Weird Thoughts You Have When You Find The One - Page 14

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If you are single, and struggling to find someone with whom you connect, you may believe that once you find your person, all romantic worries go away. That’s not true, at all. You know what’s just as scary as wondering if you’ll ever meet someone? Finding the person you’re absolutely, madly in love with, and then realizing you wouldn’t know how to live without that person. No wonder some people have commitment issues! Maybe they aren’t all just jerks like we think. You can’t lose something you never had in the first place. When you do find your partner, and you’ve been together for a long time, you can have some funny and dark thoughts about the future. If you’re in a serious relationship, you probably know what I mean. Don’t feel bad if these things cross your mind.

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Oh damn. I’m in this now

You have that moment of realization when you know that if you lost this person tomorrow, it would destroy you. When you were single, if you ended things with a guy you’d only been seeing for a month or two, it hurt for a week. Now, you know that if you lost this partner, it would alter who you are, at your core, permanently.

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Maybe being single was better

Ugh. All this time I thought I wanted to find a life partner—my other half—and now I’m thinking I should have stayed single. I didn’t feel incomplete before. But now I know I would feel incomplete if I lost this person. What have I gotten myself into.

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He’ll have to go first

Well, let’s be honest: this man would be lost without me. He doesn’t even know how to boil rice and he refuses to wait on hold with any customer service representative, so he’d never make another doctor’s appointment or look into an Internet router issue again. It’s best he goes first so he doesn’t have to live without me. Yes, I’m selfless like that: I’ll be the one left alone. I volunteer as tribute.

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Who would be in my Golden Girls house?

I should start selecting women for my Golden Girls house. I need that core crew with whom I can laugh and drink wine and reminisce over our deceased husbands and learn to live again. Should I call those women now and ask if they’re in? Or is that weird? We could start scouting properties…

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Maybe we should stop living together

Really my partner and I are too codependent. Maybe we should back this thing up. Maybe we should stop living together, and go back to living separately—like we did when things were just casual.

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Which of his friends would I date?

I wonder who would come out of the woodwork and confess feelings for me when my partner went? Which of his friends would make a good second husband for me? I’m sure I’d find a husband within the friend group—that’s where I’d be most comfortable.

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Would I stay in the house?

Would I remain in the house we bought together? Would be a shame to sell it if it were so lovely. But it would also be weird to sleep with my second husband there.

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Would I make a hot widow?

At the funeral, will I be that gorgeous, brooding woman—the one so beautiful everyone thinks it’s a shame no man is with her now to enjoy her. Or am I going to be just a mess of a person and an ugly crier?

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I’ll need a beach house

You know, the way all the women in the best films about older women have one. They all have a beach house and a quirky friend who they get into mischief with.

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Will I have a fabulous second act?

Perhaps I’d have the type of second act that would inspire a book or a film. Maybe I’d start some tremendous philanthropy that changed peoples lives or go on an adventure that was worthy of a script.

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We should get on these life insurance policies

Real talk: we should probably buy some life insurance policies. I know it’s dark but, I can’t be left alone with this mortgage if he goes. Nobody needs money problems on top of grief.

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Would his family love me if I remarried?

I’m so close with his family now, but what if he passed, and I remarried? Would they still accept me as one of their own? Of course they would. I’d be their last connection to their son. Or maybe not…

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Maybe we hang out too much

Seriously though, we’re way too attached at the hip. We finish each other’s sentences. We need to differentiate again. Perhaps we should both go on a solo trip around the world, away from each other. We’re like one person right now.

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Who is she?!

And if he does have a second wife in mind, who is it? Which one of my friends. Oh, I’m going to start paying very close attention to see who he gets along with the most. That b*tch!