Reasons To Embrace Your Past
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I’m very open about my past—from my childhood in which we discovered my dad had a secret second family to my emotionally abusive partner who threatened to take his life over my leaving him to my eating disorder in my early twenties. My partner is always amazed at how willingly I share these stories with anyone who will listen. “Aren’t you worried someone will use that as leverage over you one day?” he asks. Well, first off, I guess I give the world a bit more credit and don’t think everyone is out to get me. But, furthermore, the very fact that I willingly publish those facts removes any power anybody could ever have to use them as leverage against me. What can they say? “I’ll tell everyone about the fact that you had an eating disorder?” or “I’ll tell everyone that your dad was unfaithful?” I’d say, “They won’t be interested—they already know. I already told them.” I think there is a lot of power in embracing our past. I understand the value in putting the past behind you, but I think that concept needs a bit more exploration. There will be people we need to remove from our lives, mistakes for which we must forgive ourselves, and situations from which we must extricate ourselves. That is a way in which we’ll leave the past behind. But the wisdom, strength, perspective, and lessons we learned from those situations stay with us forever. I fear that those who refuse to ever reflect on the past give up the benefit of learning from it. In fact, by pretending the past didn’t happen, we usually give it more control over our present. Here’s why I think you should embrace your past, no matter how painful or ugly it may be.
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You’re a survivor
Whatever bad stuff you’ve been through, you got through it. Yes, you. Rather than feeling shame over being in that position in the first place, take pride in the fact that you made it through. If you’re no longer…in that abusive relationship or…struggling with an eating disorder or…engaging with an abusive family member, it’s because you took action to get out of there. That’s something to be proud of.
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You honed your intuition
You may not realize it, but you have strong intuition now. Perhaps you get around someone—someone asking you out, someone trying to befriend you, someone trying to work with you—and you get this feeling that this person isn’t good for you. Your painful past made your intuition stronger. You found yourself in those tough positions in the past because your intuition wasn’t working for you yet. Now it is.
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You stood up for yourself
Feel really good about that. You stood up for yourself. Whatever situation you were in—perhaps an abusive relationship—you decided that you were worth more than that. You believed, in your core, that you deserved a better experience of life and love than that. You were your own advocate. And now, you know that you always will be.
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You learned
Some lessons have to be learned the hard way. Lessons like…if a man smothers you with attention, time, love, and adoration straight out the gates…he’ll likely be controlling and possessive later. Lessons like, if a woman wants to be your best friend overnight and appears to have no other good friends, there is a reason for that. Lessons like, if someone only takes an interest in you after you’ve gained success, they’re probably about to use you in some way.
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You found how strong you really are
You didn’t know before—how strong you truly are. You spent much of your life afraid something would happen, unsure as to how you’d handle it. But now you think of the terrible, complex, twisted, and painful situations you were in. You think of what you had to do to get out of there. Maybe you had to disappoint your whole family, by breaking off the engagement with the guy they picked for you. Maybe you had to be scorned by your peers by speaking the truth about an injustice happening in the company. But you did it.
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You boosted your self-worth
Each time you’ve overcome adversity and removed yourself from unhealthy situations, you have boosted your sense of self-worth. Every time you get out of a bad dynamic, you tell your subconscious I deserve more than this. You tell your inner child I’ll take care of you, and you’re worth the trouble. You’ve carried those feelings with you now, in everything you do.
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You see red flags quicker now
You used to be more lenient. People would show you their true colors (including plenty of red flags) and you’d think, “Well, maybe it’s not what it seems.” You are more judgmental now, but in a good way. Remember that being judgmental doesn’t have to be a bad thing—it just means using your judgment. You are more discerning and pick up on risks quicker now.
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You identify others in trauma
Because you’ve been there yourself, you recognize others who are going through trauma. Perhaps you can identify a woman in an abusive relationship or you can tell when a friend is struggling with an eating disorder. Others may not spot it, but you see the signs quite clearly. You can identify a man who is severely depressed.
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You can help accordingly
When it is appropriate, you can help. You can become a guardian angel. Because you’ve done your work and your survived, you can now help those who are trying to survive. You can pass on your strength. That’s an incredible gift, and you only have it because of your past. Be willing to share your story of pain and you may help others get out of theirs.
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You can avoid accordingly
Though it can sound cold, sometimes, it won’t be appropriate for you to get close to someone in trauma. This is especially true when it comes to romantic relationships. You cannot take on a partner who is now currently going through something difficult or who hasn’t yet healed from past pain. It’s not healthy to begin an intimate relationship with someone who isn’t currently well. You can help from a distance, but there is nothing distant about a romantic relationship. You can now see when someone isn’t in a place to be your partner.
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What doesn’t kill you…
Well it can leave you shattered in some cases. But if you got out of it, it made you stronger. Being forced to find the tools to get out of something difficult makes you stronger. Learning that you can control your circumstances and your environment makes you stronger. There’s a reason so many artists quote this famous line in their songs.
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You have better boundaries
Some people never learn to set boundaries. Some never learn to enforce boundaries. One’s life can be destroyed due to a lack of boundaries. But when you go through something tough, you become adamant about setting and enforcing boundaries. You no longer worry that people will take advantage of you: you have your boundaries in place for that exact reason.
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Source: Charday Penn / Getty
You really value your happiness
We really only value the light after going through the dark. Perhaps you know someone who is always complaining about the dumbest things, and you’d be grateful for her life. She’s likely just had an easy life. You, however, don’t put stock in small issues. You know just how small they are, because of what you’ve been through and you fully appreciate your current state of happiness and peace.
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You know your stability is genuine
You feel sold and stable. You know you are stable because you built the rock on which you stand. Difficult things may come your way and they won’t shake you because you’ve built an unshakable foundation. Those who haven’t faced adversity aren’t really stable. They’re standing over…a cloud, really. They’re just lucky nothing has shaken them yet.
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You don’t fear future adversity
You don’t walk around in the world, terrified that life may bring something difficult your way. You are almost certain that it will, and then you are certain that you will handle it. You have already handled what life threw your way, and you survived. So now the world is a less frightening place.
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Source: Delmaine Donson / Getty
You don’t see it as wasted time
When you embrace your past and see how it actually empowered you, then you stop seeing those painful years as wasted time—which can be sad. You instead see them as some of the most valuable years of your life. They were very tough at the time, but wasted? No. They were not wasted. They made you the unshakable force you are today.
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