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“What’s so wrong with getting your hopes up?” you might ask. Isn’t that just called being optimistic? You certainly don’t want to be one of those negative pessimistic people who think everything will go wrong, do you? You don’t look for reasons to believe things won’t work out. That wouldn’t get you far. And you’re tough (so you say) so even if you do get your hopes high and they’re dashed, you can handle it. Nah, you probably can’t. It’s always rough when we have great expectations for something that falls flat. And having high hopes isn’t just something we do quietly—internally. It affects how we behave. It could be the very reason those hopes get squashed. Our behaviors could get in our own way. Nobody acts normal when they desperately need something to work out. So, do you get your hopes too high in love? Here are some signs.
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You research and fantasize about his hobbies
You have one good date with a guy, and immediately research his hobbies. He’s very into scuba diving, so you sign up for a course. You’ll have to be able to scuba dive since your soon-to-be boyfriend is into it. You even purchase all the equipment necessary to get involved in his hobby.
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You envision yourself as a insert profession’s wife
You start daydreaming about what life would be like as the wife of a…doctor. Musician. Small business owner. Whatever he does, you start envisioning being married to him in detail. If he owns a restaurant, you’d hang out at the restaurant. You’d be friends with all the staff. The customers would be jealous of the owner for having such a hot wife. You can see it now.
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You cancel all pending dates, for just one
You had some dates set up later this month, but you just had one really good first date with a guy, so you cancel all of your other dates. You even message them to tell them that, “I’m so sorry but I have met someone and it’s going really well so I don’t feel right about keeping our date.”
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You prematurely ask for a wedding plus-one
Your friend is having a wedding in 11 months and you’ve requested a plus one because you’ve been dating a guy for three weeks and it’s going really well, you think. You believe he could be the one. So you just want to update her, so she can make her guest list accordingly.
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You turn down a blind date
A friend offers to set you up on a blind date. She knows you very well, and insists that this guy could be great for you. But you regret to inform her that things are getting pretty serious with another guy (you’ve had three good dates) and you just couldn’t give anyone else the attention they deserve right now.
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You stop talking to other men at bars
When you’re at bars, or out and about where there are single men, you already consider yourself taken because you had two good dates with a guy. Men try to talk to you and you say, “Sorry. I’m not single.”
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You remove your “single” FB status
You don’t write “In a relationship,” but you do delete the status that says you are single. You don’t feel single anymore, and you don’t want men to be encouraged to reach out. You’ve been seeing someone for all of two weeks now, after all.
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You hold off on moving plans
You had been thinking about moving to another city. You’ve even been offered a great job in another city. But now that you’ve met this guy, and you’ve been dating him for a few weeks, you’re reconsidering moving. You halt the apartment search and ask if you can give the job an answer later.
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You prepare your finances for a baby
You could really see this man you’ve been on four dates with being the one, and being a great father. So you start looking at your finances. Could you afford a baby? There are so many unexpected costs. What are the maternity benefits like at your job? You should call HR about that.
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You talk about him non-stop
With friends, you talk about the guy non-stop. You tell them every cute thing he says and does. You show them all of his texts. You’re talking about him as much as a newly engaged woman talks about her long-term partner.
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You keep your schedule open
You are very hesitant to make too many plans with anyone besides this guy because what if he wants to hang out? You’re trying to keep your calendar as open as possible. New relationships (you’ve been out twice) require a lot of work and time to make it work!
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You tell your family you met someone
You call your family, excitedly, to let them know that you’ve met someone. They can stop worrying. You won’t die alone. You’ll likely be bringing this guy who you’ve met three times home for Christmas this year.
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You start to pity single women
You start to feel bad for single women. Poor things. They don’t know what it’s like to have a real connection like you do with this guy whose middle name you do not know. You see yourself as distinctly separate from single women now.
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You start giving out relationship advice
You even start handing out relationship advice. Having dated this guy for a month, you know a lot about how to keep the spark alive, how to handle arguments, and the hard work that goes into keeping that connection going.
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You research dual-income housing options
You will likely have two incomes to work with soon—yours, and this man you’ve known for five weeks—so you’re all over housing websites, looking for condos you could afford together.
