How To Survive The Holidays With Your Dysfunctional Family

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The holidays are upon us, which means you’ll likely be spending more time with your relatives. For some of us, this means good times, good food, and lots of laughs are ahead. For others, this drudges up negative memories from the past that are filled with dysfunction and stress. According to one study, more than half of Americans feel stressed about the holidays as a result of anticipated arguments with relatives. If you’re anything like half of the population and you’re wondering how to best navigate the holidays with your dysfunctional family, continue reading.

Don’t show up starving

For one, holiday dinners are almost never ready when you get there. Secondly, our patience is almost always a bit shorter when we’re hungry.  To make your intolerable family a bit more tolerable, try snacking before you arrive. You’re much more likely to snap at your irritating auntie when you’re feeling hangry.

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Keep the conversation current ( aka don’t bring up old sh*t)

It can be nice to take a stroll down memory lane with your family, but when most family memories are marred by dysfunction, revisiting the past can drudge up feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment.

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Set time limits

Dysfunctional families can be functional for a little while, so it’s best to deal with them in small doses. Instead of planning to spend the entire day at grandma’s house, consider setting a time limit. Before your folks get around to working your nerves, it will be time to go.

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Prepare an exit strategy

You should walk into dinner with a clear plan on how you’ll get the hell out of there when things go left. What excuse will you use to leave early without making waves? It’s best to make sure that you have your own transportation so that you don’t have to worry about waiting around for someone when you’re ready to go.

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Try to keep interactions lighthearted and positive

Avoid heavy subjects that could potentially lead to debates or arguments. While some families can handle a little witty banter, your dysfunctional folks probably can’t, so don’t even go down that rabbit hole.

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Set boundaries

Establish personal boundaries for what you will and will not tolerate. You know your family better than anyone, so you have a pretty good idea about what they will try when you’re all gathered around the dinner table. You don’t have to tolerate abuse or disrespect — regardless of what the occasion may be.

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Keep your expectations low

Only those committed to doing self-work will change. Walking into the holidays expecting your family to be anything other than who they’ve shown themselves to be year after year is a set up for disappointment. Keep your expectations low so that any changes for the better will be a pleasant surprise and their typical antics won’t catch you off guard.

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Stay sober

Alcohol tends to amplify negative emotions and make bad situations worse. When you know that you’re going to be around your difficult relatives for any period of time, it’s a good idea to stay sober for the duration of that visit.

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Embrace the good things

We can’t choose our family and even though they may have quite a few issues, we love them anyway. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your family get-togethers. Perhaps your folks have amazing senses of humor or they’re great storytellers. Whatever makes your family functions positively unique, embrace it.