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What does it mean to be an adult? Does it mean turning 18? For a girl, does it mean getting that first period? Maybe it means finally leaving the parent’s nest and setting out on one’s own. Or does it mean turning 21, when you can finally legally have that first drink? Society has created these ideas of what it means to become an adult and when we should have matured to a certain degree. But, in my opinion, it’s missed the mark by quite a bit. When I think about my past, and the freedom and rights I had at certain ages, I’m honestly just really grateful that I’m alive and didn’t royally screw up my life. I can’t believe the level of agency I was given in my own life at such a young age. I barely just learned some fundamental life lessons in recent years, and I know I still have many more to learn. Here are life choices I don’t think we should even be allowed to make before age 25.
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Getting married
I’m truly terrified for friends who get married before the age of 25 (and I’m being generous—I’m sort of afraid for those who marry before their late twenties at least). Realistically, most of us probably only even have our first true adult relationship after college. Anything in the college years and before doesn’t count. We were kids. We would have text fights. We were jealous and insecure and flighty. We didn’t know who we were. We didn’t even yet understand the stress of managing our own lives—like, having jobs and paying our own rent—while also being a good partner.
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We should have several adult relationships
So now that we’ve established we only get a taste of an adult relationship starting at maybe age 23 or 24, it stands to reason that age 25 is even too early to get married. At that point, someone hasn’t even been with their first adult partner for a year or two. But furthermore, we should probably all experience a couple adult relationships before choosing a life partner.
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Because curiosity never dies
I’ve had several serious, long-term relationships. I dated a lot. I am no longer curious about what is out there. I know what’s out there. I’m all set. But I did need to see for myself. You don’t quite realize how long life is when you’re young, and I’ve had several friends who married in their early twenties come to me and say, in a panic, “I’m just realizing I’m going to spend like, fifty or sixty…or more…years with just one person.” And then, surprise, surprise, some of them cheated. They wanted to know what else was out there. They tied themselves down too soon, but curiosity never dies.
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A career path
Choosing a major in college is kind of a joke. I understand that it’s required for there to be some organization to our studies. But I truly sometimes feel bad for pre-law and pre-med students. They have to decide already at age 17 or 18 (when applying to college) what they’d like to do forever. If they want to be doctors ten years down the line then they need to get into medical school in four or five years and in that case they need to take all pre-med classes starting their freshman year of college. Yikes.
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What do we know of careers then?
I know that I, personally, in the last few years have learned of hundreds (if not more) of career paths that I didn’t even know existed when I was in college. I didn’t even know those were an option when I was declaring a major in college and later choosing an internship and then a job. We are presented with such a narrow and, quite frankly, outdated look at career options when we are young and essentially being forced to pick a path.
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Some paths are hard to get off of
I can imagine that, if someone has, let’s say, done four years of pre-law, then gone through three years of law school, and then worked as a paralegal for several years while trying to pass the bar (and spending thousands of dollars doing so), that person will feel pretty pressured to be a lawyer. And some would rather know their path, even if they don’t like it, than feel lost.
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We must declare a career before finding ourselves
What happens when that individual described above, who was sucked into this force field, realizes she…doesn’t want to be a lawyer? Because all of those years of schooling happened to fall during her most formative years, and during that time, she learned who she was and it’s…not a lawyer at heart. I can’t image it’s very easy for her to walk away. She’s given so much to that path already because society said you must choose a path when you’re 18.
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Having children
At age 30, I’ve just about learned how to take care of myself. Comparing insurance policies, filing tax returns, negotiating car leases, scheduling teeth cleanings, contributing to a Roth IRA each year, and things like that have just stopped feeling completely overwhelming. And I, personally, don’t think we should be put in charge of another human until we’ve learned to fully care for ourselves.
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Kids intensify a marriage
If a couple has already gotten married quite young (which, as we know, may not be advisable) they should at least give their relationship a few years to see how it does before adding kids to the picture. Since there is already such a high risk of divorce in couples who marry young, a couple should give themselves the chance to see how they weather just managing their relationship before adding an element that would further bond them forever—for better or worse.
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Divorce with kids is much messier
Getting a divorce, when you don’t have kids, isn’t too messy. I have several friends who got divorced, didn’t have kids, and said the divorce was really “Not that bad.” Add kids to the picture, and divorce becomes a true nightmare. Just another great reason to make sure a marriage is on solid footing before having kids—just in case.
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Publish of our own free will
This is certainly a controversial and tricky one, considering the world we live in. But haven’t you put some things on the Internet you aren’t proud of? When you were younger, did you make a few YouTube videos or send out a few tweets that, today, you hope nobody ever finds?
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We judge people as adults
I actually feel for young celebrities—those in their early twenties—who put something on social media or put out a YouTube video and are then chastised by the world. I personally say, “Cut them a break. They’re 22. They don’t know what they’re doing.” But, the rest of the world isn’t as generous and can judge them, eternally.
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We’re socially and emotionally babies
Before the age of 25(ish) that is. There is so much we don’t know yet about diplomacy and tact. We feel so certain about our opinions—we have so much conviction with little information—and we state that we don’t care what anyone thinks of us. In the meantime, we can publish things online that affect our careers forever.
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Spend large sums of money
I am very fortunate that my parents started a custodial account for me when I was born, and by the time I turned 18, it had matured to a rather substantial amount. At that age, the money became legally mine, but my dad strongly urged me to allow him to continue to be the custodian of it, so he’d invest it for me and further grow it for me. Saying no to that lump of cash, at that age, was tough for me.
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I’m lucky I didn’t take the money
What would I have done with that money at that age? Bought a really nice car perhaps—something that notoriously only depreciates and leaves you with no resale value. Maybe I would have taken a trip around the world, staying at the most expensive hotels because I could. Fortunately, I didn’t take the money, my dad continued to grow it for me through investments, and it will make up a portion of my down payment on a property now. And as I now know (didn’t know at age 18) real estate is generally a good investment.
