affairs as a form of trying to chase the maternal figure who left him when he was little. We know that. We know how he is. We can say just a few words about something he did, and we both get all of the hidden meanings.
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We know how they wronged us
Two sisters—with their emotional intelligence and strong emotional IQ—understand exactly how the family wronged them. Again, in my case, my sister and I both know how our father’s affairs messed with us and affected how we conduct our own relationships. We understand that very well about one another, and it’s something only we, as sisters in this family, can understand.
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And how they helped us
We also know how much our parents helped us. We can give each other a knowing smile when we’re with our parents, when they’re doing something kind, and when we know that this is just one of the many things they did that gave us a leg up in life. We know just how our parents stack up against all the others out there—in the good and bad ways.
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We can vent to each other
I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my sister to vent to! I can vent to her about my relationship, my landlord, my friends, our mother, and just about anything. We text all day, just airing out the grievances of life. But also, we laugh our butts off together. We find ways to laugh in the middle of frustrating situations. The shared humor between sisters is quite unique.
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We support each other
Nobody has my back like my sister and visa versa. She comes to just about every single important event in my life, from career things to birthday parties to housewarmings for new apartments. She considers it her obligation to be there during those times. I’ve gone to her restaurant for the release of nearly every new menu, and I’ve shared every newspaper article that came out about her. Sisters are cheerleaders for each other.
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We speak up about bad relationships
While friends may not feel comfortable letting you know when you’re in the wrong relationship, a sister will. Your sister won’t let you marry the wrong guy. Your sister won’t sit back and watch a man mistreat you. We have the luxury of speaking the uncomfortable truth because it’s not like our sister will ever leave our lives.
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It’s a friend we always forgive
Your sister will always forgive you, no matter what happens. It’s nearly impossible to break that bond. You can get in the worst fight you think you’ll never recover from and then…your mom will annoy one of you again the way she always does, you want to tell your sister about it, you do, and you’re both laughing and getting along again.
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We share things
Clothes. Hair products. Makeup. Makeup tips. Cars. Sisters often grow up loving the same clothing designers and getting excited for the sale together. We drive around, listening to that big hit album of that summer. We partake in some of the iconic and nostalgic products of our childhood, together. And we never forget it—to this day, my sister and I laugh about this denim company we were obsessed with as teens that, looking back, was ridiculous. Those jeans were hideous!
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We mother each other
When, for whatever reason, our mom can’t mother us—maybe we need help with something our mom would frown upon—we mother each other. As we grow older, we aren’t just sisters, but additional forms of maternal love. Because, well, there are just some things our mom can’t understand, but we understand it in each other.
