Why Two Laid-Back People Don’t Work Together - Page 8

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I’m a pretty laid-back individual. I definitely go with the flow. I’m not particular about…anything, really. I think I may have sent two dishes back to the kitchen in a restaurant in my life. When splitting a hotel room with friends, I’ll just take the couch or floor. I don’t even fuss about it. And if it’s my day off, I’m happy to do just about anything so long as I’m not working, so you won’t find me fighting to have my way on what museum or movie we go to. After dating a man who was the opposite of that—Mr. “Can I speak to your manager?” and someone who loved to be the leader—I thought I’d like another really chill person as a partner. Turns out I was dead wrong. My strike zone is somewhere in between. Here are the major pitfalls of two laid-back people together.

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Issues can fester

Neither of you like conflict, so if you sense something bothers you, you tell yourself that it’s no big deal and not worth ruining the peace over. You both do that, but then those issues begin to fester, and you can start acting out in odd, passive-aggressive ways.

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So the passion can die

I’m not saying that you need to fight in order to feel passion. But I am saying that if you leave an issue unaddressed, it is crippling for your romantic connection. You start to shut down feelings in order to avoid some of the pain, but that also means you don’t feel the good stuff.

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Nobody will make a plan

Absolutely nobody will take the reins on what to do with a Saturday. You both say you’ll “think of something” or “look into something” while you wander in and out of the living room, off to other rooms to work on a random task. Nobody is making any plan or looking into anything. Then it’s 4pm, and the day was wasted.

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Or advocate for the other

You need somebody to be the firecracker. You need somebody to provide some momentum. At least one person needs to be the type of person to say, “I should go after that opportunity!” or “You should go after that opportunity!” There’s no real driving force there.

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Traveling together is a mess

Oh my goodness—two laid-back people traveling together? Forget it. Nothing gets done. You lose track of time in some random street market you didn’t intend to visit, and then by the time you make it to the museum you bought tickets for, it’s closed.

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We tolerate the other’s sh*tty friends

If your partner has a friend you find really annoying or rude, you don’t say anything. You let him come over and hang out on your couch. You don’t want to be the type of person who tells her partner who to hang out with. But, then you start to resent that this jerk sits on your couch and eats your snacks and you take it out on your partner.

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Everything can be a joke

You two love to find the humor in every situation. While using humor in fighting can be a useful tool, you two always divert to the joke until you’re just in stitches. But then, you didn’t actually resolve the issue.

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You fail to inform each other of plans

When someone invites both of you two something, you can’t find a good time to ask your partner to look at his calendar. He’s watching TV. He’s napping. He’s eating. So you don’t push the issue. Then that date comes up, and you say, “Okay let’s go to that thing” and he says “What thing?!”

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People steamroll you in conversation

You know those folks who will talk your ear off if nobody stops them. They’re the worst nightmare for a laid back couple. Neither of you has it in you to cut that person off, or make up some reason you have to leave.

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You always agree to disagree

You always agree to disagree rather than come to some resolution. But this is a problem when you literally have to choose just one path. You can’t just agree to disagree on what Internet provider to go with or what route to take on the road trip or whether or not you should get married.

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Nobody makes the other do anything

If your partner doesn’t want to do something, you don’t push him, and visa versa. If he doesn’t feel like coming to brunch with you and your parents, that’s fine. If you don’t feel like going with him to his friend’s Super Bowl party, that’s fine. But, then you don’t really wind up spending much time together.

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You both day dream a lot

You can both totally zone out and not realize you’re both doing it. That gets awkward when you’re on a double date or there are other people around.

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You’re always down to stay in

Your social life totally dies because you’re both always down to stay in and order food rather than go to that party or event you were invited to.

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The house can get messy

Neither of you is the type to tell the other to clean those dishes or put away that laundry. You may hint at it, and if the other says, “I’ll do it later” you just say, “Okay.” And the mess grows.